Receptionist at work seems to hate me

[Nenuco]

Posting for traffic...need advice!!!

I started a new job two weeks ago, and I don't know what I did to earn the ire of the receptionist. I always make it a point to greet her, and she returns it either with a grimace or completely doesn't answer.

Our only interactions were during a work lunch, where she was invited by my team. We were very civil, I thought it went fine. Another time was when I asked for help to figure out a lock, and I was very nice about it. It turned out the lock was broken (after several times/a day of me trying to figure it out!), and she even said sorry for assigning me the broken lock.

What should I do? I don't want her to be mad at me, as I know she can make things difficult for me.

Advice please?

Ignore, she’ll forget she hates you and find another focus. If she wears a headset to answer calls it’s hard to know if she is mid- caller. A cheery morning, goodbye with no eye contact should do. If you need to discuss anything go straight to the point as you are a busy person . Receptionist where I work is awfully rude so I keep it like this. She now says hello to me and smiles

I also think what has helped me in similar situations is just accepting that the person doesn’t like me and they’re never going to give me their approval, so why bother trying to get it.

I reckon she wants your job and resents you for having "her" job. The first couple of times she was nice to you, was your boss or someone else she might want to impress, also present?

Tell her she makes you feel uncomfortable and ask her if there is something you have done to upset her. No point going round in circles wondering.

Sorry just read your post about the phone OP. What was your message to her about it like? she could have misinterpreted your tone. If it was saying that the courier was supposed to do this or that. It may have read that you were saying she should have made the courier ask for you or what ever. Its better to keep these messages really really factual and without a lot of explanation and just keep it to "Hi, I am expecting a phone delivery, has it arrived." or even just popped down and politely told her but kept it really brief with no back story about when or couriers etc. If she has taken offence, all you can do is continue being neutral and polite and it will gradually wind down. I think in your early time in a job its always a case of least said soonest mended.

Some people seem to hate new people until one day they suddenly decide they like you.

I've worked with people like that, maybe she just doesn't like change in the team. It's rude and unpleasant and can make you feel really insecure when you are on the receiving end. It's hard to call them on it though as they are polite to your face and when you are with others.

I used to get very upset about things like this but I'm nearly 50 now and, honestly, I just have a quiet little internal laugh about how silly, insecure and pathetic they are being.

Try not to take it personally, worry that it's something you've done or go out of your way to avoid upsetting her (I know this is hard) and just be consistently pleasant and polite to her but don't go out of your way to interact unless you need to as part of your work.

This is just bog standard, shitty workplace politics. Don’t give it a second’s more thought, rise above it.

My first teaching job one of the TAs took an instant dislike to me for no reason. One day a few months invI was on playground duty and her daughter came up to me and said
"my mummy hates you"
"I know"
Daughter looks at me, clearly wanting a reaction she can take back to her mum. I start chatting to another child and the daughter wanders off but the TA was always much nicer to me after that.

I think killing with kindness won't work either. Recognise that she's taken against you for whatever reason (professional jealousy sounds likely) and continue to greet her civilly but no more than that.

I had one of these in the Payroll/Finance office but she was much, much worse. In the end, I was having to BCC our boss into emails because she was blatantly lying about important things. I am always told I am “too nice” and I think some people who are naturally hard and abrasive are kindness as weakness and see nice people as being low down in the pecking order.

I tried being even nicer. It was the worst possible thing to do. So I started blanking her in the corridor because that’s clearly what she wanted and being very firm and clear in my interactions with her, always making sure I had a witness (because she’d often lie about things she’d agreed to).

So in the past;

“Good Morning, Deb, how are you? I’m so sorry to bother you but no one has explained to me how things work with the petty cash and I need to go out and buy some food for the PTA Barbecue this afternoon as we’ve had a few last minute RSPVs. Please can I have some money?”

And I’d have to endure having her looking at me with disgust the entire time like I was a piece of dirt on her shoe.

B: “Hi Deb, Mr Headmaster has sent me. I need the Petty Cash book and £50 for the PTA BBQ.”

Said with absolutely no emotion and no hint of gratitude.

The colder I was to her, the nicer she was to me.

From here on out, ignore her unless you need to speak to her and when you do keep it short and to the point. You’ll probably find out that she softens a bit.

Either that or catch her mid-grimace and say “Is something the matter? I’ve noticed that whenever I’m polite and say good morning you look uncomfortable. Would you prefer that I stop?” She’s being passive aggressive and thinking that she’s getting away with it.

Well it isn't me (phew!) as I haven't had any dealings with a lock - oh wait I have! I don't think it is me though.

She may have had a few bad days. The times when she greets people and they look right through her. I am not particularly bothered by that but I am when I am trying to talk to people and they ignore/can't hear me.

