to expect dh to post to his sister a birthday present I bought for her?

[curiouscat]

Everyone on dh's side know he's useless at sending cards/presents etc. Since marrying me they're delighted to receive things wrapped, on time, at all.

After 11 years marriage I've decided it's up to him - he's one of 4 siblings, all married with kids etc plus parents alive. In April I bought his sister's bday present, a small necklace, and gave it to him to post. It's still sitting around our house gathering dust.

Two days ago she gave birth to her first children (twins). He hasn't bothered sending a card/flowers or anything.

I don't think this is ok but am sick of feeling like I'm being neglectful when it's HIS family. This particular sister is sensitive and will certainly notice lack of attention to the birth and I'm embarrassed. Worse than that I know he prefers his other sister.

I don't know if he's doing it deliberately or not but at 42 isn't he old enough to be kind to his family without me breathing down his neck

YANBU. It is his family, you are right there.

But you've given him a get out clause for 11 years by doing the right thing. And now it's a bit of a shock to his system having to do it himself.

Why don't you 'phone up the sister who's just had the babies/birthday when DH is there, apologise for lack of gift but say you think it's DH's responsibility as you've just realised you're his wife not his mother. Then pass the 'phone over to him smiling sweetly.

I know how you feel though. My DH's family breathe down my neck if I've not got the DCs thank you cards out within a week. They think it's outrageous. As if it's that important to get them out within a week!

Each to their own, but I regard DH's family as mine.

hmmm, yes, you have set a precedent by doing it for 11 years!
its not in most men's nature or brain capacity to remember things like that and to save embarassment all around i always do the card / prezzie sending to all his family. They would only think i had forgotton after all - not him!!

but surely they are your niece/nephew too!!
i've been with dh for 12 yrs now and his family are mine
its true i'm normally the one to send the cards/gifts etc but its because i want to as they are my family not because of duty

Last year SIL bought a card for her DP's mother's birthday, wrote it, addressed it, put a stamp on it and asked him to post it on his way past the postbox. His response? "You're so high maintenance"

Somehow, he lives...