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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to want to change schools?

18 replies

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 07:45

Name changed as possibly outing.

I have 3 DC at primary school. One DC has been the subject of bullying and their class is particularly disruptive. The school seem to finally be tackling the bullying but the class is not a cohesive bunch and unlikely to improve. DC in question is really not progressing as they should despite repeated meetings to try and get better support to push them on.

Other DC are happy in class.

We have a new head who seems to be going out of their way to make changes. Spending money on things that don't seem of benefit to the children, putting some fairly draconian rules in place. As it stands the DC only get their 15 minute break to chat/play with their friends, before school and lunchtimes are restricted/segregated.

DH and I feel that had the school been like this when we chose it (5 years ago) we wouldn't have picked it.

We are planning to go and look at our 'second choice' school to see if they have space and see if we feel they could better meet the needs of particularly the eldest DC. If the school is as it was when we looked 5 years ago we are of a mind to move them as it was a very close second at the time and 2 of the reasons we picked the other dont apply any more.

The DC dont like the changes at their school but dont want to leave their friends.

Has anyone moved their DC locally (as in, not relocating out of area) for similar reasons? Did your DC cope ok with the move? Did you find that you'd just switch one problem for another? AIBU to want to move them because of the change of Head and the new ethos of the school?

OP posts:

MadauntofA · 18/02/2019 07:50

I moved mine at 6&8 because I was really unhappy with 6yr olds class, and it was unlikely to change. It was definitely the best decision, both thrived though the eldest took longer to settle.

MadauntofA · 18/02/2019 07:51

I don't think YABU - change of head can make massive differences to the school which then filter down to the staff.

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 07:55

we've had almost a complete change of staff since new head.

madaunt likewise my biggest issue is the eldest's class, they have had several years of issues and seem no closer to solving it.

the head seems to have their own personal vision and is intent on creating it without fully thinking through (or caring) about the impact.

OP posts:

Fullofregrets33 · 18/02/2019 08:09

It's difficult because your on about moving 3 children. It's highly unlikely the move would work out great for all of them. There is a risk that one or more of their new classes may not be a good class. I'd maybe consider moving the one child but not all

HollySwift · 18/02/2019 08:11

YANBU. I’m sort of doing the same for similar reasons - won’t move eldest DC as he’s year 6 now and there didn’t seem to be much point this late. Horrendous bullying - physical attacks etc. Victim blaming constantly and a lying, patronising headteacher who is rude to everyone!

I’m voting with my feet and sending younger ones to a different school. Current one used to be an oversubscribed cream of the crop. There’s space in every year group now as people keep leaving and aren’t applying in high number either!

CuckooSings · 18/02/2019 08:12

Yes i moved dd2 at Christmas due to her teacher bullying her. I left dd1 as she is in Y6 and it seemed a shame to disrupt her education for 6 months. Same issues as you - new head, new rules and high staff turnover.

Moving dd2 was the best thing i did. Christmas holidays were awful, lots and lots of sobbing and anger about leaving her friends. Within two days of starting she was completely settled and telling everyone about her new school :-) She has jumped two reading bands this half term and is now doing maths a year above her old level. Shes gone from worrying about getting things wrong to being enthusiastic about learning. The new school cope with her anxiety and attachment issues brilliantly and her behaviour at home has improved. Shes made friends and is a completely different child. I had no idea how much the old school was upsetting her and only wish i'd moved her earlier.

My advice is to be honest with new school. Make sure they do things differently.

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 08:13

I'm not sure how i'd manage pick ups and drop offs if i only moved one - the schools are about 4 mins apart by car but far enough that i cant be in two places at once and i cant afford breakfast/after school clubs

OP posts:

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 08:15

cuckoo i that is what i hope the move with be for them. I plan on being very open with the new school about why we want to move and what we want to achieve from the move.

holly mine are Y4, Y2, Y1 and i have a toddler to follow. it is a long term decision i have to make!!

OP posts:

MadauntofA · 18/02/2019 08:21

I also found that when there were a few problems starting to surface in our new school, I was much more confident in going in and discussing then which sorted it out quickly. No school is ideal, but children are remarkably resilient

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 08:25

madaunt thats true, already i now feel like i'm constantly in and outover some issue or other, maybe if i had said something a few years ago it would have been sorted quicker.

OP posts:

FamilyOfAliens · 18/02/2019 08:35

Why not phone the other school and ask if they have spaces in those three classes? They may not do their own admissions (we don’t) but they can (or should) be able to tell you if it’s worth your while making an in-year application.

Be aware that most good schools will be unlikely to have any spaces for long, never mind three in the year groups you want all at the same time. So you may have to put one or two of them on the waiting list, and there may be other people higher up the list than you.

monkeysox · 18/02/2019 08:37

I doubt you'll find space for all three in one school tbh.

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 08:40

i will be phoning after half term.

our eldest's year had spaces when we were looking for him, of course more could have moved in.

they run mixed year group classes so it depends on the intake over 3 years rather than their individual year groups.

OP posts:

FamilyOfAliens · 18/02/2019 08:44

Two of our children moved out of the area two years ago; it didn’t work out and they’re now moving back. We only have space for one and the other will have to go on a waiting list, despite being a sibling. Their mum is tearing her hair out!

Crockof · 18/02/2019 10:49

I don't think it is fair to move children that are not having a problem, if two are happy I'd leave them settled. If you move them and they are unhappy what then? Moving back to the old school won't be the same as friendships will have changed. Regards pick up can you speak to another parent. Our y4 are allowed to walk home, could yours walk to a pre agreed point?

Comefromaway · 18/02/2019 10:57

My two were at a private school that went from nursery through to 6th form. The school had a lovely ethos then the head changed and it all became about expensive unifom with braided blazers rather than the well being of the children. Dd chose to leave when she got a bursary to a school specialising in her area of talent. I finally moved ds a few years later. I wish I'd done it sooner. He is so much happier now and dd also says she is so glad she didn't have to stay there.

Comefromaway · 18/02/2019 10:58

Dd had no particular problems, ds didn't want to leave his friends. (not that he had many)

Original poster

SchoolHop · 18/02/2019 14:55

crockof while the other two are not having a specific problem in class, they are unhappy about some of the new rules. I would not have picked this school as it is now back when we chose schools for eldest DC, i would have picked this one we are going back to look at.

what you're all mentioning is what i'm worrying about - moving from one bad situation into another one!!

OP posts:

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