To be mildly agitated by people who tell you what you should buy, what to see at the cinema and where to go on holiday....

[another20]

....they don’t say, I have bought, seen, done this and loved it ..... but instead say I use this face cream it’s great, you should use it, I know you use x but this is better.....

Or......went to see this film, you must see it but don’t go to your local cinema - go to this one it’s much better.

I find it a bit critical and intrusive and don’t know how to respond - not sure why I feel agitated!

I have a friend who often says 'read this, you'll absolutely love it' and then when I do, or rather try to, I quite often hate it. I feel terrible telling her (when she asks), but I always try to acknowledge that I can see how she loved it, but it's not my cup of tea.

The best one was 'read this, you'll love it, especially at the end. Oh I cried buckets - you'll need a box of tissues'. I then read the whole book expecting a key character to die unexpectedly. I didn't cry but I was fuming she'd spoiled the ending!

My BIL does this. He cannot conceive that people might like different things.

But if it's something you know they will 'love'. One friend is really into Netflix crime/scadi noir types series. I will say you must watch XYZ and she does to me. Not likely to say it to my DM who only watches soaps etc.

I must admit I think I'm guilty of phrasing things this way.

From my pov I know it can take some doing to get something across to me. And when I discover something I like to pass it on. But I can see how you've explained this op it's sounds ... patronising

God yes, it is annoying. I have a dear friend (adore her unreservedly) who is a bugger for it...I do just say ‘thanks for the tip, now stop wanging in about it’ which she takes in good humour. Worst was when I needed a car, she was adamant I needed one exactly like hers and went as far as making me a test drive appointment without asking! I did tell her to shove off then, I knew what I wanted and why and it is just annoying to explain that over and over again!

Yep. My ex husband. Totally convinced his taste in books, music, cinema, food etc trumped everyone else's.
Everything was a little lecture.
Urgh.

I might be alone but it sounds like she is just trying to introduce you to something that she enjoyed. Maybe the phrasing's a bit OTT but it's upto you whether you take her recommendations or not.

I'm not saying you're being unreasonable, just that it's a bit of a non-issue.

I have a friend who constantly tells me that whatever I've got, he's got better and it came from Aldi so only cost him 20p.
It's so annoying!

I have a friend who constantly tells me that whatever I've got, he's got better Now THIS is annoying. It's in the same bracket as people who have to 'one up' every story/anecdote you tell even though you know that they're spouting utter bollocks.

FIl does this with books - I have very different tastes but he won't leave it either. Usually read on the kindle now when ever he's around and avoid answering what I am reading.

One-offs or occasionally, I don't mind, I do have someone I know who feels the need to push us to see things he'd enjoyed. He'll go on and on about how we should or really need to do so, how it's really really good.

He also seems to think "Oh, I enjoyed it" or similar is the end of the argument when people are either entirely uninterested in seeing it or even when they have seen it and don't like it. It got the point a mutual friend told him that at this rate, we could put in a [series he was then into] jar and make him put coins in whenever he brings it up. He'll stop for a few weeks and then goes back to it.

Dm does this ALL THE TIME! She will give me a book and say I'll love it. I never do. She'll say she's got me a present and I will laugh madly at it. I don't, it's sitting in the packaging still, I don't know what to do with it.

I've learnt, finally, to tell her that our tastes are different or to just accept the gift with the sentiment offered, although if she tries to force me to do something, eg spend a fortnight of my precious time with the extended family in Benidorm (ooh, you'd love it! Holy hell, no, no, I REALLY wouldn't) then the foot goes down.

I just nod, smile and wave at people like this. If they're very insistent, rebutt all suggestions with a gentle 'No, I don't like that/want to try this/am happy with this one, thanks'.

That's my mother. On any given subject.

She's literally a doctor/consultant/nurse

Film critic/cinema critic

Plumber/Electrician and any other tradesman

A politician/banker/IFA/mortgage and insurance advisor

Relationship counsellor

And must have shares in Morrisons on the sly

Things she can't do- predict lottery numbers or REMEMBER THAT IN MY WHOLE FORTY NINE YEARS OF BEING ON THIS PLANET, I HAVE NEVER, EVER LIKED FUCKING TRIFLE SO STOP OFFERING IT EVERY. SINGLE. TIME

Yeah my BIL too. Can’t belive I can’t stand coffee because he likes it so much.
Booked us to go on a trip to somewhere he loves even though we said we didn’t want to go. We hated it. Even 10 years later he asks when we are going because it’s so brilliant....eeerrr no!

