To ask how some people always look so polished

[LMW1990]

I'm lucky if my socks match. I always have good intentions to get up early and do my hair but in reality it gets scraped back 2 seconds before I leave for work. I always look blotchy and cannot achieve the porcelain smooth look unless I have 20 million hours to do it. My nails are bitten. My eyebrows have their own personality.

How do people do it?!

I have recently gone back to work after a year plus off with my now-toddler. I definitely think organisation is the key to looking smart/ put together.

Things I do:

• Pluck eyebrows, shave legs at the weekend
• Prep what I can the night before (choose clothes, pack nursery bag for toddler, put laptop etc by the door ready to go)
• Get up early enough to shower and dry hair before DH leaves for work (6.20am to leave house 7.45am)
• Have breakfast etc in dressing gown so as not to get mess on my clothes
• Give myself 10 mins to dress, put make-up on and curl hair with tongs after dressing toddler
• Spray perfume and hairspray on my way out
• Drive to work so I don't get wind-blown!

I think I generally look fairly smart at work. It all falls apart at the weekend though!! 😂

Good skincare routine
Ditto haircut
Sleep

And top polished in 20 seconds tip - red lipstick. Don’t let it frighten you, slap it on just before you leave the house and run out immediately until you get used to it.

Mitzik Your post made me laugh so hard I think you have given me a bloody hernia!! And maybe a fast track to Tena Lady Porcelain swan love it!

I wear uniform for work which is too big so look scruffy 😫

I do look after my skin though and do my hair nicely. And put a bit of make up on.

My eyebrows are microbladed on and my nails are done every 3 weeks along with my eyelashes.

I still don't feel polished though. I look at other people and think they do!

I think I look reasonably polished...

A good haircut - my hair is quite curly so I get it cut by a curly hair hairdresser. I wash, add serum and leave to dry naturally. Always looks nice and in good condition. It's about shoulder length. I'd prefer it longer but it doesn't look as good then...

I drink 2 litres of water daily, eat reasonably well and exercise about twice a week.

I use the oil cleansing method with coconut oil and either coconut oil or a simple moisturiser to moisturise. No other products.

I make face masks out of either porridge oats; Greek yogurt and raw honey or turmeric; Greek yoghurt and raw honey.

The only make up I wear is foundation mixed with a small amount of moisturiser; mascara and the Rose vaseline. Very, very occasionally, I will put some neutral eyeshadow on.

I keep my eyebrows 'neat' and my nails short but filed. I rarely, if ever, wear nail polish.

I only wear small hoop earrings. Always have a nose ring in. I usually wear DMs (10 or 14 hole) with a knee length tea dress. I'm curvy and fairly 'fit' but certainly not slim (about a 12/14).

I'm 44 and most people assume I'm mid - late 30s. I'm not sure I always look 'polished' but I don't think I ever look 'rough'.

Nails - must be neat and clean. Scrub specifically them, every day, and use cream on them.

Hair - must be neat and clean. Straighten it if you must but do at least have it trimmed to a very manageable length

Clothes - must be neat and clean, also must be in good condition. Bobbly clothes with little holes in will not cut it,. Spend money.

  On the subject of clothes, a note about socks. Nobody should ever notice them. They should always be invisible. Comedy fluffy socks are for wearing with pyjamas, the don't leave the house.
  Similarly, leggings. No. Tights or trousers. Bare legs if hot. Leggings are basically slubby sportswear.

Shoes - in good condition and complementary to the outfit you're wearing. No flipflops unless you are on the beach. No tatty tennis shoes. Proper shoes with business wear, not slubby ballet pumps.

Accessories - must be complementary. I know there's a boho-chic thing on Mumsnet about "not being too matchy matchy" but that only works if you have a LOT of money and no job. "Matchy matchy" looks neat and tidy as long as it's not taken to ridiculous extremes. If your handbag and scarf have a theme of warm taupe, and you're wearing brown, don't then go and sling navy blue stilettoes on. Read the mood of your own outfit. You're not a fashion mogul and can't afford to be outlandish if you're trying to simply be neat and polished. Additonal to this, don't pile accessories on. One bangle, one scarf OR necklace, and a handbag is plenty.

I never looked very polished until I had a bit more disposable income. I have:

Highlights every three months: £120
Brow tint and wax every four weeks: £17
Lash extensions every two weeks: £35
Cheek filler every six months: £550
Shellac nails every two weeks: £23
Light fake tan (at home) about £30 a month

Most of my clothes are from Reiss which is quite smart and polished although I do mix in things from Topshop, Asos, New Look etc. Prada sunglasses and Marc Jacobs bag which I got from Very and paid off over a year.

I used to be a size 16 with not much money and now I'm a size 12 with a bit more to spend on myself, and both make a big difference. Plus I work full time in a town centre so I get most of my treatments done in my lunch hour.

Clothes and beauty have become a bit of a hobby for me and I enjoy them but I would totally understand anyone who couldn't be bothered.

