Would this be mental? re DP not living with me

[namerchange]

Pregnancy scare going on.
DP and I don't live together. We have a 2 year old. We were fairly young when we had him- we hadn't been together long, DP was still going through education, we've had a few relationship up and downs when DS was newborn and it just worked out for various reasons that DS and I lived in our home and DP stayed at home with parents. We have the intention to move in after he's finished his degree but (if I'm honest) the relationship is still a bit rocky and I'm not sure what we both want.
I'm having a pregnancy scare, been for bloods. I've been on/off contraception for a while trying to find something that works.
Would it be mental to have 2 children together but not even live together??? Has anyone heard of anything like this before??
Name changed.

I believe this situation has been known to occur among people wishing to maximise their benefits? But am no expert on the matter

If you are the poster I think you are then yes, it would be a daft move that I wouldn't consider for myself. When is he going to finish his degree and what are his plans for afterwards?

I've heard it happen and seen it in real life with those on benefits, those working and now more commonly with those who have to live with parents/other family as they can't afford their own accommodation.

So long as you’re not doing it for benefit purposes it’s fine, although you will of course be pretty much a single parent doing all the work which isn’t easy.

Surely you are either pregnant or not? Why do you need a blood test???

You make it sound as if you really aren’t sure if your relationship is going to last- or if you want it to? I’d be thinking about how you would feel if you do split. Are you really happy not living together?
It does sound like an unusual set up, I know couples who don’t live together but not with young children. Does he help with childcare and finances as it is? Do you want a second child? Have you talked to him about it?

No benefits, he helps out with childcare and financially- blood tests because one was negative and 2 were positive so I requested them for accuracy- no, if I'm honest with myself I'm not sure if the relationship will last, we are both trying but I think we are trying to believe it's better than it is

Years ago I saw a documentary about couples who were married but lived apart. They were very much: we know this isnt the norm but it works for us.

I personally wouldn’t have a baby in those circumstances and I’d get myself more education, build a happy stable life for me and the one DC that’s here already.

Why are you having blood tests? They cost an awful lot of money. Can’t you just wait a few days and test again?

It sounds dafter to stay with this person and have another child when you're quite clearly better off being a single parent of 1 with no ties to the other parent.

If you’ve had two positives then you’re pregnant, you don’t need blood tests.

If you are not pregnant, I suggest that you use contraception.
A condom, for example.

I think it would be stupid to do that. Get yourself sorted first.

Yes YWBU
What about the children in all of this?

I think that your partner is a side issue here. It doesn't sound like a great relationship (they are all hard sometimes, but yours sounds like work all the time) so I wouldn't count on it surviving another pregnancy. At the very least, you won't have the emotional energy for a very draining relationship on top of the stress and exhaustion of a new baby.

What really matters is how you feel about the (potential) baby. Do you want it? Can you cope on your own? Do you hav enough support generally?

The situation is recognisable, even if the name has changed so I doubt the advice will change either, OP!

I wouldn't live with someone I didn't want to live with, children or not. So Yanbu.

Some people just don't feel psychologically like they want a termination and that needs to be respected as much as the choice to have one does.

Look on the plus side, only one dad to get maintenance from.
Or not get it from, seeing as he's at uni.

I think you have to assume that you will be a single parent, if not now then at some point in the future. Do you want another child knowing that you will be the single parent?
Is he very much involved and invested now? Will he keep that up if you split up?

Bad idea. Until you get your contraception fixed either a) abstain or b) use condoms. It isn’t that difficult, surely?

Why do you think the advice will be any different this time?

no benefits, he helps out financially and with childcare, he's not taking his studies very seriously then is he? ANd where is he getting the money from to support his studies and your household?

I think if you are pregnant the best thing would be to give the baby to his poor parents to raise, you know, cut out the middleman, since they are obviously the ones supporting this ridiculous situation.

he's not taking his studies very seriously then is he?

Why's that? I've been a student parent. Managed to take both roles seriously.