To think I need to get better childcare.

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My mum looks after DD 2 for 3 days a week. She goes to nursery 1 day a week.

My mum is caring and loving but she’s also depressed and struggling after losing her father. My daughter loves going to her house and I pay her a fair amount each day.

My daughter hates going to nursery will scream and cry. When she wakes up in the morning she says “no nursery today?” First thing.

Now the difficult part. My mum does nothing with her. I think she spends most of the day watching tv. She doesn’t take her out, even a walk or to the park. Like I said my mum is depressed although she enjoys having her and my daughter enjoys being with her. And the money helps my mum day to day.

I book activities for my mum to take her to and she makes excuses not to go.

I feel awful at work when I think of my two year old bored in the house. But when it comes to a fun active and stimulant day at nursery she absolutely refuses.

Not sure what’s for the best?

Could your dd go to preschool and your mum drop her off/pick her up?
Just 9-12 might be easier for your dd to cope with and she'll settle better going 4 times a week.
Then she can relax, nap & watch TV with your mum in the afternoon.

What about a childminder? Three days there and one day with your mum?

Part of the problem is you are not giving her enough nursery time to familiarise her properly and feel happy in the setting. Now she’s older why not increase nursery time gradually; it’s important for her socialisation. A better balance (in the end) would be 3 days nursery, 1 day mum. Why not start with 2&2 and she may be a lot happier.

She will start pre school in September when she turns 3. I did look at childminders but I couldn’t find one I loved.

I love her nursery it’s almost like a childminder setting in that there is only a handful of kids and they go days out to soft play and the park.

My mum would be offended if I take DD away and may struggle without the extra income but I’ve got to think about the best thing for my daughter.

I try to convince myself that she’s loved and cared for and so incredibly close with my mum. She loves her so much so I think that’s all that maters. But then is it? Doesn’t she need more stimulation and activities.

The mind boggles when I ask what they’ve done all day. 8am- 5pm and she simply says nothing. Just stayed inside. And done nothing - no painting no drawing no baking. I would go crazy!

Yeah maybe you are right. I will increase her to two days in nursery initially I think.

Just wanted others opinions whether it doesn’t or does matter that much with a 2 year old. If she was older then I would have her in the nursery setting more easily but as she still young I was convincing myself that being with a loving caregiver was Better than being in a stimulating nursery.

Have you talked to your Mum about this? How would she respond if you sat her down and said you know how much your DD loves her, how much you know she loves DD, but that it's just not good for DD to do nothing all day. Can you spin it along the lines of if you really love her you'll do the right thing and take her to X Activity?
How depressed are we talking? Is she getting help for that?

She feels loved by your mum. She gets care and attention from someone she knows and who loves her. Makes sense she prefers to be there. I doubt she's bored. Preschool is for socialising and stimulation.

may struggle without the extra income

Does this mean you're paying her to look after your daughter?

I always think if childcare is free then you put up with lack of activities, more tv, extra sweets etc. However, if you're paying then your mother should definitely be taking her to activities, and being more engaged with your daughter.

I think I would frame it as she is forming a strong bond with a main caregiver, which is arguably more important than activities, with no attachment and upset. I'd continue to gently try to get your mum to go for a walk with her, for your mum as much as your daughter.

I think pre school will sort this as a previous person said. Your mum will be the safe, kind base to come back to but won’t have to actually do much with her as she will get activities at preschool.

I wouldn’t change her routine now, if it’s already changing in 6 months anyway.

Your daughter seems happy with your mum. Children of that age need love more than anything else. Activities would be great, but aren’t everything.

Before working mothers was the norm children weren't expected to do lots of activities, they just played at home quite happily.
Your DD has let you know that she doesn't like nursery and is much happier with your mum. Why is that a problem for you?
If your DD is happy with your mum then I'd leave things as they are for a while.

I think when young dc start nursery they need to be in minimum for 2 days or at least 1.5 days because they often don’t settle well otherwise. I made this mistake with DS1 and just put him in 1 day a week to start with and to be honest, he didn’t really settle properly until we increased his time to 2 full days a week.

A lot depends on what your mum is doing. Playgroups etc aren’t for everyone but for 3 full days is your DD really sitting in front of the tv all day? Surely there are toys there for her to play with? Does your mum play, interact, read to her etc? If yes, then I don’t think she needs more at this age.

my mil used to look after DS1 when he was that age and tbh I think he was mostly left in front of the tv, however it was only for 1 day a week.