I think the time and effort thing is a myth to make other women feel like they must be really vain and have too much time on their hands. It's quite misogynistic really!
Half of it is being stuck in a rut and the other half is being interested in skincare/care/style and knowing what you need, the routine itself takes little time and little money if you spend it wisely. There is plenty of good advice on these boards, whether you take it or not is down to you and whether you feel it's worth it or not.

Its genetic. ^ agree with M3lon

You could throw plenty of time and money on my appearance and I’d still look rather shit
These topics slightly get me down as most people think it’s just eating well, sleeping, and making an effort, oh and being thin

I tick all of the above, and spend ages on my appearance but I have a hormonal condition which causes bad acne, chronic eczema, seb dermatitis, naturally coarse frizzy hair so I will never look polished or anywhere as good as some of my friends who eat whatever they want and roll out of bed with flawless skin, and have low maintenance hair

Sigh I hate that most people will probably look at me and think I’m lazy/dirty

I recommend as others:

Nails - I get mine gel polished in either a nude or a classic red. Short - no nail art!

Hair - regular trims and colours - use a Babyliss big hair in between for an amazing blow dry look.

Eyebrows - regular threaded with plucking in between.

Colour - I have a light fake tan on all the time. Def no orange looks though

Flash balm - I love the Elemis one, but any highlighter primer will do you wonders under foundation.

Nice shoes, bag and coat. Subtle Jewellry - diamond studs, classic watch etc.

I'm not sure if it's genetic more so than habit that's learned. My mum always looks polished but like me doesn't spend a huge amount of time on herself but what she does do makes a difference and I learned from her.

Definitely absolute rot that it comes at the expense of academic achievements. I'm educated to post graduate level and have a good career.

Also not sure sleep is always a factor as I don't get much - my youngest is an awful sleeper and I regularly am running 3 hours broken sleep (like today) but don't look like it.
I don't smoke though, I drink loads of water and I don't eat lots of junk which I think helps from a skin perspective.

I'm very lucky with my hair,I'll wash it late evening and stick it up in a messy bun(so I don't smother my poor DH with my mane or myself whilst were sleeping)and I'll go to bed like that,I wake up in the morning and take it out of the bun and it's done.

My hairs naturally wavy and having it in the messy bun when I go to sleep means I wake up with lovely natural curls the nex morning all I really have to do is brush my fringe,I never dry my hair with a hairdryer(that's only done at the hairdressers once every 4-6 weeks when I get my hair cut)or brush it with a hairbrush(I run my fingers through it)my make-up only takes me 10 minutes to do thanks to my lovely Mum teaching me when I was younger,she always looked amazing.

My eyebrows I get waxed every 4-6 weeks,it only takes them 5-10 minutes costs me £5 and they do a brilliant job.

My nails struggle to be healthy(I'm disabled and very ill now and on lots of medication that doesn't help and I'm an avid gardener)I get
gel nails done when I want to and in between they're short but neat and I have clear nail varnish on them.

When it comes to clothes all of my knickers and bras match(that for me was a real treat after years of an abusive relationship and crap luck and not being allowed to buy new clothes or underwear)and I have nice socks for when I wear them and nice tights for when I wear those and my wardrobe is sorted into regular day wear,a bit more fancy day wear,evening wear,occasion wear,coats and then I have tons of different bags,scarves,shoes and boots,jewellery and gloves.

But it hasn't cost me a fortune to do,if I really like an item and it really suits me I don't throw it away I'll bag it up(into one of those vaccum bags)and stick it in the attic because there's every chance that it will go back into my wardrobe 2 or 3 years later.

Tons of my bags and clothes now are from Charity shops because I've found I could spend the same amount I might spend in Primark but I get more clothes and they're generally designer labels,so it's a triple win to me,the charity gets more money,I get more clothes and bags for my money,I get nicer cut clothes and better made bags for my money.

Lots of my jewellery,scarves,bags and gloves are presents that have been bought for me.

I was almost bald when I was born OP and my hair was white blonde so what I did have you couldn't really see,my Mum used castor oil on my hair and my God did it work,my hair is half way down my back and very thick and very healthy and now a natural auburn.

Growth wise castor oil is really good and so so cheap as well,I did the same on my DD's hair when she was younger because her hair was so fine it couldn't even hold a normal hair band in it,now she has lovely thick healthy hair and I used the castor oil for all of about 6 months of my DD's hair.

Can help with make up: my make up is down to a 5-min fine art.

1. Get your brows threaded. Takes 5 mins in Superdrug. Costs £7. So no excuses.
2. Tinted moisturiser, one shade darker than your natural tone if you are lily white, otherwise, same as skin tone.
3. Neutral eyeshadow, matte or very light sheen. Not glittery. Slightly darker than skin tone across the upper lid, slick of skin tone close to the lashes on the lower lid, skin tone above the upper lid and one shade lighter towards the browline.
4. Go for a berryish lipstick with a sheen but no glitter.
5. Use it as blusher too, so there's no conflicting reds. If the colour works for your lip tone then it will also work for your skin tone. Go easy on it.

I'm not so good with the other stuff, but at my best I'd say stick to plain not patterned clothes in basic colours that suit your colouring and eyes: charcoal, navy, olive green, white, cream, nude etc.
Stick to natural fabrics: cotton, linen, silk, wool.

