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AIBU?

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Original poster

About this work birthday collection.....

55 replies

maddiemookins16mum · 18/02/2019 19:18

I work in an office of about 65 people.
There are various teams who sit together (6 teams in total) and there is me and another lady who are our own team but we work very closely with the other teams in a support role. Without us, their roles would be much harder but we are all on the same level, just different aspects of our business.
When it’s someones birthday, the team that the birthday person is on do a collection for them, decorate their desk and get some gifts. The average collection is £30/£40.
It’s the first birthday of my colleague (let’s call her L) on our ‘team of two’ since I’ve been there and she mentioned last week she was going out on this Saturday night just gone for her birthday (this was yesterday btw).
So last week I put the feelers out about ‘what is done’ re collections and nobody really seemed interested. For full disclosure, I tolerate my colleague and we’ll never be good friends but we work ok together.
Our Line Manager also mentioned it was L’s birthday and I said I’d got a card and had passed it to the teams for those who wanted to sign it.
The card made it’s way back with about 16 signatures. No money was forthcoming whatsoever from a single person.
So I had two choices, get L decent presents (like everyone else gets) or stick the card and a £2 bar of Galaxy on her desk.

I’ve ended up spending about £25 on presents, mentioned it to those who signed the card and was met with ‘oh lovely, she’ll like that’ etc etc.

I just feel a bit hard done by and really don’t want to have to repeat this next year.

I didn’t even spend £25 on my own DP’s birthday last year!

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 19/02/2019 07:05

Last company I worked at they no longer do collections at work, people complained as they felt there was too much pressure to give money they didn't have or contribute to someone they barely knew or didn't much like. If you are in a large team it can mount up over the course of an year.

When I started there I didn't have much money and felt under pressure so I just pretended to put some money in the envelope as my electricity bill was more important that a present or gifts for maternity leave. And no, I was never on the receiving end of any of these gifts.

Iloveacurry · 19/02/2019 07:08

You should of just done the card, and perhaps a small gift from yourself, not £25 worth.

Also I’d stop contributing to the other groups collection when it comes around. They’re obviously not bothered about you two ...

thedogattacksthetissuebox · 19/02/2019 07:08

I wouldn't have done it. I'd have given her a card and maybe some chocolates from me but that's it. I probably would have said something too, and I wouldn't contribute in future to other people's.

Original poster
maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2019 07:18

As much as we aren’t close, I get on far better with lots of others, I’d have never seen her go without a present and the whole desk decorated malarky too (but we have an office birthday draw of stuff and it’s an ongoing joke within the entire floor as too how long we can make a bunch of balloons last). I guess I just felt it would be a bit unfair for her (long time employee) to kind of not have the same fuss made as everyone else.

OP posts:
PalmTree101 · 19/02/2019 07:21

Time to stop with the annual gift giving.

And tell your boss you need to be reimbursed.

Margot33 · 19/02/2019 07:24

Most places I've worked at, the birthday person brings in cakes. I wouldn't have spent £25 of my own money on a workmates birthday gift. A box of chocolates would have been nice. But you did a very nice thing, I do think that you should have said that the gift was just from you though. Cannot believe noone chipped in?!

DerelictWreck · 19/02/2019 07:26

Did you actually ask the other team you support to add to a collection? Seems like you sent a card and hoped they would send it back with cash?

Bananasarenottheonlyfruit · 19/02/2019 07:28

What has been done for her birthday in previous years?
You do know that when your birthday comes around, no one is going to reciprocate? And then you will feel mightily pissed off!

It sounds like you tried to change a dynamic here. They collect and do gifts within each team and you tried to do it for someone outside their teams. I get that you support them, great, but you have your own team to do gifts within. They will just be smaller for a smaller team.

Hollanda · 19/02/2019 07:30

We do collections for:

New babies
Milestone birthdays
Leavers

I don't mind any of these things. Happy to give when I can. :) Normal birthdays get card only and birthday person brings cakes in. Works for us.

Janethevirgo · 19/02/2019 07:30

You put the feelers out and no one seemed interested. I’m not sure why you are now surprised.
I’d have just done a private gift from myself

Original poster
maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2019 07:32

The way it’s done is the card goes round in an A4 envelope with writing on the front ‘it’s L’s birthday on Sunday, any contributions welcome etc, please return to Maddiemoo in ourteamoftwo by Thursday 14 Feb’. When the other teams envelopes have come round, I’ve stuck a £2 coin in, it’s usually already got money in etc. L’s envelope came back empty.

