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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DS run ahead?

33 replies

Holymisquito · 13/02/2019 18:31

DD is 4 and very sensible - she has been reliable about stopping at kerbs etc since she was just 3. She is very small for her age. Today she asked if she could press the button on the crossing and ran ahead to do this. As she got close both drivers coming through the crossing stopped even though they had a green light - obviously careful drivers - but it got me to thinking should I let DD do this?

If I had any concerns about her stopping and waiting I would not be letting her off by herself, but am I being too laid back? Would this worry you if you saw a small child running towards a road?

OP posts:
SexNotJenga · 13/02/2019 18:33

Most children do not develop an understanding of the concept of danger until age 5.

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 18:33

Yes, I'd get spooked at seeing a child running towards the road.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2019 18:34

I think you are being very foolish and putting far too much faith in the sensibilities of a 4 year old child. Letting a child that young run ahead towards a road is a tragedy waiting to happen.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/02/2019 18:34

I must admit I hate to see children running near a road and always told DS not to do it, even when older, as I tell him drivers do not know they are going to stop

Sirzy · 13/02/2019 18:34

I think if a road is busy enough to need a crossing then it’s too busy for such a young child to be out of arms reach

If I was driving I would have reacted the same way as the drivers.

Rachel0Greep · 13/02/2019 18:35

Yes, I would be very concerned. I don't think it is a good habit for the child to get into.

Dinnaehinksae · 13/02/2019 18:35

As a driver it would concern me, as a parent I have let my kids run ahead but not right to the crossing, they stop what I feel is a safe distance away so that I can be beside them when it's time to step up and press the lights. You as her parent know she'll stop but I've had a couple heart stopping moments where something similar has happened as I'm driving past and its always a worry.

Glittertwins · 13/02/2019 18:36

I wouldn't let our DTs run up to a kerb to cross a road and I would have also stopped my car if I saw a child run towards traffic like this. It wouldn't take much for her to trip and fall into traffic either. Our 2 are 11 and still have form for falling over their feet.

constantlyseekinghappiness · 13/02/2019 18:36

Yes I would have stopped too if I was driving and might even have tried to grab her if I was standing already waiting to cross. I imagine most people would, it’s instinct.

Probably best not to allow her to do this.

PristineCondition · 13/02/2019 18:37

Encouraging her to run near the road and being too far to grab her is pretty poor parenting

arethereanyleftatall · 13/02/2019 18:38

I don't think you should allow this. Even if you were 100% certain (and you cant be but even if) that she would stop, drivers don't know this - they only see a child barely bigger than a toddler, and their reaction (possible emergency stop) could cause an accident.

Seeline · 13/02/2019 18:39

Quiet side road, maybe, although I was always worried about cars using driveways and not spotting a small child.
Main road (which if a crossing is necessary I assume it is), then no. Children should not be running up to the road edge anyway. As a driver, you would always slam on the breaks in that scenario, which could cause all sorts of accidents.
I think holding hands near main roads is still necessary at 4.
Are you certain she would wait for you if the green man came up?

TopBitchoftheWitches · 13/02/2019 18:39

It's things like this that cause car accidents.

I have before braked sharply and quickly because a little boy was sticking his legs out into the road whilst his mother/guardian was dealing with another child in a pushchair.

Thankfully the car behind me had left enough braking distance to stop before hitting my car.

Although in that situation I would rather my car is hit than a little child.

Drogosnextwife · 13/02/2019 18:41

Children are unpredictable, doesn't matter how well you think you know them,they can still surprise you.

blackteasplease · 13/02/2019 18:44

I'd have kittens if ds ran that close to the road!

Chouetted · 13/02/2019 18:45

If nothing else, you're putting her at risk of being tackled by an overenthusiastic passerby - I would certainly grab an unaccompanied young child running past me towards a road, on the grounds that I'd much rather deal with an irate parent than watch a child kill themselves in front of me.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 13/02/2019 18:48

not fair to say that it is poor parenting. I think you probably shouldnt at this age but not because there's a high risk. You know your daughter is sensible, it's just that it only takes once.

my sensible child was walking ahead on the small residential street we walk on (rarely any cars came and they would only be going 10/20)at reception age but not on a busier road.

33goingon64 · 13/02/2019 18:50

I explain even to my 7 yo that if he runs towards the road the drivers don't know that he's sensible and won't run out, so it's not fair. Plus he could trip and fall into the road. Keep her close by you when there's traffic around, it's a no brainer.

PristineCondition · 13/02/2019 18:50

not fair to say that it is poor parenting

How is encouraging a 4 year old to run towards traffic and not being near her not poor parenting?

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/02/2019 18:51

I have always given my kids a bit of freedom from the age of 4. But a child running up to press the button at the crossing is dangerous and if i was driving and saw a child running towards the road id slam on my breaks!

coffeeforone · 13/02/2019 18:54

YABU because it's not fair in the drivers who may get a fright/emergency brake

IncrediblySadToo · 13/02/2019 18:57

You really shouldn’t let her, no.

Very small children aren’t reliable, no matter how much you believe your DD is (and I do believe she is AS reliable as it’s possible for a 4yo to be). They’re truly not capable of 100% reliability - it’s too easy for them to lose concentration and they don’t have the life experience warning system to kick in st they age.

Even if she was 100% reliable, drivers don’t know that. They see a small child running towards (or even just along the pavement) and react. It’s likely to end up with someone being rear ended, or worse. And whilst that wouldn’t be your fault, it would be something that wouldn’t have happened had DD been walking beside you.

I see it a lot at school pick up time (I drive past a few primaries on the way to senior school) and I have NO idea which kids will stop and which might not, so I drive really slowly because no matter how much it might not be my fault if one runs out on the road from behind a parked car or something, I’m not taking any risks.

It would be better not to let her - she can still push the sodding crossing button 😁

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer · 13/02/2019 18:58

If I was driving up to a crossing and saw a small child running towards the road, I would have slammed my brakes on! Very irresponsible thing to do OP, sorry. You might know your child but no-one else does. Think what it looks like from a drivers point of view.

Original poster
Holymisquito · 13/02/2019 18:58

Thanks for the feedback. I have no idea why it didn’t occur to me that other people would panic when they saw her. Blush my whole internal risk assessment has been based on my trust in her.

Its an odd oversight because to be honest I’m normally the first to worry. I certainly keep her much closer on the smaller roads where I worry about cars reversing out of the drive.

OP posts:
Whathappenedtothelego · 13/02/2019 18:59

I second the unpredictability. I would have said my child was absolutely 100% reliable at 4 too.

But I still remember a terrifying occasion when (older than 4) we were walking past a low fence beside a busy road, a big dog leapt up and barked unexpectedly from behind it, and my child jumped back straight into the road.

Luckily she was in grabbing distance, I grabbed her, the car swerved. It went within centimetres of her.

She could slip, she could trip, something unexpected could happen.

And it is scary for drivers to see loose children rushing about by the road.

It's not worth the risk.

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