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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell Army Cadet teen who has heart completely set on a military career that they won't get in?

85 replies

CadetMum · 13/02/2019 17:08

DC is an army cadet and doing amazing there, the instructors have said they can see potential in them and dc has even been put forward for promotion alone. It's all they want to do. Either a medic or a dog handler.

Cadets is the only thing they enjoy and the only time they will happily leave the house.

The problem is there isn't a chance DC will get in due to some SPld, recent school anxiety which will likely result in medication and very probable Asperger's as well as a history of inhalers. Although not had asthma problems in years DC was given an inhaler last year for a chest infection.

It's all they want to do but looking at the entry recently I extremely.doubt they would be taken. Do I let them try and find out for themselves or do I try steer them away. I have tried before in a oh this looks good kind of way with no success.

If anyone knows any military type similar jobs I would be grateful for ways to point DC!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 13/02/2019 17:12

What is it s/he loves about it? The excitement, the structure, the team, the what?

Because that could mean paramedic would fit or something else.

KipperTheFrog · 13/02/2019 17:13

I'm no expert, but I think it depends on branch of military? DH cousin couldn't get into army because he's colourblind, but could get into navy doing same job.
How old is your DC? Research options with him, looking at entry criteria.

WitsEnding · 13/02/2019 17:15

I know of a naval officer with asthma controlled by inhalers - couldn't get in the RAF but navy were less fussy

Alsohuman · 13/02/2019 17:16

Depending on how old they are, things might change before they apply. I'd feel inclined to let them apply and see how it goes.

CoachBombay · 13/02/2019 17:16

Best bet for you would be to speak to the AFCO on his behalf, they will give clear guidance on entry and the medical.

If he was free of an inhaler for one year and no medication for anxiety for 2 I believe he would pass the medical. If the Asperger's isn't severe low level would probably be fine.

He would have a full medical anyway and then they would pass or decline him. So I suppose your making capita the bad guy and not you. You could try that?

SexNotJenga · 13/02/2019 17:18

What is the spld?

DH couldn't be a paramedic because he's a bit dyslexic and you have to be able to read medicine labels accurately (or that's what they told him anyway, he failed a specific test at interview. He'd been an effective team medic in places hot and sandy, but never mind)

What are your dc strengths?

MrsTerryPratcett · 13/02/2019 17:18

I think the combination of LDs, anxiety, Asperger's and chest symptoms is likely to exclude. It's a lot of possible exclusions.

My aunt used to recruit and she was always happy to talk to young people. Could you/DC have an informal chat with a recruiter?

CoachBombay · 13/02/2019 17:19

My DH is army and severely dyslexic. When I meet him he couldn't even spell my 5 letter name. He got in no trouble.

Of he's thriving in cadets it might be that the structure it offers is actually calming his anxiety? He would also be able to get a reference from the cadets. To be honest of he is hitting on the PT requirements he may be ok.

If you want to support him also if nothings been officially diagnosed like Asperger's you could hold off getting the diagnosis....but that's your call.

Bestseller · 13/02/2019 17:20

I don't have any advice but wanted to sympathise because I have one the same.

He's never excelled at anything, positively average at school and poor at sport/art/music but Cadets has given him a real chance to shine. He doesn't have long until he ages out but has attained the top rank possible and all the adults involved think the world of him, whereas school seem hardly to have noticed him. He'd be a different man boy without Cadets.

He's partway through the Sandhurst application process and it seems to be going really well, there's nothing there he shouldn't be able to do but I am absolutely dreading the medical. I have no reason to think there will be a problem but am already worried about the heat break if there is, so I absolutely understand where you're coming from. (even though I also dread him joining up!)

Are those things deal breakers? Sometimes it's things they need to know about rather than things that automatically rule them out. Can you talk to a recruiting office?

PooleySpooley · 13/02/2019 17:20

They won’t get in Sad

PooleySpooley · 13/02/2019 17:21

Definitely not with Aspergers and not on medication for anxiety.

fairislecable · 13/02/2019 17:21

My ds decided he wanted to join the military and realised after reading through requirements himself (age 14) he should stop the occasional inhaler use.

He is in the army and his medical records showed that he did not have asthma therefore no problem in getting in.

He was heartbroken at 13 when I told him that fighter pilots are usually short and he was never going to get in as he is well over 6 foot.

Bestseller · 13/02/2019 17:26

It's interesting because a lot of parents "push" for diagnosis when it won't make any real positive difference to the child and can be a real disadvantage to have the label later in life. I always thought DS might be somewhere in the spectrum, but he struggled socially a lot (until he found Cadets). I'm very glad I didn't persue that now.

Tiscold · 13/02/2019 17:28

I'm not an expert so can't comment on whether he will be accepted.

However if he is interested in being a medic or dog handler there's civillian opportunities to do this.

Dog handler is obviously police - he will have to go through normal policing and 2 years probation etc before asking to specialise in home office forces.
There's also the MOD police who have the uks largest dog section as well and guard nuclear weapon sites, military bases etc

Medic he could be an emt or an emergency care assistant. This is gcse level qualifications however a levels desired. Or he could do a paramedic science degree and become a paramedic. Some trusts however will even put you through your paramedic science degree after time as an emt.