OP posts:
Cuttingthegrass · 19/02/2019 07:36

I think you need to have a word with manager and point out how unequal it is for your team of two and that you paid £25 yourself as didn’t want her to feel left out. The current system is bias and needs to change.

CalmdownJanet · 19/02/2019 07:37

So you contribute to everyone else's gift in the team? If that's the case I would have said outright that you wanted the same money everyone else puts in, why wait for them to offer it up? You should have been more direct. They wouldn't get a penny next collection that's for sure.

I think you should have decorated the desk and bought the large bar and a cupcake with a candle, just signed a card from yourself and "Happy birthday Linda" then jokingly "sorry a team of two means smaller pressies" or similar

Margot33 · 19/02/2019 07:40

See what happens when it's your birthday. If you get nothing then you know noone donated. If you get a bar of chocolate then its probably just from your collegue. When this happens you stop chipping in money to other teams collections.

Solina · 19/02/2019 07:45

Did you put any money in to start the collection? I would have put in few pounds in to get others to add in. Might have worked.

I dont like collections though. We have similar set up, big team with smaller teams in it. The collections are never ending for babies and leaving gifts and big birthdays across all the teams. I usually dont carry money with me so dont add in any unless its someone I really like. Never have collection for normal birthdays though but I have bought gifts for my colleagues that I consider to be my friends and they for me but its not an collection.

DerelictWreck · 19/02/2019 07:45

@maddiemookins16mum

Do the other team know that you've both been contributing to theirs? Or perhaps your colleague hasn't been, and so they've decided to give nothing.

OffToBedhampton · 19/02/2019 07:56

Send an email round "hi guys, L's birthday card has come back with no money in. I know people normally contribute just to their teams and sign others cards. But we are different as a small support team of 2 to all your team's so we have been contributing to all your collections. "

Then send card round again.

Voila. Either way only use money collected for L's birthday present. Return your gift if need be or you will resent it when you get a cupcake yourself.

You're in it together as a team of 2, it's not for you to subsidize 60 other thoughtless colleagues who could see 16 names and feel envelope was empty. Maybe you'll bond over it.

OffToBedhampton · 19/02/2019 07:59

And if anyone asks about what you said you'd bought, just be honest.
"Well I had to buy it out of my money as no one out of 65 people in this office even contributed 10p. And I realised I couldn't afford it.
... as well as spend £60 a year contributing to all your collections. So I took it back."

Pinkyyy · 19/02/2019 08:05

I completely agree with @OffToBedhampton 's suggestion

JingsMahBucket · 19/02/2019 08:05

YANBU. That was rather mean and stingy of your colleagues. What has happened on your birthday before? If it’s been a similar treatment, I would feel underappreciated. Definitely ask your manager to contribute maybe £15 from the office kitty, if one exists, to balance out your spend.

Janethevirgo · 19/02/2019 08:05

Please do not speak to your manager about this.
The workplace collection is optional, no one needs to put in. The op put the feelers out and no one seemed interested . Just stop putting in for other people’s and if asked why be honest

greendale17 · 19/02/2019 08:07

I personally buy the whole office an Easter egg, but that is one of my quirks smile, and is £30 once a year.

^Love that Smile

Janethevirgo · 19/02/2019 08:07

I’m not saying it’s not unfair but you choose to spend £25 on a gift for something you tolerate and you didn’t have to.

Charley50 · 19/02/2019 08:08

Blimey! You could have got her a £5 bunch of tulips from Tesco and she would have been chuffed. Can't understand why you spent £25 tbh.

downcasteyes · 19/02/2019 08:15

Oh, aren't you lovely! I understand completely that you feel hard done by here (I think most of us would), but the fact that you did this not to upset your colleague comes from a really kind and sweet place.

I would send the email to colleagues that OfftoBed mentions above. If nothing is forthcoming, when your birthday comes around, set a precedent by mentioning the collection issue and saying that it's fine just to get you a very small gift. At least that way you aren't locked in next year!

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