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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School club fairness

34 replies

Mumsjc2013 · 15/02/2019 16:04

So I’m looking for some opinions as I’m not sure how I feel about this.

A list of clubs went out at my DS school - all apart from ballet are for year 1 and up (he is in reception) which is fine. I would like him to do football but starting in year 1 was fine with me.

I am, however, on the dreaded Facebook parents page. Gradually I started noticing the odd comment about children doing football club - ‘what do they need’, ‘do any other parents watch’ etc.

Obviously, a little bemused, I contacted the school office to confirm what year group football club was for. After waiting over a day for a response I was told “the football is run by an outside group and the person in charge may have made some exceptions to allow some reception children join”. The club is not advertised at the school in this way.

Is this not unfair? I thought schools subscribe to equal opportunities and I feel this is unacceptable.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 15/02/2019 16:09

That’s really not what Equal Opportunities means.

It’s annoying if there were YR places and you missed out because you understandably didn’t ask. But have you just asked now, if he can be added? It’s a private company, if they have space, they’ll take him.

If not, he’s only 4 or 5 and there’s only a term and a half left - it’s noy worth getting wound up about.

What’s dreaded about a parent fb page? Ours is really handy. As is yours it seems, alerting you to this.

Whatweretheythinking · 15/02/2019 16:09

I was once told my children didn't get a space at school because I don't work. Urm yes I do did you just think I didn't like collecting my children!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 15/02/2019 16:11

The club is not advertised at the school in this way. your words.

So what do you expect the school to do about an external organisation? it has rules and regulations, it may choose to accept larger, or more mature children ahead of their year group peers? Do not be THAT parent that spoils it for everyone else.

So what you actually want to do is monitor everyones chat in the FB school group, not to talk about external things? Oh you are THAT parent.

I tell you what would be a novel idea - contact the football organiser and ASK on what grounds they consider younger children.

RoryLeighGilmore · 15/02/2019 16:12

Why can't he do ballet instead if you want him to do a class?

Ellisandra · 15/02/2019 16:15

Oh god, I’ve just re-read your OP:

“after waiting over a day for a response”

Grin

OP, YABVVVU to emphasise that it took more than a day for a school - whose purpose is, well, education - to reply about a third party extra curricular club. Come on!

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 15/02/2019 16:16

That's annoying. Obviously there will always be children that can't get a space at a club but it's unfair to suddenly have spaces but not give everyone the chance to apply.

Clubs at my dcs old primary were highly in demand. Parents used to grab the letter from the dcs as they came out of school, fill it in quick and hand it straight into the office, otherwise they had no chance!

woolduvet · 15/02/2019 16:17

Is it ch with older siblings?

Original poster
Mumsjc2013 · 15/02/2019 16:25

This is the first time I’ve posted on mumsnet and never again. I’m already struggling as a parent and just wanted support. I now feel at my lowest ebb so thanks.
I have no problem with him doing ballet - he doesn’t want to.
I have no problem waiting until year 1 - I’m not going to spoil it for others.
My point was if I wasn’t on fb I would know nothing about this. Simple as that.
The only way to apply for the club was on the school club form (which is what I meant by it wasn’t advertised as an outside agency).

OP posts:
Maldives2006 · 15/02/2019 16:26

Maybe he wants to play football and doesn’t want to do balletHmm

fezzesarecool · 15/02/2019 16:29

If you feel at your lowest ebb from just because of this thread I hope that there is someone you can ask for support in RL

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 15/02/2019 16:31

Go to an external football club - mini soccer - there are thousands of them up and down the country.

TBH Im not even sure what you are complaining about.

PCohle · 15/02/2019 16:31

It's annoying but it's got nothing to do with equal opportunities.

Unfortunately you will learn as your kids get older that a lot of schools seem to assume parents will just magically know things ("oh yes the kids always dress up for world book day, didn't you realise?"). FB groups and speaking to parents with older kids is often a good way of getting the inside track.

AIBU is a fairly "robust" board on mumsnet. It's maybe not the best place to post if you're not feeling up for a bit of constructive criticism and being told that you are, in fact, being unreasonable.

Coconut0il · 15/02/2019 16:33

I agree that if a club is advertised as Y1 and up, it should be for Year 1 and up.
If Reception places became available a letter should have come home.
I work in a school, we use an outside provider for football club but we still make sure it's fair.

hopeishere · 15/02/2019 16:34

It's annoying but there are always parents who push and get the "rules" bent. Now you know you can be that person too.

