To be slightly hurt about DBrother's actions?

[Ironfloor269]

My DB and I my parents' only children. My father owns the house and land they live on. DB is considerably older than me so when he got married and settled down, I was still in school. When he bought and land and built a house, my dad helped him financially. He still helps DB financially. DB and SIL are holding good jobs and don't need financial help but dad helps them out of good will. Which is fine. I have nothing against that.

However, when I got married (with a lot of family opposition as DH and I are from different ethnicities), my dad said that I will inherit a share of their house. Since I'm living overseas, he said that I could sell my share of the house to my DB if I wished, one day. He also said that I'll get a share of his savings. I was ok with this. DH though it's only fair that I receive the entire house as DB already has a house and three pieces of land, which my dad helped him to buy/build. I didn't really care. As I live overseas, it's DB who looks after my elderly parents so I was ok with him receiving the lion's share. DH thought parents should divide their estate equally when giving it to children, provided both children are on equal financial footing.

Anyway, fast forward a few months, and now my dad has decided to write the whole house to my DB and leave all the money to me. Which means I have no property at all in the country I was born in. Mind you, the property value increases there, whereas the value of money decreases very fast.

When my dad told me about his decision, I asked him what my DB had to say about it. He said that DB was fine if I was ok about it. I hate conflicting with a sibling over inheritance so I said I'm ok with it. But it hurts me a bit. I have a daughter, my dad's grand daughter. She has nothing except some money, but my DB's daughter has four properties.

Please tell me I'm not BU to feel this way. I'm ready yo accept I am, though.

Thanks for reading.

Wills really aren’t generally made to reflect who takes on the biggest caring burden. What parents will often do is to pass money/gifts on while living, that is entirely fair and up to them obviously. This has never been my experience with family/extended family/in laws etc. You don’t care for a relative with the hope of getting a larger share of the inheritance.

The house and money are your fathers to do as he wishes with. He doesn’t have to split things exactly equally between you, just as your FIL doesn’t have to split things equally between his children. Your brother may be equally as well off as you, but clearly his relationship with your father is not equal to yours. As you say you live abroad so he is responsible for the care of your parents, and that is no small thing. I think you sound quite entitled expecting the inheritance to be split down the middle. I’m afraid you need to see your brothers inheritance as a reward for marrying somebody they liked, staying close by, and looking after them in their old age. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that adult children have to marry who their parents say or have to care for them in their dotage, but neither do I think that adult children are entitled to any inheritance.

I'd have told dad to do the fair thing and divide everything equally

But your brothers response was to check with you first - he didn’t agree straight away

What you need to do is say ‘can I think about it’ and then do just that and get back to him.

Why not call you dad and have a discussion about it all? Say you’d like a property incase you need to come home? Or ask DB if he intends to rent it out etc?

I think your confused because you aren’t informed, so ask

You sound like your not bothered then all of a sudden you are. You should have been clear as it sounds like he's done he thought was best not putting one above another

YABU. Even children. ( in England at least) are not “entitled” to inheritance. Sounds like your dad is making ensuring that your brother and his family are looked after because they are the ones ensuring he is looked after now.

And your husbands opinions on equality to your fathers estate and money is none of his business. At all.

This is in such bad taste.

Thank you for taking the time and effort to reply. It really helps to see things from an outside perspective.

It seems unanimous that IBU.