To not want her there?!

[RZNW]

DP and I have set the wedding date and all is running smoothly...so far.

Only hiccup is the guest list. He wants to invite one specific person I truly don't want there because she brings a dark cloud.

She's a colleague of ours (we work at the same place) and she is absolutely no threat to our relationship - she's happily in a relationship with a woman. But she's just downright fucking rude to me.

No matter how many times I try and engage in conversation or say hi to her, she blanks me. To DP though she's "hilarious and so friendly" 🙄

The girl even claimed at one point we'd never met. Whereas in reality she spent 2 hours in a meeting with me and only one other person so it's not like I got lost in a crowd.

Anyway, I've made peace with the fact you can't please them all and she simply doesn't like me for whatever reason. I don't particularly want her at my wedding though.

Thoughts please? I'm a bridezilla and should just chill the fuck out?

I would compromise and suggest you invite her as an evening guest!

I had this on a way smaller scale when me and my ex were planning a bbq! I’d been on a couple of nights out with him and his workmates. Most of them were fine but this one girl was really rude towards me. She had a bf so I don’t think anything untoward was going on, she just didn’t like me. Anyway, I told him from the get go he wasn’t to invite her to the bbq. The morning of said bbq she texted him saying her and her bf were coming at whatever time. I went mad and said i’m not having someone who has been so rude to me coming into my home. Me and the ex had a row about it. He said it would be rude to uninvite her. I said “tough, I told you she wasn’t welcome in the first place”. I don’t know what he told her in the end but she didn’t come!

Sorry that was a bit of saga! Point being, YANBU. It’s your wedding day. Why should you have someone there who has been so rude to you?

*Nope. Off she fucks.

Nope. No invite for cunty chops.
*
These cracked me up! Xx

Agree with PP who said, don't invite her but allow him one veto as well (though obviously he doesn't have to reject anyone if there's no one who annoys him.)

What about, let her come to the evening do and not the ceremony? U can lose her in the crowd then 🤷🏽‍♀️

In the spirit of fairness, you could toss a coin. Heads you win, tails she loses.

It's not quite a simple as not inviting her. You and your DF are in the same emergency service and if I've read correctly this woman and other colleagues all work on the same relief/shift/team. If she (& her partner) are the only two not invited you might open a nasty can of worms. Cunty Chops only has to go to Professional Standards and mention bullying or homophobia and you have a real problem. Sorry it stinks but ...........

@Windgate agree with this - we had a similar experience with our guest list as my husband wanted to invite his colleagues apart from one and it was tricky (he was senior to them). We didn't invite him in the end but it was something we had to consider that he'd use it as an example of bullying.

*UPDATE
*
It has now just turned into a full on row because I've said definitively I don't want her there. He thinks I'm being unreasonable.

@windgate I’m not sure not inviting her to your wedding could be construed as bullying etc, especially as she ignores you completely.

@RZNW I’m appalled at your fiancé. What is he thinking? Who is more important, her or you?

Send her an invite......to a different address.

@Maelsrop it can be, sorry

Oh no, that’s rubbish OP. My DH has a similar ‘friend ‘ before we got married, and he struggled to see her behaviour towards me. Luckily, she let her mask slip being an absolutely blatant bitch to me on a night out, not realising he saw the whole thing. So there was no question of her coming to our wedding luckily. But if there was, I would absolutely have put my foot down, and literally would have cancelled the wedding had he insisted someone be there who would make me feel so shit about myself on my wedding day. (Disclaimer: I genuinely wasn’t a bridezilla!)

Invite her and when you see her on the day, introduce yourself.... “Oh I don’t believe we’ve met... I’m X’s wife, Brideziilla. How lovely to meet you. How do you know X?”

I wouldn’t want to have to think about her and her crap on my wedding day, so no, she wouldn’t be coming!

Sorry to hear he argued with your about it.

You're a partnership. a veto is a veto. Stand your ground.

Your dh to be is a bit of tit.

You told him that shes a cow to you and he still wants to invite her.

Nope. Lady bitch face can bugger off in the ambulance she rode in on. He did like it, he can bloody join her.

No, don't invite her, it's normal not to invite work colleagues and cheaper.

I honestly think that this is partly the reason why I've never got married. I couldn't be coping with the politics.

Ask him wtf he's inviting colleagues anyway, let alone a bitch.
Simple, tell him he can invite her if he wants, but you won't be there.
What knob, does he fancy her?

Nah fuck that. Don't invite her.

I didn't want one of DH's (not close) friends there because he bullied me mercilessly as a child.

He'd grown out of it and wasn't so bad as an adult but I had a facial disfigurement which he made my life a living hell for and although it had been fixed, I still didn't want to be reminded of that on my wedding day.

He didn't question the lack of invite so I'm guessing he knew why!!

I would be very clear she wasn’t coming, but equally I wouldn’t be drawn into any drama or arguments. I’d flat out refuse to talk about it. Send out the invitations fast and go with ‘it’s done & dusted’.

If pressed say ‘she doesn’t get to poison my wedding day, or the lead up. I’m not excluding her, I’m just not including her. Her and most of the people on the planet are not coming to the wedding. Case closed’

Shut it down, and distract him with the enormous task list.

Is anyone else concerned about the fact that the fiance seems unwilling to take the OPs word for it?

OP, is he dismissive of your experiences in other areas of your life? Has he given any valid reason for his suggestion you are unreasonable?

Will this woman be the only colleague you don’t invite out of a small group of close colleagues? Is there a special reason he feels the need to invite her? Or is it simply that he likes her so much he really wants her there, despite the fact his wife-to-be will be upset?

My husband had a close friend to our wedding I didn’t much like, but they were childhood friends. Is it something like that?

Or is it simply that he considers you’re the one being the bitch here and is overruling you on the grounds “he knows better”. Because if it’s that, put your foot down now. If he doubles down, it’s a massive red flag.

I was all ready to say just invite her , it's the nice thing to do but no she sounds like she goes out of her way to be awful to you so no I wouldn't want her there either.

Is there an expectation you will invite staff etc?

It's bad news that your dh appears to be valuing her option over your opinion, in a way.