I know these aren't military, however not getting in isn't the end of the world even if it feels like it is. There's so many rewarding and exciting careers out there.

madvixen · 13/02/2019 17:29

The biggest issue will be the asthma but as Coach Bombay said, the AFCO are best placed to advise. In the meantime, have a look at the Army website which details the medical requirements.

apply.army.mod.uk/how-to-join/can-i-join/medical

CadetMum · 13/02/2019 17:29

They love the structure, the discipline, the drill etc. They've never fit in before anywhere and they definitely do here. They are absolutely thriving.

Official diagnosis is Dyspraxia (but isn't highly affected. There are some minor processing issues and some signs of Dyslexia.
I feel they are highly likely on the spectrum.

OP posts:
CoachBombay · 13/02/2019 17:31

It's mad that sometimes, not having anything official on your records will save you.

I've known plenty of people avoid any official diagnosis of anything to avoid failing a medical. This includes one guy who got run over and his knee mangled, but he refused to go to a and e as he didn't want a knee injury on record.
He got in, then went on excercise, complains his knee hurt and had physio all repaired now 😂 but that is utter madness I understand.

Tiscold · 13/02/2019 17:32

Also forgot there's the civil nuclesr constabulatary, another permanently armed police force that have dog sections too and they're at the nuclear power stations.

Other medical ideas i could see is maybe nursing if he is that way inclined, can specialise in trauma, intensive care etc. Or ODP who work primarily in theatres assisting the surgeon as well as pre and post operations. Some ODP's go through extra training and can perform minor specialist surgery themselves but even being an ODP as it's is quite a cool exciting career.

Tiscold · 13/02/2019 17:35

OP you could pm if you want to talk more about alternative ideas, and I'll try help you guide him

CoachBombay · 13/02/2019 17:36

Below is the list of what is immediate no entry, anything else is neither here nor there really.

Abdominal problems:

Chronic abdominal diseases like Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis.

Kidney disorders such as polycystic kidney disease or kidney stones.

Donation of a kidney within the last two years.

Kidney disease within the last two years.

Back problems:

Spinal surgery (including internal fixation or fusion).

Recurrent lower back pain.

Spina bifida.

Blood diseases:

Sickle Cell disease.

Congenital spherocytosis.

Thalassaemia.

HIV seropositivity / AIDS.

Being a carrier of hepatitis B or hepatitis C.

Past history of leukaemia or malignant lymphoma. Must be disease, treatment and review free for five years.

Bone or joint problems:

Meniscectomy (knee cartilage operation) within the last year.

Lower limb fractures with internal fixation (metalwork) within the last year.

Loss of a limb.

Complete loss of a thumb or big toe.

Clubfoot (including past surgery).

Chronic joint diseases such as ankylosing spondylitis, psoriatic arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis or gout.

Reiter's disease within the last five years.

Osteochondritis dissecans.

Chest disorders:

Asthma, strong asthma-like symptoms or treatment for related illnesses within the last four years.

Chronic lung diseases such as emphysema, bronchiectasis or cystic fibrosis.

Active tuberculosis.

Ear disorders:

Current perforation of ear drum.

Chronic ear diseases like cholesteatoma.

Presence of eardrum 'grommets'.

Eye disorders:

Chronic eye diseases like glaucoma, keratoconus and retinitis pigmentosa.

Surgery for a squint within the last six months

Corneal problems like a corneal graft or recurrent corneal ulcers.

Loss or dislocation of an eye lens.

Cataract or cataract surgery.

Detached retina.

Neurological disorders:

Epilepsy or more than one seizure or fit after the age of five. Any seizure or fit within the last ten years.

Multiple sclerosis.

Pregnancy:

Currently pregnant or had a child in the last 3 months

Psychiatric problems:

Schizophrenia.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Alcohol or drug dependence.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Skin problems:

An active skin disease like eczema or widespread psoriasis.

Other conditions:

Loss of spleen (splenectomy).

Having received transplanted organs.

Severe allergic reactions or anaphylaxis requiring adrenaline injection.

Severe nut allergy

Circulation problems such as Raynaud's phenomenon

Diabetes.

Diseases requiring long-term medication or replacement therapy.

SophieWilson92 · 13/02/2019 17:38

You should definitely talk to a recruiter, with or without DC. They will steer you right and you'll never be sure if you don't find out what the options really are. Whether he has exclusions is difficult for us to guess but is a day job for them.

Yougotdis · 13/02/2019 17:38

If the worse comes to the worse he could be a volunteer cadet instructor and have a job doing something else?

Polarbearflavour · 13/02/2019 17:40

How about the Royal Fleet Auxiliary? www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/rfa/what-could-you-do

Bryjam · 13/02/2019 17:44

Definitely not with Aspergers

Jesus. Really?

Is that a thing? Better call the army boss then because there are lots of people on the autistic spectrum in the forces Hmm

Lovemusic33 · 13/02/2019 17:51

It’s very hard to get a diagnosis of Aspergers along side dyspraxia (I have a dd with Aspergers who has been refused a diagnosis of dyspraxia as they are too similar).

I would be very tempted not to push for a diagnosis of Aspergers, a lot of places are no longer diagnosing it anyway so he will likely get a diagnosis of Autism instead.

The military is suited to people who are on the spectrum due to the strict routine, rules to follow and the dicapline so I can see why he wants to do it. I wouldn’t rule it out completely, there are many roles in the military suited to many people. Talk to someone and see what his options are.