to think I won't be having sex for a very long time?

[loloremos]

3 month old DC. Dad not on the scene. Loving being a single mum and every ounce of my being is going in to raising my son.

Haven't had sex in nearly a year as not been with anyone since me and his dad split up.

I'm absolutely craving that closeness to someone. With a 3 month old to look after too though... AIBU thinking I'm unlikely to be getting any anytime soon? 😩

I'm not sure what to say! At 3 months in I had no interest at all...

Also, I'd be really reluctant to get involved with anyone at such a key time in your and your baby's life.

Could you develop your existing friendships to be a bit more touchy feely? Or treat yourself to a regular massage? There comes a point when you feel totally touched out with children, anyway!

@picklemepopcorn I think it's because I spent my entire pregnancy wanting it but let's face it, who was going to go near me?

It's been nearly a year. I don't want a partner, not whilst my son is so little. Never had a ONS before and won't be able to for a long time I imagine. I just miss that closeness.

Maybe I'm just having a moment of madness...

I know where you're coming from OP, it was 2 years for me when I split from my exh. As far as sex goes, you can manage it yourself but I understand missing that closeness.

My best advice is to use this time for yourself, do what you want when you want and enjoy being single and independent. For me, I found out what I wanted in a relationship - and life - and was much stronger as a result. I worked on issues and boundaries, things I'd had problems with before, and I'm much happier and confident in myself now.

I'm not sure if that helps

I'm recently single with a 1 year old and 7 year old but come with the added bonus of a stbxh. I know what you mean, I miss the closeness and the evenings seem really long! If you have so someone trusted to have baby there's nothing wrong with getting back out there or trying online dating.

I fear you'll get a lot of responses along the lines of "I wasn't even thinking about it at 3 months" and "I wouldn't care if I never had sex again", so just in case: YANBU to be ready and to want it.

I would probably not be seeking a serious relationship at this stage in your life obviously, but I don't see why you couldn't have sex in the not too distant future, as long as your son is with a trusted person for a few hours and you do it safely and with good boundaries. You could date casually, or if you have a trusted male friend and you think you could maintain emotional separation FWB might work. Up to you really - YWNBU to decide casual isn't your bag either.

My friend was in a similar situation (kids a bit older though) and she just found herself a 'casual friend' online. They were both upfront about what they wanted. Worked great for both of them. I suppose it depends if you want something casual or more intimate.

Obviously childcare is an issue but if you have a babysitter/friend/family to watch your baby then why not?

9 years for me. And I don't even have kids!

You don't get much closeness in a one night stand anyway. They aren't interested in your pleasure and unless theres immense chemistry, it is usually dull and you end up wishing u hadn't bothered.

A few years back I realised it had been a while...(maybe anotger 2 years.)so I tried tinder. Ended up taking two busses to get to this guys place (we'd had a date first and he seemed sane enough). Ten minutes after dinner I'm on my back being straddled by someone I realise I'm not actually as attracted to as I initially thought......and the livingroom had looked a little bit girly, for my liking. Though he assured me that was his female flatmates doing. Holy shit that lube is cold. I feel like a baby having its nappy changed. OK we're going for it. 5 minutes later he is still pounding away and... I am so fucking bored. On and on...I mean what are the chances one finally has some stamina...and it happens to be this guy, who makes me feel like a sex doll.

Left there and I haven't had sex since. Another two years. And every time my hand hovers over tinder, I remember that and think - nope!

I really should start dating again, but its difficult to meet ppl when you work alone :/ but yeah, intimacy and one night stands don't tend to go together.

YANBU, and I agree that people will say '3 months....etc' but two weeks post birth and I was more than ready.

But I also agree that now probably isn't the time to be looking for a relationship right now, hormones all over the place, but when the time is ready, don't be afraid to try dating apps. A couple of my friends have come out with long-term relationships (though had to wade through a few frogs first...)