My Grandad was like this, and it became a family joke. "I know what X wants. X wants a pickled egg"

Except that X never wanted a pickled egg.

Also - those people who say "Oh, you should have asked ME before you did A, B or C"
Yanbu OP.

Yes patronising I think nails some of it. Also felt quite intrusive and judged especially around the face cream - like she was scanning my skin disapprovingly. Another one was the insistence that I look at this specific wrap dress online and going on and on about it sas it would suit my “shape” - I NEVER wear dresses!

I have a friend who constantly tells me that whatever I've got, he's got better

As the Stereophonics so eloquently put it:

If I had myself a flying giraffe
You'd have one in a box with a window

I heard the expression “Elevenerife” on here - which means that if you have been to “Ten-erife”- they have gone one better.

But I don’t think these two are competing with me just sort of being a bit controlling or intrusive?

Oof, yes.

I have no problems with 'I liked this', but why oh why are some people so bloody insistent that their choices/preferences are the same?

Worst was when I got married. Didn't take my husband's name. People asked whether I had at work - fine (especially since they know me well, and weren't expecting me to have!).

Except for HR woman -
'"So what's your name now?"
"Same as before, I'm not changing." (pleasant smile)
~~short pause~~
"You could double barrel."
"Yes we could. But we're not."
~~another short pause~~
"Oh well, you know your own mind."
Nice colleague, laughing at my incredulous face - "Yeah, I think she does!"

Yes I have this friend, and I love her, but this side of her drives me mad. I am trying to think of a way of telling her that it comes off as critical and patronising, without upsetting her. As despite this, she is lovely.

I remind myself she has been through some hard times that she didn't cope with on any level, and this 'behaviour', the unasked for advice giving and 'recommendations' is her trying to feel good, relevant and heard. As she was so crushed before.

I try anyway.

I know someone like this, who also thinks his advice is the best ever, even on topics he isn't knowledgeable on. He will try to tell me what to buy when it comes to cars because he knows more than me. I've been driving for over 10 years, owned 4 cars and have dealt with pretty much every issue they can have. He has been driving for mere months, is quite bad at it, and has next to no knowledge on cars. Yet knows better. Right.. I'll stick to my own knowledge thanks.

He's like this on everything, can't actually ask a question out loud to even a specific person without him interrupting and giving his god like opinion. Feel like sarcastically bowing to him at times going 'we are not worthy!'

Yes I wish my mum would stop telling me I should go on a 'city break' - "you'd really like that". No I wouldn't. Totally not me. But my mother never listens to me...

Oh crikey, yes this is my sister.

But she is also one of those Eleven-erife types too. So if anyone, for example, ever posts on FB that they’re at the cinema watching xx film she HAS to put something like: “Hubby and I saw this last year at IMAX in Manchester, you really can’t beat that for a proper cinema experience smiley face.”

Same with books, Netflix, any latest gadgets etc.

Makes me laugh now.

Jesus BFF is like a dog with a bone.....text back to say thanks for he tip about the dress - but won’t follow up as I never wear dresses.......instant text comes back.....no, no you should it is x, y, z - I did the rinse and repeat - so again I text back to say - I never wear dresses - to then get another instant text back saying - yes you do - I have seen you wearing a dress......so my first foray into pushing back hasn’t worked !!! Just becomes even more tedious and irritating. No boundaries - doesn’t listen to me! It’s my body - I don’t wear fucking dresses !

SIL and her husband just love going on cruises. They go on several a year, and in their view cruises are the very best thing ever invented in the whole history of things. They talk incessantly about their previous cruises, their favourite ships, their favourite cruise lines, their views on cruise dress codes, cruise itineraries, cruise tipping policies and their plans for the next cruise and the cruise after that.

It all gets a bit tedious.

I have never been on a cruise and have no plans to do so. I don’t like boats, I prefer to travel independently rather than with 3000 other people, I don’t want to be bussed around like school children on a day trip, I don’t want to be told what to wear or where to sit at dinner, I hate cheesy entertainment and I don’t want a rigidly scheduled holiday.

SIL cannot get her head around this concept at all. “You simply must try this ship, that line, this itinerary” and so on ad nauseam. She simply cannot grasp the idea that not everyone enjoys the same sort of holiday as her. It’s infuriating.