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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling resentful towards him

14 replies

jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 18:29

Oh my... someone please talk some sense into me, I'm an absolute wreck right now :(. Basically long story short, me and DP broke up about 4 years ago because he had cheated, it was an emotional affair as he says but the woman's messages states clearly that they had sex. He says they haven't and that he wanted to but she is also a Jehovah's Witness so she couldn't as that would be going against her religion. We got back together end of 2017 and talked through this all and he has always seemed genuinely sorry about this and I could see how much it had hurt him that he has done this. I do understand that he was young and stupid then and that he has matured and grown into a man now. I know he has no interest in anyone else but me and he loves me dearly and I know he would never do anything like that again. Today I was on his laptop, on his outlook which has an excel feature where we keep our e-budget which I need to have a look at. I must have accidentally clicked on the pictures feature on outlook while searching for excel and I have found all the nudes from This girl and others from before, during and after we were together the last time. I also disgustingly saw a picture of his POV sat on her ass(she was only wearing a thong), this was a few months after we split up. I am heartbroken, devastated. Why did I even bother wanting to do the budget 😞😞 I confronted him about it and he said he genuinely had no idea they were there. I then realised that this was a list of all the images sent to and from his email address so he wouldn't have known. Obviously nothing since we got back together, not even long before. AIBU to be devastated or am I just being over sensitive for no reason considering this was a long time ago? I'm feeling so resentful towards him, I can't even look at him. I'm in bed with the door closed and he's in the living room, I have asked him to sleep on the sofa. What do I do?

OP posts:
jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 18:31

He also told me he hasn't met up with her while we we together and when we got back together he said that he hasn't met her in person since high school and it was just a fling over messages. The pictures show me differently.

OP posts:
Abacab · 15/02/2019 18:54

So basically these are pictures that she emailed him during the time they were having the affair? And he claims he never read the emails?

And he says he didn't have sex with her but her messages suggest she did, and now you've found a picture of them together where he's sitting on top of her and she's only wearing a thong?

Is that right?

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/02/2019 18:55

Well, he’s a complete liar, that much is clear.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2019 18:57

Abacab, I think the photos downloaded as he looked at them.

jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 18:57

@Abacab no sorry I didn't explain properly. He saved the pictures she sent him plus the pictures he took of her while in bed and sent them to himself on email. Probably so he doesn't lose them? 😞 the emails are from before, during and after we were together last time.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/02/2019 18:58

So he was continuing to see her after you got back together?

jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 19:01

@HollowTalk no he's seen her after we split up 4 years ago, which is where the photos in bed come from. But apparently he never saw her while we were together 4 years ago? He says it was only over messages that he cheated. She sent him nudes, pictures, he told her he loved her and they properly had a relationship but apparently was only over text? I found out when she messaged me and said what was happening, she also sent screenshots of their conversations.

OP posts:
jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 19:02

When we got back together their relationship has ended about a year before that apparently. Which I believe as she is now married and I have seen no signs or evidence of conversation or anything since we got back together

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 15/02/2019 19:03

You know he’s lying. She told you they had sex. Of course he’s going to lie and say it was just messages Hmm

Why did you get back with this person who betrayed you?

jess24x8 · 15/02/2019 19:05

@AtrociousCircumstance because I genuinely do believe he has changed. I also always used to think he was the one for me. Regardless of the past.

OP posts:
Abacab · 15/02/2019 19:06

OK so he took nude photos of her then emailed them to himself? He didn't delete the emails after the affair and now you've accidentally found them?

I mean I don't know the guy, but if someone isn't having sex with you, they wouldn't normally allow you to take nude photos of them.

My suspicion would be that they were having a sexual relationship - especially if this is what the messages from the woman herself suggest.

thefirst48 · 15/02/2019 19:07

Only you know if he has changed as a person but can you ever really trust him again. An emotional affair is worse in my opinion because there is actual feelings there.

LuluBellaBlue · 15/02/2019 19:09

But the photos prove that they did have sex as there’s a photo of him and her together correct?
If that’s the case, I would be furious as you had believed and trusted him and moved on, thinking you knew the truth and what happened, however have now found out it was a load of bull?
If that’s correct then you have every right to be furious and to finish it, if that’s what you want.
I’m so sorry, this must be bloody horrible for you Flowers

Bussells · 15/02/2019 19:10

You ‘know’ he’d never do it again? I have a lot of sympathy for you, all this is awful for you, but I think you are very naive to believe this. He won’t change.

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