Wedding far away, baby

[Strugglingonagain]

So DH sibling has announced they are getting married this summer in a country very far away.

We have 2 children, aged 5 and 2months. We weren't going to have any holiday this year due to lack of money as I'm on maternity. There is literally no spare.

DH family offered to pay for flights, maybe accommodation. There would be food and activity costs, I don't see how we would pay for them really.

I have pnd. We don't think we can take the children as its so far and we don't have the money to make a proper holiday out of it. Should DH go? I'm not sure I can manage without him for at least a week/10 days, and scrabbling for food/spending money will literally mean there is none for activities with the kids here all summer and all his time off work will be spent there.

AIBU to not want him to go? I feel awful but I don't see how it work.

My DH's best friend got married abroad when our DC were 3 and 1 (DH was best man). There was no way we were all going on a 10 hour flight to a very hot country. My DH went alone & although we missed him it was the right thing to do. No regrets 👍🏻

Dh should go and take the 5 yo.

Your DH should definitely go - it's his sibling, my DH has done that a couple of times when it's not worked for us as a family. He also took DS1 to his cousin's wedding in the states when I was too pregnant to fly.

Just think how you'd feel if it was you or your sibling.

Don't stop him going, it's his brother after all and it won't be for long.
Your baby is very young to go travelling and your PND will spoil everything for you, Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault, I hope you will have some family support while husband is away, x

If it is the other side of the world then maybe he can take the 5 year old and let you chill with the baby.
Not having to answer to a husband or a young school child could help your mental health enormously No having to clean cook or tidy up until you feel the need is very freeing. Baby up all night screaming is fine because you can both go back to bed all day if you want.
Can his parents help you guys out with finances. It’s not a holiday but an important family event.
If he can’t go people will understand but you won’t get the chance again to do this.

Is there anyone who could stay with you while your DH goes?

If they are covering flights and accommodation as long as it's self catering it won't cost too much (you have to eat at home, or doesn't have to cost much more). Yes it's going to eat into your budget a bit but it's worth it surely / a free holiday!

It would be a no from me. You have PND, DH should stay at home to support you. His brother should have considered that people may not attend if the wedding is abroad.

Hi OP

I would look at flights and see what's the shortest time he can go for. Even in Australia, it is possible to go for 4 days to be at the actual wedding and that's about it. Bonus is jet lag isn't as bad as don't have as much time to get used to local time! Hopefully you will be much better in a few months. If his family pay for flights and hotels it should be possible to budget carefully to not spend too much there eg find budget places to eat which you can do in most places if you're not fussy about ambience or eating alone. It probably won't be a great experience for either of you but I'd try as it's family. Please make sure you have some support though even if it's just company not practical support. My husband had to go away for some family stuff when my second was little (3 plus a 6 month old) I got an elderly aunt to stay with me, I did the majority of child thing and cooking but really helped having another adult to talk to and watch the kids while I went to the loo. I didn't have PND though so feel free to take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Otherwise could he take the eldest with him?

So many people saying OP should ‘let’ her DH go alone, are they simply not reading the part where OP has PND?

Nope sorry...until your functioning and feeling back to normal OP your DH isn’t going ANYWHERE!!!
It shouldn’t be a choice between you or his DB but unfortunately DB has made it that by organising a wedding at such short notice abroad!

Let him go, sounds like most expenses will be catered for - re travel/ somewhere to stay if you all can’t go cut him free for a week. How much more would he spend realistically? Are you on the bread line or is this a we (you) don’t want to get into any debt situation? for a big event/holiday then spend the money or pay it off. It’s his Dsib. Keep that card in your back pocket, you will take a trip in the near future that will see you even.

I’ve seen you have PND - I have had it too, I still think he should go, mking sure you
Are ok for the week

Let him go and he should take the 5year old.

Has OP said it was a destination wedding? Might be where the bride comes from!

He should definitely go and I like the suggestion of a PP that he take the 5 yr old. Great opportunity for them both. I could not imagine holding my partner back from a siblings wedding, especially when the costs are being covered.

Hi op, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. YANBU to want him to stay home.

It's what the sibling should expect really, with a destination wedding.

YANBU especially given your current circumstances. It sucks, but that's how it is sometimes.

I don't think the children should miss out on activities all summer to let him go. They are not getting any holiday already. To take away days out or trips to a cafe or getting in a takeaway or ready meals when things are difficult with pnd is unreasonable. It sounds like only part of the costs will be covered. Things still need to be spent while DH is there on food, alcohol probably, maybe an activity to stay with the rest of the family.

You may need to spend extra as part of making the stay at home on your own work.

His first duty should be to you and the children. You are likely to still need him.

You should not get into debt for this. You never know whether you will be able to go back to work full time, or if redundancy strikes or other changes of circumstances.

The pound may end up being worth less abroad, and make things more expensive, parents may pull out of paying for accommodation, clothes will need to be hired or bought.

It just I'd not feasible at the moment for your family's needs.

Thanks for the comments and advice, much appreciated x

If he can take the 5 year old with him, and if the dc will still be able to go to activities, and the op thinks she can cope with just the baby he could go. Else no. Pnd is an illness.

well, I don't know, I am in Oz, we do long distance travelling with children all the time, of course, or we would never go anywhere!

babies are very portable, at that age they are likely to sleep most fo the time on the plane, and the 5 year old would have on flight entertainment, tv, movies games etc. mine jump on, tune into the online stuff, play/watch tv for a while, eat their dinner and fall asleep, so if that what is scaring you most, it is not as bad as you might think

but of course, it depends on how you feel, PND is tough!

I got married abroad and I would have totally understood if a sibling did not come in your circumstances. Several of my siblings couldn't come to mine for various reasons so we had a party in the UK to celebrate with everyone who couldn't make it to the wedding itself.

Dh go with 5 yr old. He won't need to pay for much. Then you chill with 2 month old.