To think that you can love two men..

[totallydevoted22]

Is this really possible...That you can love two men in two entirely different ways because each man fulfils needs in you that one man cant? Is there always a fallout? These needs do not relate to physical relations, more emotional needs?

You always love one more than the other. You realise that if/when the shit hits the fan.

I don't think you can, no. Maybe other women can but I've never been able to get my head round it. If you love someone truly, you don't want or need anyone else.

My husband knows and respects our closeness.He simply would not 'get' how a male and female could talk to each other so openly and honestly and be perfectly comfortable about how they felt about each other, simply because he is an emotional cold fish when it comes to expressing himself.He reminds me very much of my father, who while kind and dependable, would never openly express his feelings.I miss that in marriage but in friendship, I get alot from it.
My friend and I have acknowledged the role that we each have in eachothers lives and are open about how we value and cherish our friendship is, and how important it is to mind it etc.To some people, It is possibly very intense, but to me its like a life line sometimes.Yes, at times I am bored.My friend and I adore eachother in a different way.Maybe I am not making much sense.Im trying to unravel this for myself lately

Of course it is possible but for it to be ok, everyone needs to be up front about it, otherwise you get involved in deceit and deception and that isn't a loving way to treat anyone.

To add, there is no sexual element to this relationship and there never will be.

I think if the relationship was that kind of relationship then something would either have happened or got to a point where it could have happened but didn't.

I think you are perhaps in love with the idea of having someone more exciting and emotionally available to you.

I think you are over thinking your relationship with your friend.

And I think you have perhaps changed in ways that mean you have to an extent outgrown your husband

I dont think this is about loving 2 people as such

The way you describe your husband makes me think of someone describing their reliable used family car.

Maybe! My husband though is a wonderful man, he just doesnt fulfil certain needs but in every other way I am happy and wouldnt do anything to jeopardise that. I have friends in my life who are exciting and emotionally available...they just arent my husband which is why I wonder if Im crossing boundaries. My closest female friends also meet needs in me which one single relationship eg my marriage doesnt, so why dont I feel bad about that , I wonder?Thanks for all your input btw...its really helping me to try to make sense of it all

Sounds like you 'love' them slightly more than you would like to acknowledge.
If it was friendship love I can't understand why there would be a quandary.

Maybe its because its a man? Is that crazy? I am not attracted to him, Id hate to live with him, his selfishness would drive me through the roof and he is asexual so genuinely, there are no romantic or sexual feelings there whatsoever on either part. I absolutely do love him though.I am overthinking this i guess.Still feels wrong to have the intensity of feelings for him though.

What feelings are they though?
What's going on inside your head when you see him?
If the thoughts are entirely innocent why would you feel guilt?
I'm confused.

If you love someone truly, you don't want or need anyone else.

What nonsense. I love my husband, but I don't value my friendships any less.

OP, I think that sounds entirely normal. I'd only wonder why you seemed worried about it, and if that worry indicated you were afraid you were developing a sexual attraction to your friend, or were somehow threatening your marriage. You do make your husband sound as dull as ditchwater, it must be said, which suggests issues unrelated to your friend, unless his emtional openness and sociability is making you more critical of your husband, rather than being glad you have someone who fulfils those needs for you.

I don’t see the problem here. One’s husband or wife can’t possibly provide everything for your happiness and fulfilment. In fact, expecting that would put a huge and cruel burden on the other person. Enjoy your friendship.

Feelings of absolutely loving his company, excitement of seeing him to have fun and chatting, deep chats etc