To read a book while the house is a mess?

[coffeeforone]

I'm on maternity leave with a high maintenance 4 month old, also have a 2.5 year old who doesn't nap. I'm currently responsible for all laundry, housework, cleaning. I can't get much done during the day but do manage bits and pieces if toddler is eating, independently and baby is napping at the same time, but not an awful lot.
DH works away (abroad) most weeks, leaves Sunday afternoon and returns Friday late night. So we like to keep Saturday free to spend as a family and not do any housework.

Toddler goes to bed a 7.30, and DS2 will usually sleep from around 8 until his 10pm feed. So I have 2 hours 'free' every weeknight. I know I should be using this time to catch up on the housework and tidy up etc, but all I want to do is relax and read a book or watch TV. AIBU? Any tips to get motivated to clean and tidy as I feel mentally so much better going to bed with a tidy-ish house.

Nah, would do exactly the same. But my place isn't exactly pristine either!

YANBU to take some time for yourself! But if the house is getting you down or you’re worried you aren’t doing your share I totally recommend The Organised Mum Method, it has really changed my life and it’s only half an hour per day.

Do it! You're entitled to some down time. I always chose reading over housework....still do!

Personally I think you've been working all day (even if not for money) and I totally get that you don't want to do more in the evenings. I would suggest a compromise where you sit down, relax and have time for yourself once the kids are in bed, but have a rule that you spend 15 minutes at some point before bed tidying and working on the house. You can get more done in that time than you think (a la Flylady). Don't give up your whole free time to it.

No you definitely deserve your own time in the evenings! Do have a look at The Organised Mum Method (TOMM). She has a website/blog and social media pages you can follow. Makes keeping the house clean and tidy so easy as it's broken down into small daily tasks Mon-Fri leaving the weekends free!

YADNBU. That is a hell of a long shift while your husband is away. You deserve every second of rest you can get.

Definitely not. You're all alone most of the week. Preserving your sanity should be your top priority! And your DH should be mucking in at weekends so you're not racing to do both childcare and household chores in the week.

I do this. Someone said to me I bet you race around and tidy up and get dinner ready whilst your little one naps. Nope, I have some 'me' time, hence my house is far from pristine. My dh does help out and I do a lot of chores at the weekend when there is an extra pair of hands. As fizzicles says you do a hell of a long shift and you definitely need a rest to re-energise.

Thanks all. I think ideally I'd like to split the time half relaxing and half housework but I still need the motivation to do that! I've heard of the organised mum method on here but never looked into it - will check out the website! I don't actually mind doing housework and prefer it when there are no distractions - I just need to muster the energy to start!

And your DH should be mucking in at weekends so you're not racing to do both childcare and household chores in the week.

We both only do the bare minimum on a Saturday as a rule as we like to keep it as a 'fun' day. On Sundays DH will get up with kids and I have a lie in till about 10am, he leaves shortly after lunch to get to the airport.

If DH has such a good job tell him you need a cleaner twice a week to help with the load - as he isn’t there to help out and seems to skip all the normal family stuff in favour of fun time

Of course YANBU!

On what planet would a man ever ask this question? (Not a criticism of you, OP, as I’m in a similar boat - minus the toddler - and frequently have the same thoughts. And my DH is one of the good’uns even!)

DH is away tonight. My 5 and 3 year olds are in bed. 5 week old asleep next to me in Moses basket. House is a tip. I’m sat on the sofa alternating between mn-ing and reading a book 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m blooming knackered.

Do you have the money for a cleaner once or twice a week? In your shoes I would definitely get a cleaner. They could do bathrooms, hoovering, dusting. And if you have the money you could use a laundry service. There is one near me that collects dirty washing from your house, washes it, dries it, irons it and returns it to your house for you! Bloody brilliant.

Also TOMM is brilliant.
Declutter, so you have less stuff and find a place for everything and then put the stuff back in its place.

Batch cook so you have less washing up.

I have loads of tub trugs for toys and just chuck them in at the end of the day.

If you have energy then use it. If you don't have energy then relax.

You definitely deserve to chill out in that 2 hour period. If you DO want to split the time doing some housework then what could be good is listening to stuff on your phone while you do it? If I’m cleaning the kitchen or putting laundry away I’ll put YouTube on and either listen to people reading stories (scary/creepy stories) or listen to missing person cases etc. Just something where I don’t have to see the screen. You might not be into those particular things but I’m sure there would be something that you like on there. It makes the cleaning 100% more enjoyable for me and I still feel like I’ve had a bit of me time.

I think if dh has such a good job it justifies working away all week you should have a cleaner a couple of times a week. Or a mother's help who can do a bit of cleaning and a bit of childcare to give you a break. After all if he was working normal hours you would (or should) have someone else doing bits - him.

But no, yanbu to have that chill out time.

And only get a cleaner if you want to of course!

Audiobook!!! Seriously best of both worlds.

I tend to put the dishes to "soak," some laundry in the machine and then put my feet up to read etc. I always feel guilty though. Even though I know I shouldn't and you shouldn't either

Your mental health and happiness matters so much more than the house. Your children will reap the benefits from having a calm relaxed parent rather the house being maintained to pristine standards. So you should most definitely read that book and enjoy with a cuppa & chocolate whilst your at it.

I say go for it. There will always be housework to do/chores/children and downtime is a wonderful thing.
If it makes you feel better do a 5 minute timed blitz of one room and then do your reading

Yanbu! Definitely take the time to relax and have that bit of space for you

As long as the house is hygienic then read that book.