To ask for advice re bitchy colleagues

[dylanasauraspoop]

I started a new job 5 months ago and I really like the job itself, love the hours however the people are driving me crazy!

I've never experienced such a bitchy environment before, it's quite shocking.

In my first week they were all slagging each other off to me...nice as pie to each other's faces. It's a horrible feeling when I know they're probably doing the same about me but lovely to my face. Asking really personal questions.

The work itself doesn't involve barely any interaction between staff, thank god but I'm finding it so draining. I do go there every day after looking after a 3 year old and 1 year old each day so might be why I have no patience left at the end of the day.

How do I stay out of the drama and not get dragged in? I don't want to bitch about Chris because he's off sick again and "doesn't look very ill" nobody knows why he's off, nor should we!!!

Arrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Oh! If you don't have to talk to them then you can practice being a total Ice Maiden.

Short, meaningless sentences is he way to go!

That's nice
Oh, really?
No idea
Mmm Hmm

Put them on repeat, don't even listen to the chatter, don't choose an appropriate response, just mutter sething and move on.

At the very least it will drive them potty and give them something to moan about that they won't be saying to you as it will be about you!

Oh God, I work with some of these. It's hard but you just have to keep your trap shut and rise above it.

You have my sympathy!

Bitching or nosey gossips ?

Just ignore them

you can practice being a total Ice Maiden oooh I love that idea! Genius.

Bitching or nosey gossips ? Both...never known anything like it. Sarah's a piece of lazy shit apparently for living with her parents still. It's awful. I come home from work...repeat what they say to DH and he's like this the whole time.

Use non committal phrases such as...

"Is that right?"

"Oh is that so?"

"Oh I see"

But that's only if you're really backed into a corner, otherwise I'd make myself look too busy to chat, or suddenly remember I left something in the staff room.

I work in an environment very similar, female dominated and VERY two-faced. The best advice I can give is to not socialise in work at all, and never tell anyone about your life.

It sounds mean, but I never tell my colleagues about my problems/personal life. I have family and friends for that. I have no interest in what's going on with so and so and her husband, and I don't care what they think about me.

The best advice is to go into work, smile and be friendly, but keep your head down and do your job. Always be polite but don't join in on mindless chatter. If nobody knows anything about you, they have nothing to gossip about.

I remember, years ago, I did just that Gracie.

After a coupe of months Queen Bitch called me in and gave me notice, she had noted that I was not gelling with the rest of the team.

I checked with HR and arranged time of in lieu and then, as I left I had a pleasant 20 seconds when she shook my hand and said "No hard feelings, good luck"

I replied, "Yes it it is good luck, to be free of this place"

I was about 20, that was as brave as I got back then

This is really simple, just don't engage with it.

Next time someone makes a comment about another to you, either just ignore it, as in - literally do not respond, pretend you didn't hear, or just say "Sorry, I'm not interested in talking about others behind their backs."

They'll get the message that you're not into the drama.

You're absolutely right in that they probably are also bitching about you behind your back, but let them get on with it. Soon enough they'll run out of material and what are they going to say if you don't engage "oh I tried slagging off [name] and she told me she wasn't interested!"

female dominated

Men can be just as bad.........

Resist, but in a pleasant way that always sees the positive. "You can't always see every illness - I'm sure Chris will be back as soon as he's better". "Oh yes, Heidi moans about that, but she's got a lot on her plate and she was so lovely to me about helping me work the new software".

And find things to be funny about that can make everyone laugh together, not at someone in particular. That way, you'll come over as popular rather than snootily superior, and you might actually change the culture.

I’ve been here and as nuts as this sounds managed it via being as absolutely vapid as possible; imagining myself as just a dolly with big vacant eyes that would blink in recognition I was being addressed and would say “yeah, hm-mmm” then turn back to my terminal like my “on” switch had been flicked again.

Stay out of it. Smile and nod. Some may get frustrated that you don't join in but most will respect you for being a decent human being.

I read a great post on Buzzfeed yesterday and these tips stood out:

4. This compliment trick: "One way to avoid workplace drama and be well-liked is to compliment people behind their back."

1. This hack for when you don't want no workplace drama:

"My co-workers can get a little catty sometimes. When they're griping to me about something someone else did, I just shut it down with "X is just so great with customer service though," or some compliment about the person they're complaining about. Works like a charm, and sends the message 'I'm not going to feed into this crap, so go away.'"

Another trick is to have the stock phrase of, " Did you see X on tv last night, wasn't it great"

Turn the conversation to talking about TV you like rather than people.