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Original poster

Please help I feel like a rubbish mum

40 replies

ImARubbishMum · 15/02/2019 17:56

My DS (7) was playing football with his friends after school and when I explained we needed to go home he had a MASSIVE meltdown and refused. We were in a hurry to get to an appointment, so I picked him up (as he wasn't budging) and he struggled to get free, so I clung on to him. He was screaming and kicking and having a massive tantrum.

A. I feel awful for holding him - do other people hold their 7 year olds? Or is he too old (I felt weird about it while I was doing it and thought people might see it as abusive??? Is it?) I haven't needed to hold him since he was about 4, so maybe I did the wrong thing? When I let him go he ran off, so then I threatened no tablet time and eventually he came back to me and we were able to go (although he walked along kicking me and screaming at me Sad til we got to the car, where he miraculously calmed right down)

B. I feel like all the other mum's were looking at me and thinking 'oh my God, she's a crap mum and her son is a nightmare' (he's really not normally Sad so I feel he's been unfairly judged)

C. I feel really embarrassed about the whole thing :( I'm super super shy (ridiculous at my age I know) and parents that I like, and would like to like me, were all watching Blush

D. I just feel like I handled the whole thing wrong :( But worse still, I don't know what I should have done Sad

(This is probably really outing, as if you were a parent at the football today, you'd know who we are! If you do know who I am - then I'm super sorry for my uselessness today - I am not normally such a bad mum Sad and DS is honestly a good kid (please dont judge him)

OP posts:
theWarOnPeace · 15/02/2019 19:00

I would have been silently applauding you for just getting it done. I have more judgement for parents who whine and plead with their children, and give the impression that their children are little dictators that they must appease at all costs. I might have picked up too, and if one of mine kicked me I would have totally lost it and given them a right mouthful in the car. I don’t see that you did anything wrong.

kitkatsky · 15/02/2019 19:04

People who question their parenting are v rarely shit parents! I don't think I could pick up my 7yo- I'm v short and she's tall, but I can usually convince her to change her tune with a look

babybabybaby1 · 15/02/2019 19:08

To me, 7 is too old to be having any sort of tantrum like that, that's something my 3 year old is growing out of

babybabybaby1 · 15/02/2019 19:10

Also we all feel that way, that other parents are judging us. They probably just thought 'thank Christ that's not me right now but have all the sympathy in the world'

sparkling123 · 15/02/2019 19:27

Would only be thinking 'well done' if I'd been there.

MostlyBoastly · 15/02/2019 19:29

Yeah I get that Worra and I didn’t think so either until OP said she recognised that she overeacted because she was embarrassed.

Yabbers · 15/02/2019 19:56

Some of them would have been judging. Some of them would be smug. The vast majority were just glad it wasn’t their kid kicking off.

It doesn’t matter what any of them think, if you felt it was the best way to deal with it, you did the right think.

The little blighters love to test our patience.

Yabbers · 15/02/2019 19:56

*thing.

Wearywithteens · 15/02/2019 20:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SmarmyMrMime · 15/02/2019 20:10

I have an 8yo who melts down (now at the stage of suspecting SN for various reasons). He does end up being frog-marched with a firm grip when it occurs in public, usually to get him somewhere quiter or somewhere like the car or home it it's close. It's not nice (particularly if he's screaming that I'm hurting him when it is just a firm grip), but he can't be left to thrash it out in situ. He has to go somewhere safe and quiet. At home, I can still firemans lift him to his bedroom (I'm small, but tougher than look. Good job he's a twiglet!)

If I saw someone else in that situation I'd smile empathetically. It's nice to know it's not just my kid!

It's also nice to see parents being decisive. Longwinded pleading and prolonged persuasion are not my favourite parenting technique (there is room for consultation and closed choices but it can be taken far too far...)

Notwiththeseknees · 15/02/2019 20:13

Apologise GrinGrinGrin

FascinatingCarrot · 15/02/2019 20:17

You did fine lovey. I bet other parents were also thinking 'nice one, she's not having any of that!'
Dont be worrying youre a bad mother, you took control and thats what a parent does. He wont be trying that one again.
Now have a Wine

Cupoftchaiagain · 15/02/2019 20:21

Hi OP you are not alone, I have a very strong willed 6yr old too... I have a thread currently in parenting where some people have shared some good advice /ideas.

Cupoftchaiagain · 15/02/2019 20:23

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3507568-6-year-old-dd-help

babydreamer1 · 15/02/2019 20:28

Nope, I'd think you were a wonderful mum for just picking him up and getting on with what you had to do.
All kids have paddys now and again, it's no big deal.
You do need to address the kicking though, there's no excuse for that.

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