Considering going from four day week to full time

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I'm "lucky" that I was able to agree a four day week on return from mat leave (well over a year ago now). In reality my role isn't that easy to do in a four day week and there has been no 20% cut in workload to accompany the 20% cut in pay. But it does mean I get an extra day at home with DD.

But it feels like the worst of all worlds. I'm not doing as good a job as I'd like at work. On my day off I'm a crap mum as I can't switch off and spend all my time worrying I've missed something or that things will go wrong when I'm not there and cause extra work for me when I get back. I'm so fed up of it.

I feel guilty going back up to full time though as it means an extra day in nursery for DD and I worry she will get too tired. And I'm not putting her needs first. I feel I am so lucky to be able to go part time as not everybody has that choice and I am being ungrateful.

So I guess AIBU to go back to full time.

there has been no 20% cut in workload to accompany the 20% cut in pay

I would take this up with my line manager before resigning myself to having to give up my day off.

I don't think you would necessarily be U. But I would attack the problem at source (how you feel) before I committed myself to going back full time.

I don't know what your job is, but have you sat down with your line manager to discuss what the 20% is that you will no longer do? You have to get ruthless. Jettison everything that isn't essential. No optional nice-organisational-citizen projects. And if at all possible, when you are out of the office, be out. No email, no calls, don't think about it.

If you go back FT honestly I think there's a substantial risk you'll just continue to feel shit about everything and they'll up your workload anyway because "you have an extra day now". You have to push back, and to train yourself not to give a shit while you're not there.

I don’t think you’d BU to go back FT, however is it what you really want?
It doesn’t sound like it.
Do you enjoy your job? If not maybe look at moving?
I found going back 3 days gave a better balance of workload and home life, but it was a more basic role than I currently do and for this I had to bump to 4 days. I don’t enjoy it anywhere near as much and I do miss DC.
Whatever happens I’m sure your DD will be fine, kids are very resilient and many react well to changes, the main thing to consider is if you will be happier or not.

Thanks all. I know tackling the workload is the obvious first step but it's easier said than done as I do the kind of role which isn't that easy to quantify and I'm relatively senior so don't get much direct oversight from my line manager. It's also quite reactive so a lot of things come in when I'm out of the office and either get delayed or taken in a direction I wouldn't have taken them in. Which adds up to more stress.

I realise I'm probably sounding like a bit of a control freak...and maybe I am

I've looked often at changing roles but we have a big mortgage and can't afford the pay cut.

I'm also in that position except for the reactive element OP, and I think that with strong expectation management it can be done. But it does also mean learning to let stuff go, yes.

I went back part time (3 days) after mat leave, my work load didn't change and I used to spend loads of time on the weekend and evenings working just to stay on top. My employer wasn't very helpful as said it was a busy period, staff leaving etc and as I was experienced I seemed to get more pressure. Whilst it seems silly now that I just got on with it, I do genuinely like my job and put up with more than I should have. I agreed to go back FT after 1.5 years of that nightmare (!) but compressed into 4.5 days so I have one afternoon with my DS. And I strictly don't work on evenings and weekends anymore bar my compressed hours. So I actually have more time to spend with my family without worrying about things. I find people put less pressure on at work as they know I'm available 5 days a week so they panic less. (I've also got much better at delegating and managing peoples expectations as to when things will be done).

I was speaking to a guy at work the other say at a similar level and he said "I could never do my job part time". Even though I'm sure if he made the case it would get approved because that's how out place works. Made me think about the differences between men and women as (massive generalisation alert) women seem much more likely to go for part time working and worry later about how to actually make it work.

But I'm not part time just because I feel I should be. I did genuinely want that time off but the reality isn't what I thought it would be as I don't enjoy my days with DD due to spending the whole time stressing about work.

countess do you work four days too?

I’m four days a week too. Also haven’t seen the 20% drop in workload, but that’s something I’m pushing back on. Also, I turn my phone and emails off at five pm on a Thursday and that’s that until Monday morning.

Reading your OP I’m not sure how going ft will solve the problems you’ve outlined.

countess do you work four days too?

Yes, and with increased efficiency and a willingness to cut extraneous stuff, I honestly think I get very little less done than I used to in 5. I also switch off my work phone at 6pm Thurs and it doesn't go on again until Monday morning. Nobody is going to die if I don't see an email, and my office is full of perfectly competent people in my absence.

Do you have a team? If so, I think you also need to work on delegating/upskilling them to act in your absence.

In an ideal world you'd sit your boss down and tell him exactly what you've just said here, in your first post and then your second. The 20% and things but being done the way you'd have chosen if you'd been there.

Then you'd talk to him about mentality. Of a man not choosing to.

And ideally. Boss would be sensible enough to see that all your points were valid. And needed to be addressed. Because that's good business.

But will he?

But you do need to do something. or at least talk to him partly about some of this stuff - you need to give him a chance.

because you're clearly not happy and there is no easy answer to your problems, other than moving jobs?

And. Have you spoken to the people who took the work in a different direction, made different decisions, in your absence?
You should have. Explain to them (gently) that's not how you want things done.

I do take the point about changing others' behaviour and my own. It's something I've been trying to do although I am sure I could do it better.

I suppose the question I am starting to ask is whether I should just try taking the path of least resistance and go full time. Because although I'd lose that day, at least I'd have more money and hopefully be less stressed out overall.