Another MIL thread

[Ihavealwaysknown]

So we all know Mother’s Day is a while off yet! But for context this will be my first mother’s day as a mum 😊

This evening MIL text DH ‘what are we all doing for mother’s day?’ DH responds that he and DD intended on taking me out for the day and he would either pop over in the morning or if she would like take her out for lunch on the Saturday. He then received a phone call ‘I am your mother, you should be spending the day with me’ DH tries to point out it would be my first mother’s day, DD clearly won’t be able to do a fat lot by herself(!) so he wanted to spend it with us, and again offers to spend the Saturday with her.

Aibu to think MIL is being a bit of a spoilt brat? DH is an only child, he was busy on the Sunday last year so we took her out to lunch before mother’s day and she was perfectly happy with that 🤷🏻‍♀️. I know it’s a comercialised holiday, and in honesty I’d be happy just to spend the day with the 3 of us at home, DH is normally useless with things like this so I’m impressed he’d even realised that maybe it would be nice to do something... I just feel as though MIL is going to now hold it against him/me!!

I think if I was in this situation, I'd do a round robin asking how many of the family on both sides would like to do a big collective mothers day meal out, or at home if theres space for lots, and include grans too, then sunday just the three of you. Could start a new tradition.

This year will be my partners first proper fathers day, we moved in over xmas so hes now officially the stepdad. Im going to try plan something with my parents to spoil him for being a super parent to my kids (one of which he referred to as "my daughter" to someone earlier - I was so touched).

Sorry your mil is being a twatnugget

And how many more years of this do you have to look forward to OP

Your MIL is fishing for drama. I fear for your future because this bullshit isn't going to get any better. By becoming a mother you have eclipsed her, and she can't stand it.

@cstaff 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know, I think this is why we need to get it right this year! I also think in DHs mind this year is the big one, as it’s my first ever... and we haven’t had the easiest ride of parenthood with Dd being prem with a few health issues.

I’m still in a state of shock DH had already thought about doing something, he’s the sort of guy that the hallmark events just bypass. He came home from work on Thursday and asked me if I knew it was Valentine’s Day 😂 and then asked what was for dinner 😂❤️

Tell her you made other arrangements because you assumed she'd be spending the day with her mother.

@everydaymum I'm letting DH deal but will give him that ammo

What has your husband said he's doing then? If u have a good relationship with MIL would u all do something together? Is MIL widowed? My MIL is exactly the same and has a hubby and 3 other children but has an obsession with my DH where she expects to always be put first. Thankfully my DH has put boundaries in so she now knows her place. She shouldn't put ur DH in such a position so No YANBU!

We actually do mothers day a bit differently. My partner always makes sure the kids do something nice for me, but for me the day is about my mum. And for him it's about his.

Could she be wanting you all to spend the day with her to keep you all from your mum? Jealousy often arises when a little one enters the family. Now you have your daughter is she jealous of time spent with your mum?Has she entered herself In 'grandparent wars' basically will she be thinking you are all going to see your mum instead of her?

Parenting children is much harder work than parenting grown children with families of their own! So I say it's your day!

Sounds like she is bitter his priorities have shifted. On the one hand I wouldn't mind shifting any celebration to another day. On the other she will most likely take this as a precedent and expect it every year

If you get on OK could you all do something together, a kids activity and a meal or something or just get her to come along to whatever you're doing?

You're right about the fact that if her mum is still alive, by her logic she should be spending it with her, especially if she is elderly and may not have loads more.

I think it would be nice for him to organise something for his dm, dgm and even your your dd if it suits you all (you can choose to go or not as you might want to have a lie in for Mother's Day) for breakfast or morning tea on Mother's Day.

Or else something on Saturday if the morning doesn't suit.

When will you spend time with your dm and gm? On Saturday or in the morning?

I have to say I am envious of being able to spend time with dms, dmils, and dgms as we have zero family close and have to spend time as just a little family and it's the same as any weekend so I would suggest working out a way to spend time and treat all the dms of the family in some way.

YANBU

I came on to post what everydaymum said

DS and his DP haven't had DC yet but I would totally expect to take a back seat and for her to be his priority and focus if/when that happens. Your MIL is being selfish - sounds like she has form.

But yeah, if that's how it goes, she will be busy with her own DM won't she?