Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women are fucked over with contraception

86 replies

Nuphonewhodis · 14/02/2019 19:19

So I've only ever used condoms as I've only really had sporadic sex. However, I've started getting serious with a new man and I really need a more reliable form of contraception (as well as condoms).

However, I've been researching different contraceptions and every single one seems to have a risk of some really shit side effects!

Acne, weight gain, more painful periods!
I'm so jealous of how easy men have it I'm this regard!

So does anyone have any recommendations for a contraception that isn't likely to give me acne, make me gain weight or make my already very painful peropds worse?! Aka the holy grail

OP posts:
nbartist · 15/02/2019 03:34

I'm on depo provera at the moment and despite a lot of horror stories, it's worked out really well for me. Firstly, I'm autistic and have a sensory processing disorder, which pretty much rules out the coil because of the placement process and the pill because I can't swallow tablets. I started contraception not specifically as a contraceptive- I'm gay- but instead because I have anxiety and dermatitis which both flared up pretty severely with every period. I would have one week before my period where my skin would start to dry out and I'd be feeling a bit more anxious, the week of my period when I was constant pain because of my skin, lightheaded from cramps and also suffering from anxiety attacks, and then it would take a third week for everything to settle down again. It took about four shots before it completely stopped my period but in the meantime I had light spotting around the right part of my cycle for it to be considered a very small period but the symptoms that bothered me were unnoticeable even during the spotting.

I've only had a couple of issues with it and neither are definitively linked to the depo shot itself. The first was a severe infection from when a nurse gave me the injection into an already-infected patch of skin, and the second is mild weight gain. The weight gain is what bothers me the most, but I've been taking measures to walk more and eat a little better to make sure that even if I'm not the thinnest, I'm relatively healthy. There's an equal chance of that being linked to my antidepressants as it is to my contraceptive, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

DaisyDreaming · 15/02/2019 04:36

I was reading about a contraceptive sponge which when activated had spermicide in. Has anyone know anything about it? Currently single but would love to find a second form alongside condoms which isn’t hormonal

KipperTheFrog · 15/02/2019 06:21

The pill gave me depression. The mirena almost fell out. The copper coil made my usually light periods unbearably heavy.
We successfully used fertility awareness for 2 years. Condoms pre fertile phase,abstain during fertile phase then nothing after.
After each pregnancy we just used condoms the whole time. (Both pregnancies planned.
DH has now had a vasectomy.
It sucks that the contraceptive burden is on women when we're only fertile a few days a month. I know the pregnancy affects us, but men should have options too.

MemorialBeach · 15/02/2019 07:00

To the PP who wanted a cap and found they weren't really a thing anymore, you can still get them. I don't know if you can get them on then NHS (I haven't tried to get one) , but you can get one called Femcap online, for around £50.

TeaForDad · 15/02/2019 08:24

How do men "have it easy in this regard?"

We've never got on with the pill and have used condoms for 10 years. I've now had the snip as it's the lowest risk, simplest way for us now we have our kids.

I wish there was a better female pill, or a good male one, but looked you say for sporadic sex/ partners condoms are the only option

FleurNancy · 15/02/2019 08:27

The Mirena made me bleed almost constantly for the first 6 months. Just as I was getting fed up and about to go back and demand it was taken out it stopped and I've had 1 small bleed in 18 months.

Greywalls12 · 15/02/2019 08:35

Natural cycles and diaphram with spermicide!
I tried the implant in my teens, was bleeding every two weeks for a week for the whole three years.
The pill worked well for me for a while but then i started getting awful migraines with aura so I can't take that anymore, but i haven't had a migraine since i stopped it.
The sexual health centre was really trying to push me for a copper coil, but me and DH wanted to try and conceive in the next few months so I didn't see the point in having it, although they still tried to push this on me when I told them why!
So I used a diaphram and spermicide until we were really to TTC, and avoided sex on my fertile days, although I didn't try very hard on this and we quite often did have sex on my fertile days!
Worked really well and I then didn't have to wait to TTC cause i didn't have any hormones in me!

Seline · 15/02/2019 08:39

How do men "have it easy in this regard?"

You don't have to deal with the side effects of contraception, pregnancy or an abortion.

WarIsPeace · 15/02/2019 08:51

How do men "have it easy in this regard?"

Are you kidding me? Or just hard of thinking?

Women's options all have risks and side effects, not to mention the risk of pregnancy to the woman if they fail. Including blood clots strokes and death.

Potential risk from condoms? Latex allergy perhaps, slightly reduced sensation.

So take your ' poor men ' and shove it where it won't get anyone pregnant

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 08:52

men are not groomed from an early age to accept decades-long medication with some dire side effects and general fucking around with their hormones as the 'norm'.

Seline · 15/02/2019 09:01

If I get pregnant again I could literally die due to having rare complications that may reoccur. Not quite the same as men not liking condoms.

Badwifey · 15/02/2019 09:01

I just went back on the pill after years of being off it. My periods were getting really heavy and causing iron deficiency which lead to exhaustion.

