To not want to see my ohs family?

[Rspu3]

Can’t stand any of them.
Been with oh for nearly 10’years he’s a lovely person really baffles me how he’s so nice and their not.
Last 2 years I’ve started to avoid them ( I used to go there quite a lot there house I mean)
Me and oh have struggled to concieve for years. His brother abandons his children and has now “the perfect family” unit with his new gf and her kid.
They make vile comments about me and oh not having any children yet. ( they don’t know about our situation think it’s through choice as oh does t want them knowing) I find it hard to see my sil’s pregnancies ( there’s 2 of them) and the nasty comments we get because of it. It’s hard enough coping with our situation so I find myself shaking and feeling like I can’t breath when I kind of have to be around them e.g Christmas.
Am I being unreasonable? I love my oh just don’t want to be around his family and don’t think it will ever change.

What are the comments they are making? If they're cruel or unkind your OH needs to stand up for you somehow, he can do that without telling the truth about your situation.

Why are you hiding the situation?

We are not hiding it. It’s personal and I find it hard to talk about and we want to keep it between ourselves. We need ivf and don’t want the added pressure of everyone asking “has it worked yet” type comments.
His brothers say horrible things about him there was one time when one brother said he is a Jaffa and that’s why we haven’t got any children. Like I said they are vile x

They sound horrible. I don’t blame you for avoiding them.

Another time his mother told me she didn’t think we would ever have children and she’s getting impatient as she wants her oldest son to have a child, it’s just comments like that really and I have to grin and bear them. Think oh ignores the comments really think he is used to being taken the piss out of all the time as he’s grown up with it.

I can sympathise. My OH's family are similar. We have a child but it doesn't stop the nasty comments. Nasty people will always find a way to be nasty. I try to avoid visits as much as I can but some are unavoidable.

Shit is isn’t it! I look at my sils and don’t get how they love spending time their with their kids knowing they take the piss out of them too and call it “banter”. I can take a joke but think as I’ve matured and grown through my 20s I’ve opened my eyes to their true colours and have got sick and tired of the jokes and banter every time we are around them, it actually started to drain me and gave me a complex about things they were making fun of so I decided to stop going around. They e also noticed this but I won’t give them a reason, as I know they will say “it’s just the way we are you know what we are like by now” 🙄I’m actually worried that one day they will say something awful again and I won’t be able to contain my emotions

Ugh. My vile sil told so many mutual friends that we couldn't have kids (she knew nothing of our struggles, just that we hadn't had a baby in the first five years of marriage) and so she had offered to have a baby for us.

When I pulled her up on it, she a) asked how I knew because you told a lot of my neighbors and friends, you stupid bitch b) told me it was because she thought it would be cool to tell people that she was having her brothers baby.

Some people are fucking horrors.

Why in hell doesn't your OH stick up for you and defend you? Is he at all aware of the emotional trauma you suffer being around them?

Why do you go near them? You are not obliged to have contact with them anymore than your oh would have to have contact with your side of the family. If he's happy to visit his family and put up with their vile comments, then let him off. I'd be arranging my own day out while he's gone, or an evening in having a nice soak and catching up on Netflix. You don't have to invite them to your home but if Dh wants them over then you can go and visit friends/family. I'd say if you had children they would just find something else to be cunts about. Don't stand for it anymore.

He doesn’t defend his self really either when he’s around them, if they take it too far he does tell them to leave me alone. They are all like children in the head including his mother. Comments towards him hurt me as this is my situation too (not being able to get pregnant) I know it also hurts him but he is a quiet man and keeps things to himself. Despite this we have a good relationship and love each other dearly, but I’m also afraid this will drive a wedge between us as it is still his family and must be hard for him being in the middle somewhat. I had no problem with the comments before it’s just since my 2 sils have had children it’s become hard to see them all with their families and children and us being the odd ones out and then being made fun of because of it. I can’t actually describe how much it hurts. Luckily my mom is my rock and is lovely she also thinks they are vile, she’s only met his mom twice and she says she can’t stand her

@Drum2018 I do it when I have to really just Christmas and birthday meals, I actually refused to see bil and sil new baby at Christmas, I know it’s horrible but I couldn’t face it and decided for myself I’m not putting myself through it. I said I was ill and not bothered to see baby since. I only make the effort at occasions as however much I hate then they are still my ohs family, I’ve tried to explain to him that I would never let any of my family talk to him the way they talk to me but I think because I used to kind of get on with them before the children arrived in the family the past couple of years he thinks I will just go back to how I was before.

Oh and yes they would definatly find something to be cunts about before all this it was about my weight as I’d gained weight the past few years my fil was the instigator of it. I could put up with it though, I just can’t put up with the comments about infertility it’s too deep of a wound and it already breaks my heart without them rubbing it in.