Have a good coat and boots. They hide so much.

I'm not so good on hair and nails, though I have found that a cold final rinse on hair and wrapping it in one of those synthetic towelling turbans instead of a cotton towel really help bring out the shine.

OP I hear you on the eyebrows. A pp says it doesn't take much time - no it doesn't, but it makes me feel as if I have spent a huge proportion of my life taming my crazy eyebrows.

my hair also grows at an insane rate - though my mother always says not to complain about this - but I have learned to cut my own hair. It's curly so it's not like anyone's going to notice if it's not cut perfectly in line!

@IamPickleRick

Amen sister. Since I started sliding arse-first into peri menopause, the slightest physical activity (like walking up one flight of stairs) will have me sweating the same as if I'd just done 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer.

For this reason I don't bother putting on makeup until I'm done with physical shit and I'm ready to see clients.

In my previous life as a business analyst, I would take 15 mins or so to put makeup on, get dressed and brush my hair. Because I'd be going into meetings with colleagues and needed to look professional.

These days it takes me about 90 seconds to put on my makeup.

I have never used moisturiser or foundation on a regular basis and I think that has helped me. I apparently look about 10 years younger than I am. (I'm mid 40s and about once a year I get asked for ID to buy booze, and when I say I have a son in his 20s I get "no way!" so I don't think it's just idle flattery.)

My skin is very oily (hence no moisturiser) but since I started suffering from hot flushes I've found Dior's "Airflash" foundation is very useful for covering it up. According to the product you're supposed to just spray it directly onto your face, but I've found for me the best way is to spray it onto a big brush and then apply it via that.

Airflash is the first foundation I've found that hasn't made me want to claw my own face off because it feels so clogged up.

grape . Its so fucking annoying that women are still essentially value judged on the neatness of their features and the obviousness of their cheekbones.

The being thin thing is baloney. A woman who works in my office is very large and looks absolutely fabulous. Gorgeous clothes and great style. The problem is that often larger people tend to dress to try and hide themselves or maybe lack confidence to dress more snappily, being under the incorrect impression that you can't look polished if you're not thin. And it's self fulfilling as no one is going to look "polished" when you're dressing to be invisible. This goes for men and women.

The being thin thing is baloney

I agree with this. The most well polished woman I ever saw when I was growing up was a size 26 and she always looked immaculate and very polished.

I'm a size 22, and tbh being thinner would help with looking polished. But that's why I put an effort in - I don't want to look scruffy or frumpy just because I'm fat. I want to look polished and professional

@MonkeyGoneToHeaven

All I can say is Wow! I had a quick add up of your spend as I was curious! And it comes out at £70 a week! Not being negative towards you at all. You can afford it and like to do it so why not! But definitely I know I wouldn't spend that much. I think there is an element of that in that I am one of those who just doesn't want to spend the time and money on it when it comes down to it. So I can hardly go round complaining that I look like crap! Truthfully I probably would look a lot better if I spent that sort of money but I'm too tight

l think it depends. l worked for one of the emergency services where personnel wore uniforms. Some people looked immaculate, and some looked like unmade beds. Some people are just elegant. Unfortunately l'm not one of them. lt takes a lot of effort.

I think people who always look polished don’t sweat a lot so their make up lasts longer, hair stays neater and their clothes don’t look wilted
I have just had an Oprah style lightbulb moment

I balayage my hair every three months, and do my roots every four weeks. I get my hair cut maybe once every 4-5 months.

I get a hydra facial every four weeks.

I use castor oil on my eyebrows and lashes to make them grow, and it really works.

I use Tata Harper skincare products and Retin-A.

I have fillers under my eyes and Botox on my crow’s feet.

Because I take such good care of my skin, I don’t wear any make up, except lipstick when going out for dinner.

I take inositol to prevent acne, and ferritin for strong hair.

I work out five days a week, and rarely eat junk food.

To be honest, it costs money and time. But I will say that a healthy diet smd working out a lot goes a long way to making you look healthy and polished.

@Asta19 I just wanted to counter some of the assertions I see that drinking water, having good skin and eight hours of sleep can make you look polished - obviously those things help, but I never looked polished until I started spending money, so I wanted to be honest about my particular spending.

I also slightly resented the amount of time and money DH spends on himself - personal trainer, various supplements, exercise equipment, clothing for sports, physio visits, expensive bike - which are never questioned, and I didn't see why I couldn't spend that sort of money on myself. In my experience people are quick to say that women are wasting money on their appearance whereas men's hobbies are sacrosanct - look at the cost of season tickets for football (yes I know women buy these too but it's very often something that the man 'needs'). DH would say that exercise helps his mental health but my mental health is immeasurably improved by believing I look presentable and nice.

If I did a bit more exercise I'd look much better but I can't be bothered. We're all different.

I don’t do socks, ever. I can’t imagine having socks on and looking polished and elegant. If I wear tights they are high-end ones.

What does really help is spending 10 or 15 mins on yourself every day. So eyebrow tidying, nails, hair conditioning ie something everyday. It makes a huge difference overall.