Emotionally it isn't affecting me as it did years ago but it has completely killed my sex drive. My DH has a lower sex drive than me anyway so I suppose it'll do.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 15/02/2019 09:03

Men have it easy because we allow it, he can stay in condoms of have a vasectomy if he wishes

ToffeePennie · 15/02/2019 09:04

I have similar problems! I can’t take hormonal contraception because it turns me into a psycho. I can’t cope with the coil and I can’t deal with spermicides (my entire vagina and vulva have massive reactions). Condoms are ok ish. But my husband is now under strict instructions to get snipped.

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 09:05

I also have a friend who could die if she became pregnant. But her DH doesn't like condoms and won't get the snip. So they don't have PIV sex.

HappyGoLuckyGo · 15/02/2019 09:10

OP, YANBU.

I don’t have any useful advice re choice of contraception because currently we don’t use any. I don’t want a baby, but I got such utter rage when I restarted the minipill after my baby’s birth and had 3 periods in one month. Came off it and remain, frankly, angry. So so fed up with being poked, prodded, sliced up (c section then tried the implant briefly but it didn’t agree with me), mood swings, bleeding, arghhh. All because I’m a woman!

Eventually I’ll calm down and probably try the minipill again, or we’ll have another baby.

Purplejay · 15/02/2019 09:10

I went on the pil in my late teens through most of my 20’s. It was great. Periods which were heavy painful and lasted a week then lasted 4 days and were much note manageable.

I went on the mini pill 2-3 years ago in my early 40’s after my periods became horrendous. It is fantastic. I now have no periods. I love it!

I haven’t gained weight with either pill and they have only helped - in my case massively.

I think it’s wonderful we have contraceptive choices tbh.

I have friends who say very positive things about the coil but also some it didn’t suit and I didn’t fancy it.

Seline · 15/02/2019 09:10

River that's really unfair of him!

I wanted my tubes typing but I'm too young at 25 apparently. I have three kids already and don't want to risk leaving them without a mother. I nearly died giving birth (didn't know prior to my last pregnancy) and my eldest son is deeply upset by this (we didn't tell him but kids aren't stupid and he keeps asking if I'm going to leave him).

Keep getting told but what if I change my mind or get divorced and my new partner wants kids. Doesn't seem to bother anyone that I could literally die... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Babdoc · 15/02/2019 09:10

May I just offer a word of caution to PPs promoting the “Natural Cycles” app as a contraceptive.
It’s a Swedish company which was forced to drop its advertising claim of being an effective contraceptive after 37 abortions had to be performed on its users by Swedish gynaecologists, who raised a legal case against it.

The truth is, there is no perfect method of birth control. The human female body has evolved to get pregnant as easily and frequently as possible, and this is so crucial to species survival that it’s difficult to circumvent hormonally without many side effects!
OP, you need to discuss your available options at a family planning clinic or with your GP. It’s very much down to personal preference which of the available methods you choose, and how high a failure rate you’re prepared to tolerate. As you say your cycle is very irregular, you’re unlikely to be a good candidate for any of the “natural” methods.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 15/02/2019 09:23

Kyleena (like the Mirena) but less hormones

happymummy12345 · 15/02/2019 12:00

I've only ever been on the combined pill. Was on regividon (sp?) from when I was 16 until we started ttc. After giving birth I went back on it at the 6 week check. It no longer agreed with me, so I switched to microgynon. I've had no problems at all. I swear by the pill.
I've never had any other form or contraception and hope I never need to change. Also I've never ever used condoms and never ever would.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 15/02/2019 19:54

I've got the copper coil in. Haven't had any issues. They can be in for up to 10 years I think.

dontforgetbilly · 15/02/2019 20:12

Might be getting even worse. A CCG is considering not offering vasectomies on the NHS.

Although fine with hormonal contraception pre children I couldn't handle any I tried after them. Weight, spots, constant bleeding were the side effects which I could live with but the irrational anger I constantly felt was ruining our family life. My husband insisted it was now time for him to take responsibility on the contraception front- I'm not sure what we would have done if this wasn't possible on the NHS

NannyRed · 15/02/2019 20:16

Dear OP, You have issues with women suffering because of spots, dvt, bp , weight gain, etc. You do realise that you can let him take full control, he can suffer all side effects but you are left wondering if he has properly took control.

whitehousemum · 15/02/2019 20:29

I'm struggling with this too. I was on the pill for several years but it killed my sex drive and I think contributed to making me me insulin resistant I have pcos). Came off it to have a baby, which took 3 years. In the meantime after that baby we used condoms but had an accident with one quite quickly - no pregnancy from that but made me worried. Now we are trying again, I've lost a lot of weight since first getting pregnant with my toddler and my periods are regularish again (still breastfeeding the toddler), I'm considering trying fertility awareness methods after next baby (if we manage to have one!) with the view that a third wouldn't be the end of the world but I know that actually it can be tricky to get pregnant and I feel more comfortable with knowing my fertility signs. If that fails, DH will have to go and have a vasectomy!.. he's not so keen on that right now...