Also the ones from other depts who barge in asking for things and when I have already said we don't have something but make a token attempt at looking, they stick their hear in the drawer just to check I am not fiendishly hanging on to a mountain of pens. We don't supply their needs anyway.

Also those who have rather unfortunate attitudes/lack of manners and go up to you and demand you do this/that/put things right (usually on a Saturday when only ward staff and us are around, no managers). When they speak/snap at me I often want to ask if there is a dog in the office or where they speaking at me??

Oh and the ones who when they are put through and the line is engaged, what am I going to do about it? Where is my magic wand?

I mean stick their head in the drawer.

It's really easy to decide what someone else thinks and then run with it, but you may be getting it wrong. We often assume that we know what someone is thinking, why they do something etc, but the truth is we rarely do. She may be having massive personal problems or something.
Stop letting her take so much headspace. Be nice to her, you just never know what's going on.

That could be the old receptionist I used to work with, you will probably find out quite soon that she is a bit of a bitch and not many people like her, they are just nice to her cus she is a useful person to keep on side.
Honestly, don't give any more head space, and I wouldn't bother trying to befriend her. She has probably seen a lot of people come and go and can't be bothered with small talk. Give it a year and she will probably be nice to you.

I find a good greeting is to say a strong "Good morning" when entering any room. It's not a question, it doesn't require a response. Say it in a low loud and confident voice without a smile.

Sorry just read your post about the phone OP. What was your message to her about it like?

My message was:

Hi ! Do you know a M**? My company phone was delivered yesterday, and the courier said the phone was accepted by him.

That's it!

Next time she ignores you just ask her (nicely) if you have upset her and what you can do to make it right. Probably you will completely wrong-foot her and she will stammer an irrelevant answer, but it should sort things out.

You aré investing too much energy in it. How much interaction will you be required to have with this person going forward?

I'd be inclined to say "is there a problem?" Next time I saw a grimace. But I'm a lot less tolerant of this type of bullshit now.

I think she wants my job because in her Linkedin, she represents herself there as not a receptionist, but with my job title.

WTF? That's very weird and almost definitely why she dislikes you.

The thing is, sometimes people are just like this. It’s rude and unprofessional in the workplace, but unfortunately you do come across them. People have their own strange internal vendettas. I remember when I started working in offices in my late teens I was struck by how petty people could be, I had wrongly assumed that people working were adults and had grown out of schoolday silliness – but no!
All you can do is be professional and civil, if someone is rude/unengaged that is their problem – not yours. They are not worth worrying about because it’s unlikely you can’t change it.
We can only control our actions, not what people think of us.

Ignore her of she is unkind, Continue to be kind, is it a close knit company.
If your the newbie, she probably thinks she is head of the clan or she is just a bitch.
Do not let it bother you, hopefully she will be lovely once your there a time.
Is she working there long.

everyday I say hi and she always returns a grimace or completely doesn't answer or look at me
Feck acting kind, she is a rude cow, stop saying hi

The thing is - why do you care?

It’s just a work colleague. You won’t be liked by everyone all the time. It doesn’t matter!

My old boss didn’t just dislike me, she hated me, because she felt very threatened by me. I think you’re in a similar situation. I just dealt with it by avoiding her where possible and being civil when I had to talk to her and making sure I royally shafted her when I left

I only care now about being liked/respected by people that I actually respect at work - if they don’t deserve my respect then I couldn’t care less if they like me or not! Unkind, jealous cows don’t deserve respect...

I vote for what ShadyLady53 suggests...
[...]catch her mid-grimace and say “Is something the matter? I’ve noticed that whenever I’m polite and say good morning you look uncomfortable. Would you prefer that I stop?” She’s being passive aggressive and thinking that she’s getting away with it.

I also agree with ShartGoblin
I think she wants my job because in her Linkedin, she represents herself there as not a receptionist, but with my job title.

WTF? That's very weird and almost definitely why she dislikes you.

↑That's pretty much your answer right there!

Ignore, ignore, ignore. My current receptionist (been here forever) was rude and offhand when i first joined the firm. She was trying it on, she is one of those women who like to have ‘power’ to firstly establish the ‘power’, she had to ascertain how I would react, whether I was vulnerable and good for lording it over. She picked the wrong person . I put her in her place (by being assertive but maintaining utmost professionalism I should add), she has been nothing but (overly) pleasant since, bordering on OTT.

Do not ‘kill her with kindness’, she will think you are weak.

Isn’t it ridiculous the games we have to play with people desperate for power in the workplace I literally come to work, smile at the odd colleague, do my job (very well) and bugger off, I have no time for such nonsense