Teachers - AIBU to consider sending dd to school SIL teaches at?

[FridayFreja]

Dh’s sister teaches at a private secondary school about an hour away from where she lives. She has said many times that she would never work at a school closer to her home, because she loves that she never bumps into her pupils when she’s shopping or out in town.

We live about half way between where SIL lives, and where her school is - consequently her school is only about 30 minutes from where we live.

Dd is currently in Year 4 at our local state primary, but we’re planning on sending her private for secondary as none of our local state options are great. We’ve started to look at private schools within a 30-40 minute radius of where we live, and SIL’s school is ticking a lot of boxes for us: it’s girls’ only, great for sports, surrounded by countryside and very academic. Even better, it has a coach system that would pick dd up and drop her off at a stop only a 10 minute walk from our house.

I’m just worried that SIL would not be happy about her niece ending up at her school. We’re very close to SIL and dd has spent a lot of time with her over the years - I fear that SIL would be uncomfortable having that aspect of her home life getting mixed up with her work life.

AIBU to even consider it?

I think if it worries you then you need to speak to SIL. I don't think yabu considering it, you want what's best for your DD and that's only natural.

My son goes to a school where SIL teachers and it's brilliant.
We both love it.
It may be abit of a shock to your SIL but she'll get used to it I'm sure.
And really it's not up to her, if that's the best school option for your daughter then that's really all that matters

I’d not be happy if I were sister in law. Are there no other schools available?

Even if your SIL moved on in the future, would she be uncomfortable at every family event lest her DN was reporting back to her friends on what Miss X had been up to?

YANBU. Your SIL will want best for your DD too.

Not bumping into random pupils outside of school is not the same as not knowing anyone you teach outside of school.

I think it's unfortunate that it seems to be the best school but you need to put DD. I would let SIL know ASAP that it's looking highly likely DD will go there.

My head of year had a daughter in our year and a son a couple of years above. They did fine, if anything it offered them a level of protection.

Ask sil how she feels but I don’t think it would be a big deal tbh. Chances of her teaching your DD are fairly slim unless it’s a small school.

YANBU- it’s not up to your SIL to decide where your DD spends 5+ years of her education. I would speak to your SIL but I wouldn’t feel the need to ask permission

would she be uncomfortable at every family event lest her DN was reporting back to her friends on what Miss X had been up to?

I guess that’s what I’m worried about.

I would hope dd wouldn’t behave like that - and if we do end up sending her there we’d have to have strict words with her about not sharing anything about her aunt with other pupils.

But I’d still worry that SIL would feel she had to be guarded around dd in case anything got back to the school.

Are there no other schools available?

There are a few, but none that tick all our boxes simultaneously - they’re either co-ed, not very sporty, or don’t have great transport.

There are likely be a fair few staff in the school who have taken advantage of generous staff discounts to have their own children attend. Your SIL will be far from the only member of staff with relatives amongst the pupils.

It really shouldn't be a major issue.

Send your DD to the best school for her. That's the priority.

YANBU to consider sending your DD there - if it’s the best school for your DD then that should be the priority.

FWIW, my DC are currently in a private school, and loads of the teachers have their DC at the school. Nearly a quarter of the children in DS2’s year group are the DC of teachers at the school. I’m presuming that teachers get a hefty discount on the fees.

So I think, if you did send your DD there, that it’s unlikely that your SIL would be the only teacher to have pupils as relatives.

Choose the best fit school for your daughter. Plenty of people have parents, relatives or family friends as teachers and manage perfectly ok.

Sil will get over it.

You have no idea how long your SIL will stay at that school, she might be there for 30 more years, she might get a chance at a better job before this school year is finished and leave in the next few months or she might leave that school somewhere in between. You can't really make your decision based on her possible future career, but it is good you are taking her into consideration.

If the only reason you don't put dd into the school is because SIL works there and SIL moves on in the time dd would be there you may well regret not having used that school. If your dd goes to the school and it works with SIL there then all is good.

I know a teacher who worked at the High School I went to, her twins started in the same year I did. She didn't move schools until her children had finished GCSEs/A levels, she stayed there and at different times taught her own dcs. It happens all the time that people work in the same schools as their relatives go to, it isn't that unusual.

What are the chances SIL would teach your dd? Is she one of a few teachers of the same subject (e.g. English, maths, science) or one of one or two teachers in the subject (e.g. Latin, Spanish etc) If she's the only teacher of a subject there's a big chance your dd will be taught by her, if there's many teachers in her subject she may rarely come across your dd at work.

Do what's best for your dd.

Talk to SiL. It's usually a measure of a good school when there are staff-pupil connections.

I taught the relative of my HoD and that was fine. I sometimes saw her in family photos on fb as it was a close family, but home and classroom life were kept secret.

What are the chances SIL would teach your dd?

She teaches an A-level only subject. She’s the only teacher for that subject, so if she and dd are both still at that school in 7 years time, and dd chooses that subject for A-level, then she would definitely be teaching dd.

She also has to teach PSHCE though, including to younger years, so I suppose there’s a chance dd could end up in one of her groups for that.

My Father had to teach all his little sisters. He had many. They lived in a small town and he was the only teacher for the required subjects he taught. They all survived.

I don't know which country you are in but in England it's pretty standard that kids with parents who teach in secondary schools end up going to their parents school...happens at junior too. - just talk to sil. She obviously works at the school because she thinks it's great so why wouldn't you be considering it for your daughter.

I would talk to your sil. Bottom line she doesn’t get to decide which school your dd attends. Very positive that your dd won’t cross her path much if at all in up to yr11

Does it need to be a girls only school? Why not mixed? Just if you then consider those schools you don't have to go to sils school.

Out of curiosity, why do you want a girls only school? I personally would want my kids mixing with both boys and girls.

As an aside, I think you need to pick the school you think is best for your daughter, but also be respectful of SIL and chat to her about it to see how she feels.

You also need to arrange visits to a few schools as you may end up liking one that you didn't expect to.