My mum would be offended if I take DD away and may struggle without the extra income but I’ve got to think about the best thing for my daughter

You really do. The easy and likely cheaper option of course would be to shut your mouth and do nothing but thats not really fair on your dd.

I dont envy you, would break my heart i think to do that to my dm but thankfully we're too far for my parents to watch dc.

She does read to her, sing songs and talks a lot to her. They will probably leave the house once out of 3 days and sometimes just to go to shops or grave yard.

That’s why it is conflicting. As my daughter genuinely skips out the door to go with my mum. I just want her to be learning and stimulated.

I pay my mum to look after her everyday. Not as much as nursery but (£20 for mum £32 for nursery). But it’s not about the money. I’d pay more for nursery if I felt it was beneficial for DD.

I think initially I will increase for 2 days and 2 days with my mum then 1 full day with me and I’ll try my best to stimulate and play with her as much as possible over this day and weekend.

Can you do more half days at nursery with your mum collecting?

This arrangement wouldn't be what I'd want for my child. She has so much energy and wants to be outside or doing activities. It's important to get out at least once a day even just to the park / library. And socialising with other children will be useful for adjusting to school life.

I'd be tempted to add another day of nursery and ask your DM to make sure to take her outdoors at least once a day. Just to do something simple.

OP, your daughter has years ahead of her to learn. As a previous poster said it's only recently that parents have felt it necessary to entertain/ occupy their children. My parents just used to do chores around the house and I helped them, or just did my own thing. I now have a STEM degree, so it did me no harm. If your DD and DM are both happy, perhaps just let them be.

Honestly OP i would be more concerned with the fact that she's crying and asking no nursery, id be inclined to leave her with your mum for all four days. She's happy, she's interacting with someone who loves her, she's safe, she's fed and I'm sure your mum does bits and bobs around the home and in the garden and has toys and books to stimulate DD. She's only little, she wants to be at home. We really don't need to be dragging our kids out every day to soft play etc for them to be happy.

Is your daughter pottering and playing at your mums, or just sat on the sofa watching tv?

Have you seen her with your mum? I would try and see how they interact. I suspect they actually do stuff as a 2 year old would go out of their mind and hate it if they literally sat there all day doing nothing. She is or soon will be old enough to demand to do stuff. Even sitting watching TV if an adult is watching with them and asking questions is a lot different to just turning it on and leaving them to it. If she is giving her a tablet and junk food and not interacting I'd be more inclined to move her. If they are pottering around together while your mum does housework and chatting a lot she will naturally be learning.

Saying that 1 day a week is probably not enough for her to settle at nursery. If she is ill that day or you're on holiday suddenly it can be weeks between visits which is difficult for her to feel comfortable.

I would actually speak to nursery about how you can work with them to help her settle better. If they recommend 2 days then change to that. I don't think 2 days with your mum not doing much will hurt her, as long as there is love and plenty of interaction then there is lots of time from when they are at school for more formal learning

It sounds like it's a good downtime kind of day she spends with her Grandma. You say she reads to her, they sing, they watch TV and Dd plays with toys. She even says no nursery.
This is how baysitting was done in the "old days" Maybe minus the TV part. Kids don't need constant entertainment, activities and trips out, they stop using their imagination and making their own fun if it's all constantly done for them.
I'd probably want to have a talk with Mum and let her know you want Dd to have more outside time and less TV. As the weather improves this gets easier anyway.

read to her, sing songs and talks a lot to her

Your Mum is stimulating your daughter. Talking to a child and reading to them are wonderful for stimulation.

Your daughter is not bored with your Mum otherwise she wouldn't want to go there and her behaviour would reflect that.

Let her be with your Mum, she is happy and loved and probably helps your Mum take her mind off her own troubles.

Your dd IS learning, she's getting 1:1 attention, which most toddlers crave. She's singing songs and being taught to converse, please don't underestimate the value of all of these things. She is still very little, and school will come around soon enough.

If your DD enjoys being with your Mum I would leave it as it is until she starts pre school. Although the she isn't going out much she is getting undivided attention for 3 days a week which will bring her on in different ways and then you have her four days a week where you can do activities etc. I think it sounds like a lovely mix for your DD.