Help? AIBU

[Amyxo123]

AIBU - sorry for the long post

So tonight my partner had arranged to go to his friends (30 mins away) to fix his car. He left at 6pm I had made dinner but he was conveniently not hungry! Came home went to the loo - our oldest was napping and gave our youngest (12 weeks) a quick cuddle as she been so unwell and unsettled all day and been non stop crying!

He rushed out the door and said he would be an hour or 2 which I took with a pinch of salt as he's never been a good time keeper... all night I have been pacing the floor with our youngest who has cried all night & my dad came round for 30 mins so I could tidy up. He made digs about how there dad should be in etc. Most nights my partner comes home to his dinner made sits in the loo for 30 mins - lies on the couch with my youngest settled in her bouncer & falls asleep while I'm either tidying up , bathing my oldest or working from home!

I feel so lonely this time round like a single partner tbh & he sees no issue with it 'he needs a social life too' and I have mine ( referring to when I went clubbing before i was pregnant & this was like every 3/4 months) he's goes to his friends or nips out once a week & every second Sunday he goes 4x4 all day.7am - 6pm. He works 6 days a week 7am-6pm & half day Saturday.

I think I let him away with too much i do all the cleaning I ask him to wash the baby bottles at night and take the bins out!

Please help me? I'm at my wits ends & really can't do with the constant arguing

This sounds awfully tiring and unfair for you @Amyxo123 he really should be with his family whenever he can be as he's so busy during the week with work.

Have you suggested half a days 4x4ing on a Sunday? Out all day is completely unreasonable and I'm sure you could do with some time alone on a Sunday to go out for a coffee or mooch around town whilst he spends time with the kids?

I think if he's not willing to make changes, you need to stop cooking his dinner and doing his laundry so he can have a bit of responsibility! Maybe then he'll learn to grow up and be there for you.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like a shit situation, it's awful that it almost always falls on the mother to care for her children 24/7. The children need their dad too.

Maybe if you don't feel capable to talk to him your dad could? He sounds like a sensible man.

Hope you get some rest eventually tonight.

Only reason I suppose I'm annoying is because of how unsettled our youngest has been and I'm just meant to be there but he didn't think twice about not going! After saying he would be 2 hours he was 6 and came back at midnight and my oldest wouldn't go to bed without her dad

@Amyxo123 I'm sorry, he needs to know he's 'meant to be there' too, Is he going to be home tomorrow when your eldest is tired and stroppy as they've not had enough sleep because they couldn't sleep until dad came home?

He needs to realise he has a family and him being out late for long hours impacts your children as much as it impacts you.

He works 6 days a week 7am-6pm & half day Saturday
Sorry for clarity he works 5 full days and a half day? Is that time Inc travel or is travel extra?

So one week he is out Monday - Fri all day Inc one evening, Saturday half day and the next it's Monday - Friday all day Inc one evening, Saturday half day and then out playing Sunday all day? Can he recognise his own kids??

@SleepingStandingUp yeah that's right from today we will have be off 1 Saturday a month due to a new rota being released in his work x

Travel is included @SleepingStandingUp

Maybe he needs to see it written down. - I definitely don't begrudge people hobbies....and I will even make allowances for him being tired. But.... Kids actually need to spend time with dad too. And you need help ... it's not like you aren't doing anything all day. Show him it like a timetable....maybe he could have a 'maternity leave' from the Sundays for a few months.