Party Invite

[KatarinaStratford]

I've named changed.

A neighbour had a child two months before I did so we've sort of become friendly over the years.

Yesterday, she text me to invite my daughter to her daughter's birthday party which was this morning, and apologised for the short notice.

Two years ago, she mentioned us coming to her daughter's first birthday party and said she'd text me the details but didn't. She apologised for forgetting when we dropped her present off a few days later.

Last year she told me she had a proper invite for my daughter for the second birthday party but we didn't receive one. She then text me at the last minute asking if we were coming.

AIBU to think that after the same thing happening three years in a row, that this isn't accidental? Are we just being invited after other people have declined to make up the numbers, or does she not actually want us there but feels she has to invite us so gives short notice?

She's probably just scatty/struggling with small child/children. Don't look too deeply or overthink it Katrina. Just go.

Did the text say something like "I was wondering if you're coming to Xs party as I haven't heard from you" or was it an invite?

If she was asking if you were coming then she may have thought you had an invite but forgotten to give it to you. If it was an invite by text then, yes, you probably are making up numbers or bein invited as an after thought.

It doesnt like you are super close anyway so I wouldn't take it too personally. Just don't go out of your way for her in future. I also wouldn't get a very big present (or one at all) since they havent given you time to find one.

Yesterday was a last minute invite and it was the first we'd heard of it (it hadn't even crossed my mind that her birthday was coming up).

Last year it was a last minute text with details after saying she'd be posting an invite through the door the month before.

I do wonder if I'm taking it too personally which is why I'm asking. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, as I actually hate going to kids parties! I do find it a bit rude though, and it feels personal.

She sounds a bit scatty, some people are like that, go if it is convenient, don't go if it's not.

Yeah, you're way overthinking it. She's probably just a bit run off her feet - that's what kids parties do to you, after all.

I think it’s more likely that she is scatty

Sounds like she's just massively flakey tbh.

If she's organising a party then she must be able to organize herself enough to invite other mum's and their children. She can't be inviting all the others last minute. She can find the time to invite others properly so therefore I personally think you are making up numbers once she has received the r.s v p from other guests. I'd simply smile and decline if you get one next year and if you feel you need to send a card only.

Go to the party if you’re free and you want to. If you don’t want to or can’t as you already have plans then there’s nothing wrong with politely declining given the short notice.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought though, maybe she’s a bit scatty but by your own admission she’s a neighbour that you’re sort of friendly with- you’re probably not top of her invite list but that’s not an insult, just the reality based on the fact you’re obviously not that close.

She is probably just scatty, and at least you have been invited - every time!

Not as bad as what happened to me once. I moved into a new area (moved away now,) and the girl next door to me (Lucy - 24 y.o with a 18 month old baby, and a 26 y.o. boyfriend,) was quite friendly with me, but way more friendly with the 45 y.o. woman next to me (Lyn.) (I was in the middle IYSWIM. Lucy was at House No.3, I was No 5, and Lyn was at No 7.)

Lyn - married, (with 3 teen children,) was like a mother to Lucy (at No 3,) as Lucy's mother lived 200 miles away, and she rarely saw her.

Lucy became quite jealous whenever I spoke to Lyn, and me and Lyn got on well, and she asked me round for coffee once or twice a month. Lucy looked furious when me and Lyn and her were chatting once (on the path,) and Lyn said she thought me and DH were the best neighbours who had lived next to them since they moved there 12 years ago (We were the 7th lot .. it was private let, we were staying there for a year or so because we weren't sure whether to stay in that area after we sold our house.)

Long story short, I took a gift for Lucy's daughter's 2nd birthday. (6 months after moving in.) I knocked on the door and handed it to her with a card (her birthday was the next day.) She said 'I am having a party for Lola tomorrow, so apologies in advance for any noise.' No invite then LOL!

So the afternoon came the next day, and Lyn from No 7 trotted past our house to No 3, so did her 3 teens, and the 3 families from No 1, 9, 11, and 13 came past too. And the people from across the road (No's 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, & 14. The whole neighbourhood in our cul-de-sac were invited. Also Lucy's 2 cousins, her sister, and the 7 kids they had between them. And about 3 or 4 other friends of hers. I'm not gonna lie I was quite hurt. The only one left out.

I sat in my garden when the party was going on, as it was 30 degrees C and dry and hot. I sat at my patio table, up against our 7 foot fence between Lucy (having the party) and us at no 5. About half hour into the party they all came outside. 5 minutes in I heard Lyn (from No 7,) ask Lucy 'Where's Winterfell? Isn't she coming?'

Silence. Lucy obviously didn't have the balls to tell Lyn she had not invited us.

Five minutes later, a knock on our door. DH answered. It was Lucy.

I listened through the house, and heard her say 'errm do you and Winterfell and the kids fancy coming round to Lola's party?' (our 2 kids were late junior school age then.) DH said 'hang on' and left her at the door a minute. He came to me (I was in the kitchen by then,) and I said 'no.'

He said 'eh?' I said 'NO.' She decides to invite us to the party half an hour in. Fuck that. The kids were at their friends house, I had already defrosted what we were having for tea, and I wasn't being some fucking afterthought.

I never really forgave her for that tbh and was glad when she left the house a few months later (also private let) because the landlord was selling up.

Sorry about that rant. The OP just reminded me of it LOL!