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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potty training

25 replies

swizzells2003 · 17/02/2019 09:27

Posting here for traffic.
My DS is 3 (will be 4 next month) and is still in nappies. He is more than capable of using the toilet but will not entertain the notion of pants. I have a house full of all different colours and styles.... we read books about wearing pants, he sees that we and his friends at nursery wear pants but nothing helps.
I need him to be using the toilet before he starts school and it's starting to stress me out.
He cries, I cry and he's still wearing a nappy
AIBU to think this isn't normal behaviour about pants?

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 17/02/2019 09:28

You just have to grit your teeth and go for it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/02/2019 09:29

What happens if you try putting the pants on? Stop nappies being an option?

Merryoldgoat · 17/02/2019 09:30

When you say ‘capable’ does he tell you he needs to go and will go in the loo or potty?

Will he go without nappy or underwear?

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 17/02/2019 09:35

He can tell us when he has done a poo or wee and will sometimes sit on the toilet. He had a full on meltdown this morning when I took his nappy off and refused to put one back on - I offered pants or nothing. He was crying, begging, pleading ....... I gave in and put a nappy on.
Reading this back - he's playing me, isn't he?!

OP posts:

LMBad · 17/02/2019 09:56

I have the same issue with my son but he is only just 3. He is extremely resistant to change and the only way he will accept it is if he doesn’t have the choice, so shortly I’m going to completely get rid of all the nappies (except for pull ups overnight) and will just have to cope until he gets it. Good luck!

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 17/02/2019 09:58

Thank you! I think I'm just going to have to have a horrible few days with this and hope for the best.....

OP posts:

hopelessatthinkingupusernames · 17/02/2019 10:05

I’d do a countdown. 5 more days then no more nappies, 4 more days, etc to get him used to the idea. Then just stick it out.

When I trained my son we did a few days at home where he was naked from the waist down before we tried pants. Even if he knows when he’s gone he might not be able to recognise the signs of needing to go without some practice!

Vanillaradio · 17/02/2019 10:18

Can you try those cotton training pants. They worked really well for ds as they felt a bit padded and more like a nappy.
If he won't go for these then yes I think you're just going to have to remove nappies and go through a few days of pain!

Rosered341 · 17/02/2019 10:22

Potty training is not pleasant - just go for it !

Areyoufree · 17/02/2019 10:25

There's no normal with potty training. Some people are lucky to have kids whose needs fall in nicely with their parenting style. My daughter was out of nappies by two. My son was four, and I was starting to worry that we wouldn't get him out of nappies before school! He would poo himself, and not tell anyone - and would lie if you asked. He wouldn't even try to get to a toilet. Plus, he was at preschool, and they tended to stick a nappy on him, if he had an accident. He's fine now, though - and started school in pants.

HuntIdeas · 17/02/2019 10:27

I think you need to make sure that there are no nappies in the house (apart from special overnight ones) for both of you to stick with this

I would get rid of nearly all the nappies then make a big deal of it to your son that when they have gone they’re gone

Do you think going to the shops and letting him choose a toy to spend the money on instead of nappies would help?

lau888 · 17/02/2019 10:50

Actual nappies or pull-ups? I'd suggest using pull-ups but treat them like underpants. It worked for my eldest. I eventually swapped them for underpants with similar cartoon characters on them. x

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 17/02/2019 17:27

Actual nappies, he hates pull ups ....... small victory, we got pants over his nappy - I'm taking it as a win

OP posts:

Fiveredbricks · 17/02/2019 17:34

Stop buying nappies. Full stop.

Hodgehegg · 17/02/2019 17:45

Watching this with interest. We have a very similar situation here op. We were both in tears earlier too. It's so nice to hear we're not the only ones struggling!

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 17/02/2019 18:16

@Hodgehegg it's so hard, and then I feel so daft for crying over something as silly as wearing pants! I spectacularly underestimated how strong willed my DS is...... we'll get there - small steps I guess. I put so much pressure on myself, I just need to relax about this stuff

OP posts:

Tryingtogetitright · 17/02/2019 18:18

With my little boy I stopped making a big deal of it, he was 3.5 and I was starting to panic too. Then I just started changing his nappy but getting "distracted" before I put the new one on. Would leave him naked from waist down til he did a wee in the loo, then put a nappy back on. Took a couple of weeks but once he got his confidence he was fine with pants.

mnahmnah · 17/02/2019 19:06

Have you tried a sticker chart with rewards? My DS was 3 and it worked well

VioletCharlotte · 17/02/2019 19:10

Could it be arranged for him to leave them out for the 'nappy fairy' in return for a toy? This worked with my DS and getting him to give up he's dummy.

Helix1244 · 17/02/2019 19:30

My dc is similarly strong willed. Nappy free worked. Also taking nappy of at different time of the day, it took a long time to be able to put them on first thing in the morning.

Mammyloveswine · 17/02/2019 19:43

When did you first start? Approaching 4 is very late to toilet train.

I'd just get rid of the nappies and show some tough love. It's not fun but you are the parent and need to grit your teeth and be firm.

My son was 2 years 10 months when I trained him. We stayed in the house for a good few days, he was stripped naked and I gave him lots of juice to drink (he's not usually allowed juice). But it got him needing the loo. A few accidents and he started realising what was happening and took himself to the potty. He still Had A few accidents and took a while to get used to pants but I refused to go backwards. He's just turned 3 and now uses the big toilet (no mini seat) and we can reliably go out all day with no accidents.

I intend to train my youngest around 2 as he's already showing an interest in sitting on the potty.

I am aware that every child is different but as an early years teacher year on year i see so many children starting school in nappies without having additional needs and I just don't think potty training is "pushed" in the same way it used to be.

Good luck!

Rosered341 · 17/02/2019 20:35

My dd wAs very resistant to the potty (aged 2.5) I earmarked a week when we didn’t HAVE to go out and went cold turkey on nappies. Lots to drink, lots of towels around, and knickers only. Yes she cried about it, but it clicked. She actually preferred the toilet to the potty, we had a little step and a child seat on it.
It does take some perseverance!

JellyBaby666 · 17/02/2019 20:39

Ditch the nappies, be firm, but also if pants themselves are the issue then nothing on or some shorts? Keep him at home for a few days till it’s done. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture, it’s about him being potty trained, wearing the pants isn’t the magic solution. Ditch em, and go for it. You’re the parent! Good luck.

DuggeesWoggle · 18/02/2019 09:07

Thanks for starting this thread OP, my DS is 3.3 and I am starting to feel like he will never be out of nappies. Like your DC, he is very strong willed, and won't even entertain pull ups. He has used the potty successfully for both wees and poos and I thought we were doing ok but he started holding it in for over 6 hours at a time and i didn't want him getting an infection. We stopped because he was getting more and more distressed. I want it to be a positive experience for him but if he really doesn't want to do it, what would we really achieve by forcing it. Luckily he's not at school until Sep 2020 and nursery are great but I feel like we are going to have to do something proactive about it soon.

So no advice but solidarity!

jasonsmith1 · 18/02/2019 09:11

There's no typical with potty preparing. A few people are fortunate to have children whose needs fall in pleasantly with their child rearing style. My little girl was out of nappies by two. My child was four, and I was beginning to stress that we wouldn't get him out of nappies before school! He would crap himself, and not tell anybody - and would lie in the event that you inquired. He wouldn't attempt to get to a latrine. Besides, he was at preschool to write my essay, and they would in general stick a nappy on him, on the off chance that he had a mishap. He's fine now, however - and began school in jeans.

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