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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I bonkers to be upset

24 replies

Klmn · 15/02/2019 17:57

AIBU to be hurt by my so-called closest friend who tells me things that our group of friends have said about me. All unfavourable and based on their point of view. I should have asked her not to tell me these things as it upsets me, but I always forgot until it was too late, & once said I am so shocked I can’t think of a retort. I think I’m going mad!

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 15/02/2019 18:02

My daughter had this, and was upset.
She was 9 at the time though.
This woman isn’t your friend.
My daughter later found out that it was the friend stirring up the others to say mean things, too.

Don’t just tell her not to report these things to you - tell her to just fuck off, permanently.

Or just quietly withdraw from this “friendship”.

glamorousgrandmother · 15/02/2019 18:03

What Ellisandra said.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/02/2019 18:29

Why did she tell you?

ThreeAnkleBiters · 15/02/2019 18:31

What did she tell you and what was her reason? I could kind of understand her putting you on your guard if she thinks these people aren't genuine friends but I wonder if she even stood up for you or is she just stirring?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2019 18:33

This "friend" of yours is a viper in the grass. Cut her loose immediately.

Rosered341 · 15/02/2019 18:34

It’s shit stirring. As what Ellisandra* said this person is not your friend.

redzebra10 · 15/02/2019 18:37

i think she's shit stirring
she's telling them that you have said something horrible about them so they then say something horrible about you and all the time she's in the middle being everyones friend.
i'd give her a wide birth if i was you she is no friend

PlayerRed · 15/02/2019 18:43

Is she telling you for you're sake 9r just stirring shit?

YellowLilies · 15/02/2019 18:45

Need more information.
What was it that the others were saying about you?
Did she tell you once or several times?
Did she ask if you wanted to know?

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/02/2019 18:46

You need new friends.

EatingElephantsIsCF · 15/02/2019 18:48

Agree. Time for new friends.

Original poster

Klmn · 15/02/2019 18:49

Thank you so much for your thoughts, I was really doubting myself and going a bit mad with it going round and round in my head. I withdrew from the group a while ago, too toxic, but thought my friend was loyal to me!! Thanks again.

OP posts:

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 15/02/2019 18:49

Just this ...

Habadabadoo · 15/02/2019 18:53

@Willyoubuymeahouseofgold
OR:

'Don't tell me what they said about me.
Tell me how you stuck up for me with all your heart and told them to fuck off'

Original poster

Klmn · 15/02/2019 22:39

“How did you stick up for me with all your heart and told them to fuck of! “ Oh how I wish I’d thought of saying that!!

The group is all strong women, a power struggle going on, so I sit quietly and listen, they say I am aloof and distant, among other things, when I try to contribute I am spoken over, i sound rather wet.

OP posts:

Habadabadoo · 15/02/2019 23:44

Klmn life is far too short - step away from these pretenders. Don't take it personally. They are just not your people. They are drains, not radiators.

Lovingbenidorm · 15/02/2019 23:48

There’s a name for people that tell you what others have said about you
And it ain’t friend

YouTheCat · 15/02/2019 23:53

Ditch her. She's a twat.

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2019 23:56

Get rid. She’s an adult and should know better how to be tactful, you aren’t all at school.

cleanasawhistle · 15/02/2019 23:56

I would stick up for my friend but I would never tell her what had been said because I wouldn't want to upset her.....saying that if it was someone my friend was helping out and was totally being used by someone who was slagging her off then I would have to do something about it......

I know this about someone else but its not happening to a friend so feel I can't get involved

Original poster

Klmn · 16/02/2019 00:54

Thank you ladies, really helpful feedback.

OP posts:

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 16/02/2019 01:37

I dont think theyre the right friend group for you. Its never too late to ditch people and find new ones.

Go find the Meet Up app and download it. Theres so many kinds of groups for all kimds of hobbies etc. Thats whay i did last year and i wouldnt be without my new friend group

Rockmysocks · 16/02/2019 06:32

Dump like toxic waste.

Happygolucky009 · 16/02/2019 06:37

I suspect your friend is toxic but wants to pull you back into the group dynamic..... Mostly so they can talk over you with a sense is self importance and the focus is at your cost. Quietly withdraw and find some new friends who see your personality in a positive light.

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