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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Supervised contact

18 replies

Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 13:19

My husband was arrested for indecent exposure and indecent assault on his 15 year old niece who lived with us my daughter is 16 and ive been told by social services my daug cannot see him alone i dont think he is a threat to her ive thrown him out by the way any advice on what i can do she hasnt seen him since 1 jan he also on bail with no charges as yet x

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 13/02/2019 13:22

Don't let her see him alone would be my strong advice. Why would you consider anything else?

Smoggle · 13/02/2019 13:22

If you don't want to see him, do you have a family member who could? Go with your daughter to a public place eg a cafe?

That is if your daughter wants to see him?

anniehm · 13/02/2019 13:23

Is there a trusted family member or friend who could chaperone? It's essential you comply or you could be investigated

CoolJule43 · 13/02/2019 13:27

Did you think he would be a threat to your 15 year niece?

I assume you didn't. So, why would you assume he is not a threat to your similar aged daughter?

If your daughter wishes to see him then the visits should most definitely be supervised.

Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 13:42

Ss said it has to be supervised by someone who needs to have a police check but my daughter wishes to see him and this could take months i have signed a order with ss to say i wont let it happen i dont know where i am at the minute you all confirmed what i thought i had been with him 22 years and thought i knew him but obviously i dont

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 13/02/2019 13:45

I’d do whatever social services advise. Otherwise they could say that you are failing to protect your daughter. So if they say supervised visits, stick to it, regardless of what you might think.

Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 13:48

Thank you so much for your advice i have kept this from my friends so i had no one else to talk to about it all

OP posts:
Mmmhmmm · 13/02/2019 13:54

No...just no. He shouldn't be around any young vulnerable people.

woolduvet · 13/02/2019 13:58

Do you have any friends who are teachers etc, they'd have a dbs already.
Or ask ss what people do, there might be a contact centre close by.

Jackshouse · 13/02/2019 14:06

If SS says contact needs to be supervised then it needs to be supervised. Like a PP said failure to do could lead to your DD being taken into care. Her has already abused a child the same age as your daughter of course she could be the next victim.

Ask SS about contact centres. Alternatively you maybe able to employ someone with a DBS check eg nursery nurse, childminder.

Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 14:36

Thank you i have and will not let him see her until ss sort it all out i just needed another point of view his family are sayingbim being unreasonable and he has never done anythink to her i stand by what ss have said and that is what ill do thank you everybody for your good advice

OP posts:
Friedspamfritters · 13/02/2019 14:39

Don't let him see her alone. Does the contact need to be at a contact centre or can it be supervised by a family member?

Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 14:40

My daughter does not believe it has happened and i get that he is her dad and she believes him but i dont which is why i threw him out i as a mother was not willing to take that chance with my daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 14:42

It can be supervised by a family member but they need a check doung on them i will ask about a contact centre as ss have not mentioned that to me

OP posts:
TiReDmUmone · 13/02/2019 14:43

Can a social worker not supervise the visits until a responsible person has been identified

Handsfull13 · 13/02/2019 14:49

As a parent I would want to keep her from him forever because you can't risk it. You say you don't believe he is a risk to her but did you think he'd be a risk to his niece either?

As your daughter doesn't believe it I think you have to go a different route and tell her she can't see him until SS have sorted out and if you don't follow their instructions it could cause more problems for her dad. Make it seem as if you are helping and she might take notice and listen.

Original poster
Nataliep74 · 13/02/2019 15:01

I didnt mean he wasnt a threat to her in that way she is a strong girl and i dont know but would he really risk doing this a second time because that would surley be the end for him ever seeing her ever again oh i dont know wheather im coming or going i just want my dd to feel like im not helping het and fighting her corner its hard because i dont want her to think im not supporting her i am and its hard keeping my opionions on it all to myself because she dont think he is guilty and i do i want to support her so much but i think he is the worst kind of dad now to do something like that

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 13/02/2019 18:37

But pedophiles do not it again.

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