NC father and my newborn son

[sirmione16]

More of a WWYD, I don't feel I'm being unreasonable really...

Parents split up with I was 3, i chose to go NC with my father when I was 16 after years of seeing him cruel and manipulative to family, seeing him drunk, protecting my brother from petty acts and at times psychological abuse. He's a long and big time alcoholic.

Anyway, I text him to tell him I was pregnant but said it doesn't not mean I want a relationship - it was out of courtesy and to avoid any family members feeling awkward if it came up in conversation.

Now the baby is here, and apparently he's made comments about how he wants to meet him just once, "at least I've met my grandson" and it's torn at my heartstrings a little... I don't know how long he has due to his alcoholism and health issues, and part of me things irregardless of who he is, surely he should meet his grandson?? But another part of me says I do not want this man in my sons life because of who he is, he hasn't been involved in mine for years, and is he really bothered as he hasn't tried even once to make contact throughout this pregnancy....

What would you do? Or have you done in a similar situation? To meet or not to meet?

You said yourself - you don't want this man in your life and definitely not your sons.

Stay strong, you shouldn't feel obliged to do your DF any favours.

I am NC with both parents and I do not plan on facilitating any contact, they lost that right when they were awful to me.

I’ve been no contact with my step father for 7 years, I did wonder about contacting him about his gc but I realized if he wasn’t good enough to be in my life like hell is he good enough for my child....keep your child away from toxic relationships him not meeting his gc is just another price he has to pay for not being a good parent or person to those who cared about him. It’s not down to you it’s his choice to have acted that way.

I wouldnt give him the grace. A photo maybe but that woukd be it.

I’m in a similar situation, parentscsplit when I was 1 or 2. Saw my dad irregularly over the years and last saw him 27 years ago when I was 19. My Nan died in December and I found him on Facebook and let him know I was sorry about my Nan. He hasn’t asked but I’m torn whether to meet up with him. He’s over the moon to be back in contact and hear about his grandchildren. It’s tough for sure x

Thank you all for replies, they're the answer I needed to hear I think. It's true, I don't want him impacting my son like he did my life, which for me is more important than his feelings. After all, he's bought this upon himself hasn't he? So...

Why do I still feel guilty...

I'd see him. Why should you carry a burden of guilt for his behaviour?
You don't need to have a relationship. Just meet somewhere public, introduce him to his grandchild, and tell him you prefer to limit the relationship to non-personal contact like birthday and Christmas cards.

Why do I feel so guilty?

Yes - this is something we're stuck with.
Humans are hardwired to form bonds and we are stuck with the feeing that we should have relationships with our parents.
It's rubbish but you need to remember how much more free and relaxed you feel without him & the reasons you went NC in the first place. It's worth a little bit of guilt.

Just know you're not the only one who feels the guilt.

I've not spoken to my father for 15 years. He's made contact with my brother, but I have no plans at all to see him ever again or let him meet my DCs. People always tell me I'm hard in certain situations, I prefer to think "I just don't take crap off anyone".