To think I'm unlovable?

[Namechangered]

I have absolutely rubbish luck with men. Very few show an interest and those who do quickly disappear the moment I finally sleep with them. I have never had a relationship and I honestly think that there must be something wrong with me that is scaring men away.

I have a really manly face - a very prominent square jawline. My hair is usually frizzy no matter how I try to tame it. I look at other girls and women and just feel like a monster in comparison.

I also think that my personality must be putting men off me. I think I come across too confident and loud, and although I'm a feminist and believe women should not hold themselves back, I have found that most men prefer more retiring or quieter women and so probably see me as too 'laddish'.

I'm only in my early twenties so in theory I have time to find someone, but almost everyone my age has had at least one relationship by now and I haven't even come close.

I just feel really low and self-conscious, I'm even looking into facial reshaping surgery to make my face look more feminine. I know in theory that my worth should not depend upon what men think of me, but I'm honestly starting to feel so down and honestly can not see a future for myself in which I ever have a serious relationship or husband.

AIBU to think that I'm just unlovable?

I didn't get into my first relationship until I was 22 and we've now been together 8 years.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, maybe you've just not found the right man yet.

YANBU to feel like that, majority of people would probably get down about it. I've also felt down about similar things.

Although I feel reshaping surgery is unnecessary! I'm all for loving who you are, but I'm also for making yourself feel good.
For example, you said about your hair, why dont you book yourself in for some beauty treatments? Hair, nails, make up etc. Ask the stylists to recommend a style to suit you face shape. I'm not really into nails and beauty, I've always been a Tom boy but recently I started wearing a little jewellery, I got my hair done slightly different and started making more of an effort with my appearance. I asked for advice on colours of make up etc that would suit me and I feel a bit better. Why don't you try this? I feel it would be alot easier than surgery!
At least try it, at the end of the day you are the only person who knows what will make you feel happier and more comfortable! But try the simpler things first.

Treat yourself, get yourself some new clothes, concentrate on making yourself feel good and loving yourself! Then you can throw yourself into the dating world, dating is quite a tough thing, it can knock anyone's confidence especially online dating where people are first judging you on your looks from a bunch of photos. So just focus on yourself before you get involved with anyone and maybe you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

I'm sure any guy will be lucky to have you so just try enjoying life a bit.

The only person you need to love you is YOU
Your self esteem is in the toilet!
What’s all this shit about men wanting a ‘quiet, retiring ‘ woman?!

It only takes one, don't compromise yourself.

Also im not saying that you NEED to have make up and nice hair/nails etc to be appealing to others but sometimes the little things can boost your confidence and make you feel alot better in yourself (before anyone roasts me for my comment)

Apart from seeing a boy 3 times age 16 and 1 other ‘date’ (nothing official), I hadn’t gone out with anyone until 23. Got married 2 years later and have our 8th anniversary this year.

I didn’t really know how to flirt, so I did the v unfeminist thing of asking him to mansplain stuff to me. He’s a shy guy so it helped break the ice. He does more ‘wife work’ than me and is into equality (though probs wouldn’t describe himself as feminist). We both didn’t think other people would find us v attractive so were happy to have each other. Keep looking and maybe look for guys who are not ‘classically macho’ or a bit nerdy.

I also think that my personality must be putting men off me. I think I come across too confident and loud, and although I'm a feminist and believe women should not hold themselves back, I have found that most men prefer more retiring or quieter women and so probably see me as too 'laddish

^^ That’s a load of bs

It’s not your personality, it’s your self esteem. If you don’t value yourself nowhere else will. People are more perceptive than you give them credit for and likely see through you and you probably don’t come across as confidence as you think.

It’s a cliche but it’s true, you need to love yourself first. ❤️ You are not unloveable at all OP, you just haven’t found the right person.

Don't reshape your face please! Honestly you don't need to look like a supermodel to find a lovely partner... nor do you need to be shy and retiring!
Seriously, I have a nose like a Muppet Happy Honker and a feminist gobby personality...and have been happily married for 30 years! Whom I met in my 20s. By random chance in a swimming pool!

Work on finding your self esteem first. CBT or similar. Then think about what YOU like, and find some groups to join. There will be someone out there for you!

If you try to change yourself to please a man in any way it is doomed to fail so do not bother! You will absolutly find somebody who knows your worth, put your focus on whether they are what YOU are looking for. Think positively about yourself. The rest will follow.

Very few people are objectively hideous.

However most people don't know how to style themselves, what colours suit them and what hair and make-up suits them. Almost everyone can look great with some effort.

Aw you’re so young OP, plenty of people don’t have a relationship until their 20s. Try to relax and take the pressure off. My brother had his very first date (ever!) aged 28. Been very happily married for 14 years now.

Don’t reshape your lovely face. You might have a daughter one day whose face is the same shape as yours

I used to think about having a nose job! I thought a Hollywood nose would be nice. But then I thought about my nieces and cousins, and the message this would give them, and decided to love my non-H nose.

I also think that my personality must be putting men off me. I think I come across too confident and loud, and although I'm a feminist and believe women should not hold themselves back, I have found that most men prefer more retiring or quieter women and so probably see me as too 'laddish'.

Take a step back and re read this bit, and look at it another way. Are you just coming across as domineering and opinionated? No one, male or female, likes to be shouted down or have others opinion forced upon them.

How are you perceived at work?

Interestingly the other posters are focusing on your looks, which wont be the issue.

I didn't meet the right man for me until I was 37. Once you meet them you'll realise that you don't need to change yourself, you just need to find someone who appreciated you for who you are.

Thank you everyone for your replies, they've made me cry! (In a good way).I do have pretty bad style and fashion sense so I will try to get some advice on that and also on makeup etc. @PlainSpeaking I'm pretty successful at work, but then again I work in a male-doninated field where being very confident is prized and it's a bit of a battle of the egos, so maybe working in this environment has made me domineering?

OP I can give you skincare and make-up advice if you would like!

I'm sure you are a lovely, valuable person and you just haven't met the right person.
I suggest that you try to find something that you enjoy that will boost your confidence.
What do you do in your spare time? Or if not much, what are your interests?