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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dating DD's teacher?

26 replies

Frazzels · 14/02/2019 22:08

So I met this man online, realised we live really close by to each other. Over the course of about a week we messaged in our spare time, agreed to go on a date that weekend. To keep it simple it went really well, we got on and clicked straight away. I knew he's a teacher but we came onto the topic in more detail, he mentioned what school he taught at and of course this is the secondary school DD goes to. He does teach DD but isn't her main teacher for the lesson, he teaches her about once a week. We've been on two dates since then, it's going really well. I'm obviously going to wait to tell DD but if we do get to that point is she going to be absolutely mortified? Is this a terrible idea?

OP posts:
Lellikelly26 · 14/02/2019 22:11

No one at her school needs to know so I can’t see the problem. In all likelihood she will find it difficult to accept any new partner as many kids and adult children do when a parent meets someone new. My SIL went bonkers when MIL met someone new and SIL was in her 50s then!!!
Enjoy your new relationship

LittleMe03 · 14/02/2019 22:12

Sorry no advice... but it is a small world isn't it Grin

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 14/02/2019 22:13

How old is she? If she's near school leaving age it's not so bad. But what if things go wrong between you and it gets awkward at parents evening etc?

ChangingStates · 14/02/2019 22:14

Long way to go before she has any need to know, so just enjoy it and cross that bridge if / when it comes to it!

Reallyevilmuffin · 14/02/2019 22:15

Quite realistic he won't be by September, they often change them around. Different to the primary teacher - go for it!

Original poster
Frazzels · 14/02/2019 22:20

She's in year 9 so a bit to go

OP posts:
LuckyLou7 · 14/02/2019 22:34

I wouldn't worry about it. It's early days and although it's going well now, a few months down the line you might change your mind.

AlpacaLypse · 14/02/2019 22:34

Unless its your child's form tutor (and sounds like it isn't) go for it.

admission · 14/02/2019 22:39

The issue is as much for him, in that he will need to be open with the school if the romance blossoms but in the meantime enjoy. I would choice when you tell your daughter with care but it would be better to tell before she finds out from somebody else. It can only be a matter of time before somebody sees you out with him.

caringcarer · 14/02/2019 23:08

I would say absolutely nothing to dd and wait and see as he may not teach her come September. Also by then you will know if it is likely to become serious or not.

SadOtter · 14/02/2019 23:09

Does she like the teacher? If he's a teacher she likes it'll be easier to swallow than if its one she hates.

C0untDucku1a · 14/02/2019 23:16

He can usually make sure he doesnt teach her next year.

MadCatEnthusiast · 14/02/2019 23:22

I think, if he teaches her now, Parents Evening would probably make you use your best poker face. Wink I don't think it would be a big deal right now unless you get serious. Then, the dynamics would change and he'd probably have to not take her class, if he does end up still teaching her, or your DD would have to be mature about it

Lovingbenidorm · 14/02/2019 23:26

Your daughter will curl up like a crisp packet under a grill

SayMehToTheDress · 14/02/2019 23:33

Sorry I think it's a bad idea and I would stop it now before any feelings develop. My kids would indeed be mortified, as would I have been at that age. I wouldn't risk it as it could affect your daughters education.

Loanhelp · 14/02/2019 23:37

Eh, I don't see the problem. My dad married one of my best friends so maybe I'm less squeamish than some, but he was always honest with me and that was the crux of it.

CallMeRachel · 14/02/2019 23:41

Keep it under wraps for as long as you can.

If it get out his life at school could be made a misery as well as your dd being ribbed about it.

I wouldn't mention where he works to anyone tbh.

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 23:42

Don’t see how it will affect her education. There are children being taught by their own parents, never mind a potential step dad. Unless you think he’s the type to turn mean if your relationship fails.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/02/2019 23:58

I think YABabitU. It’s only going to complicate her school life which, in year 9, is most of her life. You’re kind of intruding into her space and she would NBU to find that a bit disrespectful and an imposition.

I’m sure everyone will manage if you do keep seeing him, but YANBU very considerate of your DD.

Flipflop789 · 15/02/2019 00:02

I just thought of the Inbetweeners when the awful headteacher starts seeing the boys mum and is trying to wind him up Grin im sure yours will be fine tho!

PBobs · 15/02/2019 00:04

We've had this or similar happen at our school a few times - two ending in happy and successful marriages. Nobody batted an eyelid. You're adults. I don't see the issue. Yes - bit awkward for your DD but not so awful in the grand scheme of awkward things a parent can do to embarrass their child.

GroundhogWeek · 15/02/2019 00:06

Does she know you’re anyone dating at all?

GroundhogWeek · 15/02/2019 00:08

Or rather dating anyone..

Justaboy · 15/02/2019 00:39

Hope it all works out and you find happiness:) too bad re the DD why really should that be a problem or do no parernts in the land have signifant others who teach, and one of their offsping is taught by said teacher?, happened at my school no one thought ill of it!.

PenguinPandas · 15/02/2019 00:48

My DD was trying to get me to date her primary school teacher, told her I didn't think her Dad, my husband, would be happy about that plus it was inappropriate. She told me its fine Mummy you can have a boyfriend and a husband, you just can't marry them both. 😱 Secondary school teacher think is OK assuming you are both single 😎