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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you earn a huge salary then long hours are expected?

172 replies

dignifiedlazyness · 18/02/2019 17:26

I have a cousin who work 60-70 hours minimum a week. Yes this is a heck of a lot, and I’d hate that. But, he is on £400k a year. All he does is complain how many hours he’s putting in, but seems to forget that with fewer hours there would be no business class 5* weekend breaks to New York etc.
I feel like telling him to shut up, or make do with less!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/02/2019 21:39

But it’s not actually that much though.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

He wants to try working those hours as a Teacher or a Child minder or possible a nurse or an emergency services dispatcher or a paramedic or a nurse, for less than 1/10th of that salary Hmm

Flatwhite32 · 18/02/2019 21:49

@Sammy867 that sounds like a dream! What job is that?

Flatwhite32 · 18/02/2019 21:51

@BackforGood spot on! I'm a teacher, and many of us work similar hours for less than or just over £30k!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 18/02/2019 21:59

@ghanagirl as explained above my brain did a bit of a fart as was all like ‘but he proabably can only afford a flat on that salary, maybe a pokey house’. Very very tired today so only partially functional! In light of the recollection that that is totally normal here £400k before tax seems totally fine.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 18/02/2019 22:01

@missispilissy is right. Something very wrong with the British. Not even the idea that you have to be permenantly at work to prove that you love your job but that you are actually expected to like working in the first place. I still can’t get over that.

Shookethtothecore · 18/02/2019 22:02

My husband is director of a niche type of law company. It’s a global company and his office is in central London. With bonus and perks it isn’t £400k. Sooooo I’m not believing that.
But,
That aside, he’s currently sat on the laptop next to me still working. He puts a hell of a lot of hours in, but we live a very privalidged life that allows me to now be a sahp to our children. In contrast, I used to be a retail manager, I worked 60 hours easily (no lunches, came in on days off as permanently and deliberately short staffed) I worked Christmases, summers, bank holidays, late nights and early mornings.

I was still always skint.
No way on earth high earners can really complain. Most people work hard

Sammy867 · 18/02/2019 22:02

I’m an associate university lecturer to undergraduates. I’m term time only as obviously if the undergraduates aren’t there I don’t need to be as I’m not involved in research, just teaching.

ShadyLady53 · 18/02/2019 22:07

Sammy, I’ve got the exact same job and don’t even earn half that amount Confused. I have to take a second job in the holidays and also work on some of my days off from the university. #WhereHaveIGoneWrong?

Sammy867 · 18/02/2019 22:37

It’s probably because the university doesn’t pay my wage.

There’s two positions in our school; in the first hour wage is paid by the university and you are an associate to a contractor for access to the building/supplies/IT and services. You have access to the university pensions scheme etc.

The second is paid by the contractor and you are an associate with the university for access to university students/ computers/ teaching elements but you lose the university benefits.

Unfortunately it’s the same job but completely different pay structure and it just depends on where the funding comes from when the job is advertised.

I started in the private sector on 100k then took the university funded position 7 years ago. This was a massive hit as I was on 24k but I knew if I stayed long enough I could apply for the contractor positions as they became available and gradually swapped. I’m now an associate lecturer with the university (not a lecturer) as the university don’t pay me

CordeliaGoode · 18/02/2019 22:41

Yeah right...

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/02/2019 22:41

That's an average HGV working week, and I'd be lucky to see £30k unless I drove a petrol tanker.

ShadyLady53 · 18/02/2019 22:50

Oh, I see, thanks for explaining! I’m an Associate Lecturer too and paid double what the Lecturers are paid per hour but I don’t receive pay during holidays or Reading Weeks. I’m paid by the University and I’m in the pension scheme/have the employee benefits of working for the University.

I had no idea that there were Contractor positions available at some universities. Thanks for the insight!

My friend is now a Senior Lecturer and has advised me to stay as an Associate because she had to take a pay cut and, as you found, would have to work ridiculous hours and not have a work life balance if she wanted to move up further. My aim at the moment is to either work as an Associate Lecturer across two different departments or in two different Universities (hopefully one with less of a commute!).

That being said, Work/Life balance is more important to me than huge salaries too!

