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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be frustrated with friend's breakup?

8 replies

Strongenoug3 · 16/02/2019 17:01

My friend discovered her boyfriend of a year was cheating in December. He's an arsehole and she's well shot of him. Understandably, she's still upset and in shock, and I'm trying to be there for her, but it's so frustrating. He's moved out & I've suggested she blocks his number & his social media accounts. She couldn't because she had to speak to him about getting his things back to him from her house. That took a few weeks to do.

She said they had decided to stay friends initially, but was finding it too hard. I advised blocking again. This time she couldn't because he'd asked for a game he'd left at her mother's house back. I told her to just bin it tell him he had to sort that out with her mum directly, but she wouldn't. Then they couldn't break contact because they remembered she owed him some money. And on and on.

Then it came out he'd cheated on her multiple times. This time she did delete his contact details. But he rang her yesterday to ask for the Netflix password, so they're back in contact. I suggested separating all of that sort of stuff, but apparently it's easier this way.

It's up to her, obviously, but I've spent the last two months listening to her being really upset several times a week, and she won't make any changes to get him out of her life. AIBU to be really frustrated and think she won't move on while she keeps allowing him contact?

OP posts:
Newadventure · 16/02/2019 17:06

Awww give her a break. She'll be heartbroken and looking for excuses she can see him. Bless her. It's only been two months like you say.
It's not good for her and of course it would be better if she were NC but its still early days. Just be a friend and be there for her. Keep offering advice.
Hopefully she'll come round soon.

Strongenoug3 · 16/02/2019 17:10

I know, you're right. It just enrages me that every time she starts looking forwards he pops up again and she allows him to upset her all over again.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 16/02/2019 17:14

Best thing a friend did for me after listening to me go on for months was to tell me she was bored with hearing about the whole thing. Make me realise that I was not only boring (something I hate as pride myself in being at least an entertaining friend) but that I was also bored with it too. I sorted myself out of the drama sharpish! It was the kick in the ass I needed. Bless her!

Strongenoug3 · 16/02/2019 17:19

I know that her mother has told her she's fed up with hearing about it. I really do feel for her, but I don't know how much longer I can hear her complain about it without doing anything about it.

OP posts:
FissionChip5 · 16/02/2019 17:29

Just tell her you don’t want to hear anymore about her drama if she isn’t prepared to take action.

Strongenoug3 · 17/02/2019 22:20

Yes that's what I'm going to do. When she asks to go out this week I'll tell her that.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 17/02/2019 22:28

Definitely tell her you cannot do or say anymore, given that she hasn't taken any of your advice on board - your advice isn't going to change so there is no point in her asking you. If she does mention him after you talk to her, cut her off mid sentence and change the subject straight away.

TitsAndTomatoes · 17/02/2019 23:22

I had a cousik who did this.
She got back together and split up with said dickhead a further 4 times. I told her i dont want to be a part of it but whe she reaches a day that she wants to actually remove him from her life, that ill be there every step of the way. But not till she blocked him.
Its a fucking drain on your own mental health. Just chill and take a step back. Let her know you're there for her but there's only so much u can do.x

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