To think my family are so selfish

[username79999]

To cut a long story short I don't speak to my dad after many many incidents the last one he refused to come to ds birthday and then sent me abusive text . I see my dm regularly but not my dB . Anyway I have a big birthday come up so arranged a birthday meal . My dm asked if I was inviting dB I said no because they always make excuses that they can't come . My dm said I must invite so I did . Anyway surprise no they can't come . Db1 said he's working, db2 didn't say yes or no but wanted to know who's coming and why not inviting dd . I said all he has to do is apologise and I'm not inviting him . Since then nothing no sorry I can't make it or anything. Anyway I'm fuming my mum has said they need to understand to come or not but they are selfish so I'm so tempted to message and say so . My dh said they are cut from the same cloth as my dd .
What would you do aibu ?

Nothing. You've done the right and polite thing by inviting DBs, you can't control their reactions and no matter how much you lose your shit it won't change them. Your DM can't be upset and surely you'd rather they weren't there anyway? Deep breath and let it go. Have a nice birthday

It sounds very difficult for you OP .

If I'm honest there's no real way to decide who's being U from your post. Family dynamics are so complicated and resentments run so deep that it's just impossible to tell from a paragraph what's really going on - usually in situations like this each person is adamant they've been wronged (and only sometimes is that 100% true). It could be your dad is a deeply unreasonable person and your brothers are too but I couldn't say that based on the fact that one can't come to your birthday dinner and the other still has some loyalty to your dad.

Don't want to sound unsympathetic at all or to imply I'm accusing you of lying, just being honest about who is or isn't being unreasonable.