Another mil thread!

[Rattleandhum]

backstory: mil doesn’t like me, never has but is extremely sly about it. Dh and I are on brink of divorce (he is ea and she is enjoying winding things up where she can).

She has a favourite set of gcs (not ours) and our two girls are all but ignored. She announced the other day that she has booked the theatre for her and dd1 in the school hols (she didn’t ask first, made up a lie about it being full so ‘had to book it’ and hasn’t even considered dd2).

Had she bothered to ask first she would have been told that it’s a show we are already going to, with dd1 & dd2.

I’ve told her and she has got the absolute hump over it. Ive suggested she take dd2 still but we are taking both girls earlier that week already and had she checked first or dare I say asked then she would have known!

My husband will be at work as it’s the holidays and now I’ve once again asked her to check first in future, my husband is saying I’m being awful and unfair to still be going earlier that week! - with my own children, to a show that I booked months ago when it was first released!

Aibu or not?

*take dd1 to not dd2.

Mil barely acknowledges we have a second child so it was no surprise that dd2 wasn’t included.

Yanbu!

YANBU
I can see why you're on the brink of divorce. What a pair.

Yanbu! What on earth is he on about suggesting you should cancel!

Thank you!

Why on earth does she not acknowledge your second child together. How odd. Go.to the show you booked, shes obviously done it to be an arse

Just tell her no, she can't take your child. Stand up for yourself. She sounds like she has sod all respect for you, so you need to be very tough on her.

There are so many things she has subjected me to over the years so please trust me when I say she has no reason to dislike me but I would have every reason to despise her (and I’m pretty much there).

Husband and I didn’t celebrate valentine’s as things so bad...She then called him (not knowing what plans we had/didn’t have) and asked him (just him!) out for a meal.

We are meant to be going with her and the girls for lunch somewhere this weekend but she is deliberately ignoring me whilst making plans to go out with my husband instead. I’ve told husband and he will discuss it when they go out for dinner 🙄

I feel as welcome as a fart in a lift. He has allowed this meddling, interfering woman to hurt me repeatedly over the years (and him too) and thisnlack of respect for me has killed our marriage.

I know this is a dh problem as much as a mil one.

It should be me as him as a unit but it’s him being played like a string puppet by her and me being treated like a mug.

I have to book our entire years events (including Christmas and new year) a year ahead to try to minimise her jumping in and trying to sabotage, belittle and take over jump in on anything I want to do as a family with my own husband and children. If she hasn’t organised it but is still included (yes, I’ve included her!) she is passive aggressive and tries to spoil it by winding my dh up to cause a row or by trouble making during the event.

My husband’s father just does what she wants and always goes along with her railroading and taking over and meddling ways. He is a nice man - like the man married to hyacinth bucket on tv!

So you're probably the first person in her life to show her a bit of backbone!

my husband is saying I’m being awful and unfair to still be going earlier that week! - with my own children, to a show that I booked months ago when it was first released! It's no wonder you're about done. How the bloody hell can you be made to be the unreasonable on in this situation? The only acceptable response from him would be to take his mother to task for leaving DD2 out, immediately followed by telling her she needs to check these things with you before booking them.

She sounds awful.

Imagine what life is going to be like after divorce: bliss!

Without sounding mean here, if your already on the brink of divorce then why keep playing nice to her?

Things like lunches etc now stop due to her behaviour. If she mentions the show again just say ‘ I told you me and my kids are already going’.

I would stop trying to play happy families and make it clear to her your a doormat no more.

Stupidly I still hold some hope for my marriage. I’ve tried to distance myself from her as much as I can (self protection) as she just stirs trouble all the time. So two faced and fake. I’ve alreadt said she can take her (I’m still taking both girls myself separately), but she is making a point now if not confirming either way

You have tried to be nice to her and it has got you nowhere. Take the gloves off, ignore all of her messages, tell her the girls are always busy. Dd2 will notice the favouritism and it will hurt her, do not let your MIL hurt your daughter. If your husband cannot prioritise you and his daughters then there probably is no hope for your marriage.

We are meant to be going with her and the girls for lunch somewhere this weekend but she is deliberately ignoring me whilst making plans to go out with my husband instead

Why are you even thinking about going for lunch with a woman you say dislikes you and has no time for your dc? I think I'd be happier letting DH go and spend time with his mother (She sounds a right fruit loop!) whilst I took the girls out for lunch without them having to put up with GM who favours one and denies the other.

I wouldn't be allowing her to take one DD to a show either. She either takes both or none.