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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a cop out excuse

15 replies

Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:17

Hello so you find out 2 mates have gone on a event that you would normally join them on and they hadn't bothered to ask you along then you ask why didn't you ask me and they say maybe next time we never know what your up to how would you feel.

OP posts:
grincheux · 13/02/2019 00:21

It sounds like the question is more why they didn't want you there. Have they excluded you before?

Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:22

No can't say they have but I keep wondering why.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2019 00:23

I'd feel upset.

Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:25

I am upset to be honest

OP posts:
restingbf · 13/02/2019 00:29

Yeah I'd be a bit pissed off tbh

TitsAndTomatoes · 13/02/2019 00:32

Id be annoyed. Have you done something similar together before?

Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:35

Yes few times

OP posts:
grincheux · 13/02/2019 00:36

They've offered half an excuse in "we never know what you're up to or how you'll feel", which isn't very kind. They could at least have asked you along. Have you been really busy or not very well lately, or could they feel like you'd turned them down for plans before?

Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:39

Not that I can think of. I saw they had been on social media.

OP posts:
Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:41

Sad don't understand this reply was posted to me

OP posts:
Stcatherine · 13/02/2019 00:42

Just felt so dismissive

OP posts:
grincheux · 13/02/2019 00:45

It's never nice to feel left out. Sounds like it might be time to find new friends to go to your event with Smile

shpoot · 13/02/2019 00:48

Have they been friends for longer and then you've gone with them a few times?

AGHHHH · 13/02/2019 00:48

I'd be pissed off too.

melj1213 · 13/02/2019 01:01

Tbh it would entirely depend on the situation as to whether it was worth being bothered about.

Firstly if it was a one off thing (eg concert tickets for a sold out tour of your favourite artist) vs a casual trip to the cinema to watch a movie you'd all expressed interest in because they were both free one afternoon. If it was a casual trip I'd be a bit miffed that they didn't text but I'd get over it. If it was a bigger event then I'd feel really left out and would have to say something.

Secondly, you dont have to do everything together. I have a group of around 4/5 friends that I have known for 20 years. We have regular nights out all together but it's not always easy to find a night everyone is free so it is perfectly normal for groups of 2/3 to get together without the others purely down to scheduling.

If it was an event that cost money and I'd told my friends I was skint that month (definitely my situation in January as I work in retail so no overtime, hours cut back and recovering from Christmas) then I could see why they might just go without me without mentioning it so I didn't feel bad about not having the cash to join them or feeling obliged to offer to sub me all evening.

Maybe they bumped into each other and someone mentioned the event so it wasn't organized as such, so they didn't think to invite you.

Have you been distant recently? I know that sometimes my friends won't invite me to things if I have turned down other recent invites due to previous commitments and they leave it to me to get in contact when I have the time. For example since the end of January I have been busy - DD has had a lot of activities and overtime has been reinstated in my store so, after only doing my basic contract for the last month, I can't afford to turn down overtime (esp as my store will give priority to those who always accept overtime before they ask people who turn them down regularly) as I need the money more than I need a night out.

Have you been ill or under the weather? Whenever I'm ill I will let friends know and then I will be the one to reach out when I feel well enough to socialise. If it's a physical illness people usually wait for you to tell them you're better and up for socialising. I also have anxiety so sometimes I just need to withdraw from social activities to sort my head out. When that happens my friends will keep in touch but don't invite me to things as they dont want to put that social pressure on me until I tell them I'm ready for it.

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