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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask why you 'never wake a sleeping baby'?

19 replies

WorriedFTM1 · 20/02/2019 10:55

So, my baby has severe IUGR (Intrauterine growth restriction) caused by issues with the placenta and weighed 4lbs at full term. Because of his low birth weight, on advice of his doctors we have had to feed him at least every two hours which often required waking him to feed. He is 5 months old now and although still below the 0.4th centile he is doing better weight-wise so we no longer have to keep such a strict schedule and can let him sleep for longer periods. However, I'm finding it hard to get past the worry of him sleeping too long (and therefore missing feeds) and I often read on here 'never wake a sleeping baby' (sometimes prefaced with 'unless low weight' etc). Its got me wondering why these exact words are often used. Is it because if the baby is sleeping it gives you a chance to sleep/get on with stuff/have a break? Or is there another more medical/ developmental reason? If my baby is having a long nap in the daytime should I truly not wake him and let him have as much sleep as he wants or does there come a point when you think 'ok, enough now' and wake to feed them?

OP posts:

MrsMarmite1234 · 20/02/2019 10:58

For me it’s because it takes long enough to get DD to go to sleep that there’s no chance I’d wake her. Unless she’s poorly my thinking is if she’s hungry she’ll tell me.

Birdsgottafly · 20/02/2019 11:02

If a Baby is a decent weight and feeding well, then there isn't a medical need to wake them.

When you wake them, they can get overtired and that leads to high cortisol levels.

You've got to learn to judge your Baby, some don't get distressed by being woken and kept awake.

Some don't sleep any better, of a night, if they are kept awake of a day. Some really need routine naps.

Others are more easy going.

Jackshouse · 20/02/2019 11:07

The phrase is never wake a sleeping well baby.

The assumption is that if the baby is sleeping then that is its pressing need at the moment.

Sometimes you need to wake a sleeping baby eg you need to go somewhere or they have a medical need. If you are unsure if you need to wake your baby to feed him then ask his medical team.

liverbird10 · 20/02/2019 11:09

I always assumed it was because they're finally quiet and it's a nightmare to get them back to sleep.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/02/2019 11:12

The advice of never waking a sleeping baby is generally because babies do better when they are not woken in the middle of a sleep cycles and will generally be grumpy if woken in the middle of one. It's generally better to let babies determine their own routines (within reason) as babies are different and usually know what they need when.

As with all generalised advice that's dished out there will be exceptions; as my eldest got older and had only one nap I really had to wake him from it or he'd sleep for 3 hours then stay up till 11pm and eventually become completely nocturnal. If a baby is unwell or not large enough they may well need to be woken - I would listen to your own instinct and medical advice over catch all advice on MN!

MRex · 20/02/2019 11:12

Healthy babies wake up when they aren't tired any more. Sometimes they need more sleep due to growth spurts or development, so let them have it or you'll have a grumpy baby.

outpinked · 20/02/2019 11:14

Because healthy babies will wake up and tell you when something is wrong so there’s no need to wake them up, they will just be grumpy which nobody wants...

Stopwoofing · 20/02/2019 11:16

It’s because they are grumpy if woken - follow your professionals’ advice in your situation op, these sayings don’t help you. That sounds a very tough start to things for you all.

You do sometimes have to wake them when they are toddlers etc as not all kids magically self regulate - mine didn’t, and if they nap around 3-4 then they are often harder to get down at night.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 20/02/2019 11:17

Babies' nervous system develops as they sleep, and as they are growing a lot, they need extra sleep at times. We had premature twins and used to wake them to feed in the early days but as they grew I started to prioritise their sleep over extra feeds and felt that it benefited them more. I hated waking them from a nice deep sleep as I felt it was giving them a bit of a fright and (rightly or wrongly!) didn't like the effect that could have on their nervous system each night

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 20/02/2019 11:19

PS My smaller twin was 3lb 9oz and the bigger was 4lb 1oz but they didn't leave hospital until they were nearly 5lb

Original poster

WorriedFTM1 · 20/02/2019 11:23

Thanks everyone for your comments so far. I guess I'm just finding it really hard to get out of that pattern of thinking that something is wrong (low blood sugar etc) if he's asleep for a long time. Our situation is a little different so I will of course follow the advice of his Consultant etc but sometimes even they say 'trust your instincts' which is when of course it all goes to pot ;)
There's always something for us to worry about isn't there?!

OP posts:

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 20/02/2019 11:31

Always! But the early days are the most difficult for second guessing yourself. Once they get bigger and hardier it becomes less worrying. What weight is your baby now?

Original poster

WorriedFTM1 · 20/02/2019 11:35

He's 11lbs 4 oz but starting to put on better and following his own curve.

OP posts:

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 20/02/2019 11:37

That's great! I think you'll probably start trusting your own judgement bit by bit now that he's growing well. Best of luck!

Whoops75 · 20/02/2019 11:37

I often woke my babies for feeds, if they overslept they fussed at the next feed from hunger.

Keep a feeding and changing journal to help ease your mind. If the baby has a good feed then letting them sleep a little longer would be ok but not if they had a smaller feed.

A little bit of instinct is ok

Stinkytoe · 20/02/2019 11:40

My girls had IUGR, for the first month or so we woke them to feed but once they were steadily gaining weight we let them sleep. They’re 18 months now and still somewhere under the 2nd percentile but doing really well.
I think babies need sleep to learn and grow, As well as the fact that some can be a pain to get to sleep in the first place!

Original poster

WorriedFTM1 · 20/02/2019 16:54

True! At least we aren't in the 2 hour cycle anymore. By the time he had fed, been winded and settled it was time to feed again!

OP posts:

hammeringinmyhead · 20/02/2019 17:08

Having had my overtired baby screaming bloody murder last week for a whole evening because a badly timed baby class interrupted a nap, I definitely know why this is a thing now!

CalamityJune · 20/02/2019 17:19

I always linked it to 'sleep begets sleep' which i read in mumsnet and found to true with my ds when he was a baby. Better,longer naps usually meant he was more relaxed and slept better at night too. If he became overtired he would struggle to nod off and we'd end up having to take him for a drive to get him to sleep.

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