AIBU to start turning down events that disrupt our routine

[BogstandardBelle]

This week we are skiing, so away from home Saturday to Saturday. Due to events listed below, I've had to basically pack for this trip nearly two weeks ago!

Last week I had to go to London with a school group (we live in France), so had to spend ages planning food / childcare and pickups / packing for ski trip as well as being away from home for 4 nights. DH does his bit but he works very full-time so I pick up the majority of domestic stuff as I'm part-time.

The week before that DH was away with another school trip (he's a teacher) for 4 nights. So I had to spend that week doing all the pick-ups / drop-offs, activities, domestic stuff and preparing (at work and at home) for my upcoming absence (see above).

Next week is another week of school holidays: DS1 will be doing an afternoon-only activity which he really wants to do, but it's in a very inconvenient location and only lasts two hours, so we'll end up sitting in the car waiting for him to finish most days - or taking some long bus trips. DH wants to take DS2 skiing again, meaning very early start / late finish and requiring gear / lunch etc to be packed in advance.

3 weeks after we get back, my parents will arrive to stay for a week. This means DH and I will be sleeping on camp beds as we don't have a spare room - while also continuing to work, cook for and tidy round 6 people. Plus they are on holiday, so they'll stay up later, have a drink or two etc.

3 weeks after that, we'll be on school holidays again. We will be going to stay with my parents - this time we get to sleep in a proper bed, but it's a 5 hours drive each way and I usually end up cooking for us all, so it's not much of a holiday, and again we are away from home.

All this whinging is leading to my AIBU: I'm finding it so hard to establish any kind of routine because it's constantly being disrupted for "fun" events. Everything I read about habit formation - sleeping well, eating healthily, being productive etc - depends on what one does every day, day in and day out. Yet with all these "fun events" coming along to disrupt the routine, nothing seems to stick and I'm constantly having to relaunch healthy eating plans and exercise plans as they get knocked off all the time and put on hold until things "settle down" - but they never do! It's harder to meal plan (so we eat less healthily and spend more on food), I don't sleep well due to stress and uncomfortable visitor beds, I don't exercise - because what's the point when it's all going to go tits up in a week?

So AIBU to stop agreeing to so many events? And to focus on keeping to a more strict family routine? Anyone got any tips for establishing and maintaining healthy habits when things change every other week?

Do you enjoy doing this stuff OP? Skiing, ds doing holiday activities, parents visiting, visiting parents? Remember your mental health is as important as physical (You mentioned despair at lapses in healthy eating and exercise due to changes to your routine).

We have some mad weeks when we're all over the place and all of our routines go out of the window, but it's doing stuff we enjoy.

If you're not enjoying traipsing after ds during holiday activities change it. If you don't want to have parents staying for 2 weeks put them off, likewise visiting yours.

I think you need to reframe all of this in your head - the work stuff sounds a pain but only as it's come at an especially busy time for you both. It pays the bills. Can either of you opt out of these trips if they clash again in the future? The other stuff - bad planning but manageable if you enjoy it, otherwise cut back if you don't benefit from it.

Stuff the campbed thing, must be somewhere proper for them to stay nearby?

I think the problem is that everyone else seems to benefit from it - but I'm really not enjoying them all. So for the work trips... they wouldn't happen without volunteers from the staff, it's very much for the students benefit etc. but the reality for me is a lot of mental energy on planning, then absolute exhaustion after the trip is over. DH feels the same about his one - brilliant for the kids, knackering for him.

We live abroad and don't see grandparents very often, and when we do it tends to be for a week minimum or it's not worth it. I don't mind spending time with my parents and our boys love seeing their grandparents and vice versa, but for me the disruption probably outweighs any fun that we might have. Sending them without us isn't an option, my parents wouldn't do it.

So you are right in that I'd have to prioritise my own need / wants over those of everyone else - I don't find that easy.

for food cook in batch and freeze. Exercise plan? It is yours? then surely you can do exercise whenever. Your life seems so regimented. It's nice to not plan everything.

I totally understand your frustration. Having a lot of plates spinning is exhausting and I think the reality is that everyone draws their line in the sand somewhere (even if it sometimes seems as though everyone else is having it all) - you just have to find where that is. Pick your battles but try to make everyone in your family see that life is a compromise - at the moment it sort of sounds as though you’re the only one compromising. Is there any possibility that your parents could stay in a local B&B? Could you agree to go out for dinner one night and have a nice ready meal or similar for another? (A slow cooker is really helpful in these kind of situations.). FWIW, I realised before Christmas that I need to start saying no to things more often - I don’t have the mental capacity or physical energy (or time and money!) to commit to so many things.

Is everyone else happy?

It sounds like a lot is for the benefit of the children but you end up working like a donkey to facilitate it.

GPS staying over - can’t you eat out more, get a take away, can they stay near by so you’re not on a camp bed?

Your child with the afternoon activity - can you share lifts with other parents?

Skiing - can’t DH prepare the child stuff since he’s the one taking him?

YANBU to feel drained at the prospect. I don't have kids yet, but the whole of March and April are booked up with events up and down the country all weekend, and it looks exhausting looking at the calendar!

This is why I like looking at my calendar annually - circling all the dates we're busy, and trying to plan around having two weekends a month where we don't travel, and one weekend a month without plans at all so we can either be spontaneous or just flop and do nothing in particular.