Universal credit, Working mothers, resentment, feeling lost...aibu to be pissed at the way it all works

[Wadingthroughshit]

Hi, I don't really know where to start, so this might be a bit of word vomit.
I'm a single mother to two sons and a Master's degree. I work PT, although Id like more hours, in a job which I was told during the interview didn't need an MSc, but because the market is so saturated, the org. Only interviewed those that did. This is the first role since finishing uni, and I am not sure its for me. Before I even get there I have spent two and a half hours getting myself and my son's ready (4&8) and some mornings I am exhausted before leaving the house if they've been arguing. Then I race to work, like we all have to.
I am on universal credit, claiming childcare back can be a minefield, there was one point when I uploaded childcare proof, my journal said it was complete, then UC said they couldn't see it and I wasn't going to be paid anything towards my £600 costs. I want to work FT so I can start a career and give this field a really try, but it costs so much for childcare.
I have developed Horrendous anxiety, which can start for seemingly no reason some days, to the point where I find it incredibly difficult to talk to people at work, and I can feel myself going red. I have gotten overweight and lazy, and in general lack motivation, which is not like me at all. I feel closed.
I don't really know what I'm looking even posting this, I guess perhaps someone might have felt similarly and got to the other side.
Thanks so much for reading

Presuming your DC are school age would it be possible to work PT over 5 days to cut down on childcare costs?

Hi mrscog my youngest starts school in August, which will definitely help.

Ring them up and sort it out

Why is the morning taking so long?

I’m not an expert on benefits but if you get uc does that mean you don’t get tax free childcare?

You sound low, and it’s understandable, working and raising DC is hard - even with a partner. You are doing it alone - superwoman in my eyes! Take one step at a time - is there something you could start doing to make you feel better? How about a meditation app to help with anxiety?

I have gotten overweight and lazy, and in general lack motivation, which is not like me at all. I feel closed.
Plus you have anxiety.
Please go and talk to your GP if you haven't already. You sound as though you may have depression. Medication or counselling might help you get back on an even keel.

I think maybe I am a little down. I am having therapy because I was quite poorly about a year and a half ago, so it's just come round now as the waiting list was very long. Ugh, I was not prepared to face up to that. I do a lot with my son's, we go on lots of adventures, which is grand, but afterwards I can crash back into reality.

You're definitely down. You're doing too much. I know you don't have much choice being a working single mum and I feel for you. 💐