MitziK · 18/02/2019 23:36

He'd have a whole lot more to fucking complain about if he were doing it for minimum wage and some numpty on £80k was complaining about his lack of commitment to the company, which was going to come up in the forthcoming staff appraisal.

Ignore him. He'll either go part time or leave if it's really too much, as long as he's been sensible and used more money than I'd never have in my entire life in one year to pay off his home.

Better to retire early and do less than to keel over dead from exhaustion or take 'other' coping strategies to a fatal conclusion.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 19/02/2019 07:51

Shit! I used to work 60-70 hours a week for £50k, I’m such a mug!

Stopwoofing · 19/02/2019 17:41

60-70 hours in a good week though - he must be so tired he can hardly think straight. I agree with shady at some point the job owns you. If you care about your cousin, op, ask him what his exit plan is, I don’t think you can do those hours long term without burn out

Justforonequestion · 19/02/2019 17:42

£400k for an associate is on the high side, even at a top US firm, but let's assume he had a big bonus and then rounded it up when telling you.

My DH is a partner in a city firm, earns a similar amount and does similar hours (or more). It is extremely hard (on him but also somewhat on us as a family) and the stress is very high (I can think of numerous people who have had breakdowns among the lawyers we know and also one work-related suicide). On the other hand, plenty of people obviously do equally or more hard and stressful jobs for much less money.

My advice to your cousin would be to save as much as he can and retire early- the punishing hours only get harder as you get older. Or if he's not happy with the trade off, move to a smaller firm or in house.

As to whether YABU or not, hard to say. You can feel sorry for your cousin's obvious stress and exhaustion while also thinking that he should choose his own trade offs. Sounds like you generally find him quite annoying and that this is just part of it.

caringcarer · 19/02/2019 17:51

My son is a lorry driver and works very long hours 13-14 hours a day sometimes. He is not paid brilliantly either. You just do what you have to do to bring in enough money to live your life.

Notmyrealname855 · 19/02/2019 17:54

If he’s on the Cravath scale and say does finance, then yes I can believe he’s on 400k. It would be anxiety inducing and he’d never be allowed time off, always on call and for any amounts of huge work.

If he has a family it’d be easy to kid himself that he needs to maintain that sort of salary for their sake.

It takes a very very rare type to even vaguely “enjoy” that sort of life. And doesn’t come with the pride of having grown a company I guess.

Notmyrealname855 · 19/02/2019 17:54

(Assuming a large bonus)

Youngandfree · 19/02/2019 17:56

@user1483390742 I’m a teacher and I work under 30 hrs weeks NOT 70+!!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 19/02/2019 17:58

DH works hard and puts in a lot of hours. His salary is great, and that's lovely, but he works no harder than I do for a far, far smaller salary, so I'm reluctant to think it's totally about the amount of graft you put in; his type of business has people on day rates higher than the monthly salary I started on. They work no harder, they're just in a different business.

lanbro · 19/02/2019 17:58

I easily work at least 60/70 hours a week, own business, and I could only dream of 400k!

RomanyQueen1 · 19/02/2019 18:00

Doesn't your heart just bleed for him Grin
More fool him, you don't need that much money nor to work those hours.
Next time he says something remind him he could be doing those hours in another job and earn 1/8 of what he does now.

Tinkobell · 19/02/2019 18:00

My DH earns similar. I think the only realistic advice to give in this situation is that he chooses a life with lower outgoings and forsakes some money for more time. People little by little become shackled to a high wage - take on a huge mortgage etc. The only way 'out' if you truely desire it is to downsize, cut down spends big time. It is what we are planning right now. Of course, if you've grown very accustomed to a lavish lifestyle, I suppose that's painful. Personally, I've never stayed 5 star, been to New York (sniff). I love fish fingers and chips now as much as I did 25 years ago. His choice ultimately. If he's paying private school fees it's takes a few years to be free of those .....though kids could always do 6th form at a new state school.

artisticpiles · 19/02/2019 18:08

All he does is complain

Aww diddums.

(Note to OP: delivering a swift kick up the arse of a complaining rich person is something I yearn to do. Say where and when, you hold him down and I'll do the honours)