PND - it gets better!!!

[Chimmychunga]

A year ago, my DS was 6 weeks old and I was suicidal. I wanted both him and me to die because then I wouldn't spend every waking moment worrying about how he might come to harm or how I've ruined his short, tiny life.

I was at rock bottom. Exhausted and surfing from PTSD after a horrendous birth.

In my clouded state, I posted on AIBU and spilt my guts on how I felt guilt and how I just didn't want to live anymore.

We all know AIBU can be a brutal place at times but I was overwhelmed with every single poster supporting me, messaging me kind words and offering advice. Some shared their own stories and everyone urged me to seek help.

I did. And I got better. I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety. Put on setraline straight away and began CBT with the perinatal team a few weeks later.

I'm so happy to say I've been discharged and I feel amazing. My life with my DS is everything I could hope for and more. I wanted to let anyone know who may be feeling low after their birth that things WILL GET BETTER!!! It's all temporary and asking for help be it on MN to guide you to the correct services or a professional who can help you is so worth while.

I'm still overwhelmed by the kindness shown by strangers on the internet without whom, I may not even be here writing this.

I hope anyone who has experienced a similar crisis to me has comfort in the knowledge that "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light"

Please forgive me posting in AIBU. I felt it was needed as I've gone full circle from that dark, awful post I made last year on AIBU.

Thanks for sharing.

Bloody well done and thanks for posting!

Yes!! Amazing
Well done OP and well done for sharing too

I'm glad you are feeling better. AIBU is pretty brutal at times (when people post parking questions) but when someone really needs help, they are amazing.

Fab news OP

My PND is just starting to ease up at 12 weeks and it’s wonderful to finally start enjoying being a mum.

So glad to read that you're better now.
Well done to you for seeking the help you needed

I developed pnd a few months after the birth of my DS, unlike you I didn't have the courage to seek help.

It's been a long and horrible year but recently it feels like the clouds are lifting. I no longer spend all day sat on the sofa feeling desperate, anxious and scared. I'm slowly enjoying life again. I didn't think these days would come, especially as I didn't speak out. I only wish I had, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I'd urge anybody else suffering to take the leap and speak to somebody. We don't need to suffer in silence, that is a lesson I'm telling myself now.

Great news OP so glad you are now loving life with your baby.

Just wanted to give this a bump :)

I had exactly the same experience (right down to the timing!) and the support I got from AIBU saved my life. I'll always be grateful to Mumsnet for that.

Here's to us OP. Isn't it bloody magnificent to get through it? I love my daughter endlessly and I'm so glad we made it.

Darkstar4855 So glad the fog is finally starting to lift for you! It's a dark time but things will only get better from here!

Oh, Februaryblooms I'm so sorry you didn't seek help, I can remember how awful I felt and deliberating whether to tell my HV, terrified she'd take DS away but also hoping she might as I thought he deserved a better mum. I hate to think someone else had a similar type of disparity but went through it alone. I just want to reach out through my phone and give you a great big unmumsnetty hug. I'm so happy you're feeling better now

Peachgreen oh amazing! It's overwhelming isn't it. If I think about it too much, I have a little cry. My original thread had hundreds of posts and every single one was of support and kindness. Oh I'm welling up now!! Yes, here is to us! we've blooming done it!