Grieving

[sigma15]

My much loved Mom passed away January I am finding it very hard to cope.
I have what I thought was a very good friend that I have known for over 20 years she knew my Mom very well.
However she was on holiday when Moms funeral was taking place as it was pre booked. However when she got back two days after it was as though nothing had happened and she was calling to make arrangements to go out called me to ask how I was and then interrupted me to tell me how she was quitting her job and having 6 months off. I told her that at the moment I didn’t feel much like going out and that to give me some time and I will call her when I’m ready I said that I just needed some time on my own and would call her when I’m ready she then kept calling me 3 times a day ignoring what I had said trying to make arrangements to go out I spoke to her again asking her to let me call her when I was ready and she got very nasty and told me to stop wallowing I am very upset and angry I thought she was a good friend but it seems to have turn3d around to all about her.

I'm so sorry for your loss sigma. It's also very early days, be really kind to yourself. Sadly you often never realise which friends will come up trumps and who will let you down in shockingly insensitive ways until something of this magnitude happens. Lots of people struggle to know how to respond to a friend in real pain - particularly if they haven't been through it themselves, and unfortunately the approach sometimes taken is to pretend it isn't really going on, even though this is an emotionally immature and crass way of behaving. In my experience, there have usually been signs or other character traits that you are already aware of with people that sort of fit with this, it's just when it is on this scale they are hugely magnified and experienced especially hurtfully. Bereavement brings up loads of things - like finding out which friends are brilliant in these circumstances and which are crap - quite apart from the grief itself, and all of these things add to the maelstrom of pain, confusion and the 'life-changing' nature of what you are going through. Do not take it personally, it says far more about her than you in any way, focus on reaching out when you are ready to those people around you who can support you sensitively and give you what you need, and when the dust has settled a bit more and you have some distance from your friend's behaviour you can work out what you want to do long-term, if anything, with the friendship. Stick to what you are already saying to your friend - if you aren't ready to be out and about then don't push yourself. Keep an eye on yourself longer-term though, a long period of ups and downs in terms of how your are feeling is very, very normal, but if there are very few ups and it's consistently downs, and you don't notice yourself feeling even slightly more robust as 2019 goes on then I would seek some professional support. Good luck, you will get through this period, as devastating as it is.

Thank you yes on reflection there have been other times when she has behaved selfishly. Sonetime I just that I was being over sensitive so thank you for your reply it has helped.