BertrandRussell · 15/02/2019 16:36

“I’m already struggling as a parent and just wanted support. I now feel at my lowest ebb so thanks.”

I am sorry to hear that- do you have any real life support?

I have to say that there were several points in your OP that put my hackles up- but I am sorry that you felt got at. Sad

EyeOfTheTigger · 15/02/2019 16:40

OP, don't give up on posting. Just don't use the AIBU board unless you're prepared to get a real slating when you least expect it. It can be a tough crowd here!

Give the outside club a ring and see if there are any Reception places left, or get DSs name put on the waiting list when one becomes free.

BejamNostalgia · 15/02/2019 16:40

Ask the school if he can also be an exception.

My DS school also does this, they advertise for the most appropriate age group, but if there are spare spaces and children from other years want to try, they’re open to that.

It’s no real biggie and is really just a matter of knowing that the age groups aren’t set in stone which obviously reception parents have to find out themselves somehow.

Just ask, it’s probably just a weird quirk of their system rather than designed to exclude anybody, don’t worry about it too much. It’s definitely not personal anyway.

NoSquirrels · 15/02/2019 16:47

The good thing about parent FB groups is that if you see this sort of thing - something you weren't aware of - you can legitimately just post a comment going "I didn't realise football was open to Reception - did I miss something?" and then the parents in question would probably have let you know themselves that they'd take the initiative and asked the club to let their DC join early.

It's not really school's call, from that POV - the external provider says it is 6+ (or Year 1) so they advertise it as such. Then parents (possibly those already in the know from older siblings) go away and ask independently.

Use the FB group to your advantage, OP!

youarenotkiddingme · 15/02/2019 16:53

Don't give up here. We aren't all heartless.

I'd be annoyed as well if my ds missed out on something because I acted on the information provided.
I think it's always unfair some kids get more because parents ask for special treatment/ are in PTA/ parents uses CM etc

Clear boundaries make everyone's life easier and make everything more inclusive.

punishmepunisher · 15/02/2019 16:58

Presumably if it's run by an outside group the school are not in charge of who can or can't join? Why don't you contact the club and ask?

ThreeAnkleBiters · 15/02/2019 17:02

Awww don't worry OP, AIBU is a bit of a bear pit.

It's stressful when you have a child first in school once your children get older you start realising all of the little issues you were concerned about weren't really big deals and can be unsympathetic to people dealing with YR problems!

It is a pain that some people managed to get into the club and others haven't but I really wouldn't worry. If DS is desperate to do football he can find an out of school one, if not he can do it with his friends next year. No biggie.

caughtinanet · 15/02/2019 17:08

Why can't he do ballet instead if you want him to do a class?

She didn't say she wanted him to do a class, she said she wanted him to do football, what's wrong with that?

LetsSplashMummy · 15/02/2019 17:09

I think you are being quite unreasonable. The clubs are probably PTA, volunteer run, so waiting a day is not so bad.

Our school has the same, but football is more informal, no limit on numbers and parents watching, so YR kids tagging along to watch siblings would be able to just join in. Not a big deal.

If you make friends with people and get involved with the school, helping out, you will learn these things and learn not to take it personally.

Fruitloopcowabunga · 15/02/2019 17:14

You're right, it's unfair. We experienced something similar with DS wanting to try various music lessons, oh it's fully booked, oh that one's by invitation only, oh not enough interest in that instrument. We hated it but let it go - I wish now I hadn't been so timid. I think you would be right to raise it, schools get away with this nonsense because parents are often shy of making a fuss.

Witchend · 15/02/2019 17:19

What sometimes happens is that a club may say year 1 and up and then may take year R for various reasons:

They know the child who has done a younger group and know they cope
They know the child because of siblings and know they cope
They say year 1 and up, but will take 5yos
They didn't have the take up from older ones so have had to lower the age to meet numbers
Some parents approached and asked nicely
Some parents didn't read the letter properly and they didn't think of checking
Some parents knew they were too young and put their name down anyway knowing it wouldn't be checked.

It's nothing to do with equal opportunities, so you won't get any support that way.
Really, save your energy for other issues. This one is a pretty minor one as he can always go to one outside the school if he's really keen.