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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Reconnecting after going NC

4 replies

NameChanger08 · 13/02/2019 14:47

Not really an AIBU but just wondering about peoples experiences of reconnecting with family members after having gone NC. Was it successful? Did your relationship improve? Or are you still NC & do you worry it was the wrong decision?

I went NC with my MIL about 3 years ago. Although it felt like the only option at the time I do sometimes feel sad that it has come to this. Although she was/still is sarcastic, passive aggressive, controlling & self absorbed (all the reasons why I went NC) on reflection maybe we didn't help ourselves as we didn't set boundaries or voice our honest opinions. Instead DH & I would say nothing & just vent between each other which added up to alot of resentment & frustration. Three years on I feel in a much stronger place & feel like reconnecting would be a nice thing to do & although I'm confident things will be different this time as I wont let things slide like I used to I still worry it will be a slippery slope back to her causing me stress & anxiety. DH is supportive of my choices & visits her without me.

It would be helpful to here other people's experiences.

Thankyou in advance

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/02/2019 14:56

When yo u went NC, was it with big fanfare and an announcement of 'never gain shall we darken each others doorsteps' , or did you just slip away and let DH do all the visits etc?

If its the latter then you can go on a trip to see her with him. Doesnt need to be a big brouhaha

Quite sad over Christmas etc I would have thought, for DH and his mum.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 13/02/2019 15:01

I was nc with dm after she flounced out of my house, humiliating me in front of company - for ten years. Had cause to contact her (legal purposes) and regretted it within a fortnight. Muddled on for about a year then called time again. Passed a letter each, her apologies for being a rubbish dm, and me apologising for us not being able to have a relationship, or her with my dc either.
Left it at that about 7 years ago.
No temptation to change the situ.

NameChanger08 · 13/02/2019 15:04

I just stopping visiting. She never asked why & DH didn't offer an explanation as the truth would've upset her.

I did reach out about 2 years ago. I sent a text asking how she was & she replied friendly but all very self absorbed. I expected just I'm ok how are you type reply but instead got a long paragraph of where she'd been, who with, how much she'd spent, where she was going on holiday & I just felt deflated that she hadn't heard from me for over a year & she couldn't just simply ask how I was rather than take the opportunity to blow her own trumpet. I gave up after that.

OP posts:
NameChanger08 · 13/02/2019 17:11

Bump

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