Scared to have another baby.

[masterchief9]

My son is only 4 months old, but I always knew I wanted a big family. I would love another two children, and would possibly have another on top of that if we had a house big enough.

I am from a large family and it was a joy growing up around my siblings.

This was always the plan, until childbirth happened.

Traumatic pregnancy, traumatic birth, nobody believed I was in labour, son was born 2 hours after induction and didn't even make it to the labour ward. He needed to be resuscitated, I passed out and because nobody believed me I was told I wasn't in labour and refused all pain relief. It wasn't until I had my first VE that they realised I was actually 10cm dilates (20 seconds before this they told me I would unlikely be even 1cm).

Son was poorly for a few days and I was admitted at 3wpp after a serious infection.

I am now absolutely terrified of having another baby. I always thought as a ftm you were more likely to be scared and anxious, but I don't feel like I have had a normal experience and am so, so scared.

Has anyone gone on to have another after an awful first experience? Most say "oh it's okay your first is usually longer than your second labour" which is my worst nightmare...

My honest opinion would be to get in touch with your gp and ask if you can speak to a specialist midwife regarding your birth and how it had affected you. My maternity hospital has a team that deals with traumatic births. I would also put a complaint in with the goverance team who will be able to look at your case, from the information you provide and the written records which should have been completed accurately.
If you do decide at a future date you would feel comfortable in having another baby discuss either care and delivery at another hospital. Due to the ability to choose where you have your care now you can asked to be referred to any hospital trust for care.

Sorry I cant supply any personal experience but i know that there will be many people who can give you advice on that side.

YANBU, it can be so traumatic. Ask for a debrief and get some counselling.
I had a labour very similar to yours, (no resusitation needed but otherwise similar) but different in that I retrospectively see it as a positive experience. I still had flashbacks months later, I think it's very common even if you've had a fairly 'straightforward' birth.
There is help and support out there.

I always envisaged a big family too, didn't have the traumatic birth you did, but still didn't feel ready to have another until DD was at least 18 months- the early days were such a shock to the system. I can't give you my personal experience that second time round is better as it seems I can't have more kids, but anecdotally
am sure many here can tell you the second time was much easier. Good luck to you

I agree about having a debrief and also see if you can have some CBT to help you with pregnancy anxiety.

My first labour was awful and largely because I wasn’t believed and had no control. My baby needed to be resuscitated in my second labour and my third baby died just afterwards but I’m pregnant again and having another baby. I’m terrified and alternating with anxiety and hope. I will say that after your first baby, you tend to get believed and taken more seriously in my experience which obviously is not how it should be.

Go for counselling. Poor you YANBU. dont let your experience stop you achieving what you want though - more babies. Get help. Good luck. You might decide you want a controlled elective Caesarian. Mine was great. Recovery is difficult but im as fit as a fiddle now - dts are nearly 1 and it is all a distant (lovely) memory.

I had a traumatic experience after the EMCS of my DD and my subsequent spesis. Ask your GP for a referral to the perinatal mental health team as part of this a birth reflections sessions with probably be helpful not perhaps not if it’s just in isolation.

I was showing symptoms of PTSD after having DD and before counselling. I’m now pregnant with no2 and while I’m a bit anxious I’m not terrified.

Does your local maternity unit have a ‘Birth Afterthoughts’ service or similar where you can go and talk through your experience?

FWIW I don’t think there is such a thing as a “normal experience” in childbirth and a lot of people have traumatic experiences in one way or another first time around. I had a forceps delivery followed by a large postpartum haemorrhage and my son went to SCBU with suspected sepsis. We both recovered well but I had episodes of feeling quite shaky and tearful afterwards whenever something reminded me of it e.g. driving past the maternity unit and seeing the window of the room I was in. It passed with time and talking things through definitely helped.

Sorry to hear that about your first childbirth experience. It is so unfair that maternity ward s offer such different treatment to women across the country.

A friebds of mine had a rant scary first labour. Her mum welled up when we talked about it because she & baby were very poorly because of it. She's now got DC2 at home abd said second pregnancy and labour were nothing like the first.

Xxx

I agree ask to speak to a midwife about a debrief about what happened and what they could do differently to make sure it didn't happen again

I had a horrendous first delivery and had PTSD for years. I never thought I could have another. But I did and the second time was much better. I had to have a C section because my placenta was being a nuisance but having had both types of birth I would choose a CS again in a heartbeat. Relaxed and for me a very quick recovery. Most people don’t recover as quick as I did but even without that the whole experience was so much nicer.