Is my mum being unreasonable to throw him out?

[kidsdriveyoucrazy]

My mum is 63 she has a small two bedroom flat the spare room is for my niece she is in foster care and fingers crossed will be moving in next month.

So anyhow my brother is 40 has a bad gambling addiction has been gambling his housing benefit. He moved all his things into my mums house said he needed some things washing but never went back home and finally admitted to my mum a week later he had been kicked out.

The issue my mum is having is she feels like a stranger in her own home, he is incredibly dirty sleeps in his clothes doesn't wash. He sleeps on her sofa and it absolutely stinks we've had to strip it.

He thinks other people have germs and shouts at mum for putting her shopping bags on the floor because "you don't know where they've been" constantly tells her to wash her hands when their already clean. When in fact he's actually the dirty one!

My mums fed up and wants her home back he isn't contributing to food shop or anything. Is she being unreasonable to throw him out? She really is at her last tether.

Of course she's not being unreasonable and in a way she's enabling his behaviour by letting him stay.

No yes is not. He is an adult.

Just realised that makes no sense! I need a nap. No she is not unreasonable.

Yes she should kick him out. MIL took in BIL after he went bankrupt. After he moved back out the bailiffs turned up on her doorstep: he hadn't changed any details and everything was registered at MIL's: he owed thousands. About a week later - after MIL had negotiated with the bailiffs - another set turned up over a different debt. If your DB has a gambling addiction: what if he runs out of money and starts selling DM's stuff? Or racking up debt registered to her property? Get rid.

Totally NOT unreasonable to kick him out. But make sure he doesn't move in with you!

Seriously though, does he have MH issues? The gambling/lack of hygiene/obsessive thoughts about germs could point to this.

Your poor mum. What a bully.

He should count himself lucky that he’s had a week or two of free food & sofa.

Let’s hope he’s spent that time working, saving a deposit and room hunting or he’s heading for a hostel. Which hopefully will force him to get some help.

It does sound as if there as some mental health problems going on there, does he have a diagnosis?

She's absolutely nbu. My relative's bf had a bad gambling habit. He and my relative lived with her mum - he would steal from them to fund the habit and she ended up saying he had to leave. He's left them all in debt, and was an utter drain. Best decision she could've made.

He thinks other people have germs

Where will Mum be throwing out her son with obvious MH issues to? I’m not saying she shouldn’t, but what is her Plan B? Under the railways arches? On a park bench? Where do these homeless people, kicked out, go to?

I see plenty of threads, and on SM, of all the hand wrenching about street homeless, and the old 'someone ought to do something' about it. I presume the miracle of social housing is the solution? Despite this chap having a gambling addiction and spunking his benefit.

But if nothing else – if people take away from this thread people are homeless for a variety of reasons – usually relationship break down, financial issues and mental health issues.

She needs to kick him out TODAY. Have her call the police for assistance if he kicks off.

He needs to go ASAP. If not for your mum then definitely for DN, I would think the house been overcrowded with an unwashed bully sleeping on the sofa could be a major barrier to her been allowed to move in.

She needs to tell him to leave. Her priority is her Grand daughter and bring her home. I do not think Social Workers would be happy to return her in the current situation.

He will have to go if she wants her granddaughter to move there from foster care. There is no way social work will move her if he stays.

Give him two weeks to leave and never let him come back.

I would think that if she is hoping to have her granddaughter to come out of foster care and live with her then it will be essential that she kicks his sorry arse out.

Your niece's needs trump those of your brother, I would say. Is he her dad?

Is the niece the daughter of your brother who is currently staying there?

I don't blame your mum for wanting rid, but your brother clearly needs help. As several PPs mentioned, does he have a diagnosis and/or any professional support? Has he engaged with any organisations like GA (gamblers anon) to try to get help?

He needs to be out straight away. Is he your niece's father?

No niece is my other brothers daughter he's another waste of space.

He doesn't steal or anything like that he's just a tramp! He knows he has to be out before my niece comes to live there.But my mum is fed up she never agreed to have him their he just rocked up.

All he does is just mope around feeling sorry for himself.

She can get the police to help remove him.

She owes him exactly nothing and he is not her problem.

I'd do it in a heartbeat, as he is forcing her to put him up - which is, in my view, domestic abuse and coercion.