AIBU to not have a photo taken?

[ImNotYourToy]

I feel like a right cow.

We have a colleague who has started in my department. She's a lovely, kind and sensitive lady.

She said to me that her family wants to see who her friends look like at work and proceeded to get her phone camera up and try and take a photo of us both together.

I put up this defence mechanism immediately and said no, thank you! She said why? I said I do not like having photos taken. This is true. I do not have social media for this very reason and I only have pictures taken of me or with my family and friends.

AIBU here? You can call me a horrible cow if you want lol! I am asking for your opinions after all.

She looked a bit... heartbroken?

I don't blame you at all. Last year we had my extroverted and annoying BIL staying with us for a few months. I am an extremely private introverted person who lives in a house that cannot be seen from the public road. I value my privacy.

We were having some construction done and one evening my husband and I were going out to see the work that had been done during the day and I heard, "Turn around and smile"! I actually shouted, "Don't you dare"! I don't get it. Why would he think I'd want to the world to see me looking very scruffy, standing in front of an incomplete project? He looked heartbroken and puzzled.

He likes to take photos of everything he does to post on FB.

When I first met my husband (35 yrs ago) he told me his brother had done an enormous turd in the toilet and had taken a Polaroid picture of it to show everyone. Thank goodness FB wasn't around then.

Selfie to be 'friendly'? Or 'DP is such a controlling, jealous arsehole that he's demanding proof that she works with a woman'?

That is weird. Maybe she just wanted a photo of you and used her family as an excuse.

How very, very bizarre!

My mum knows my boss' name simply because I've worked for the man for over half a decade at this point. Everyone else I work with goes by "that colleague" or "managing director" or "fellow manager of the division I collaborate with" etc.

I think its a shame that people are calling this women in your work odd and weird as she might be from a different culture where its normal to her and her parents. There may be thinks (to those calling her these names) that you do that her family or culture may find weird but are perfectly normal to you. I think its important to not judge others and always try to be kind regardless of a situation. Its not as if she asked for a naked photo or for it be in an inappropriate position. Your comments say more about you than it does about her!

OP, She sounds like a family orientated person and her parents just care about her environment and that she is safe. It is most likely not about seeing a photo of you OP, its just about seeing she is happy and being able to put faces to names and have trust in their daughters happiness.
I could be wrong but I assume she's moved from one location or country for this position, she may not know that many people yet and she may have no family nearby? All of these things have to be considered. While I do not agree with calling people weird, if she was someone was raised in your town and her parents stayed 30 minutes from you then it may be unusual to ask this but you really should provide more context to the situation.

However, its not a problem that you refused but I really do not see the big deal in it though. I would have perhaps suggested that she take the photo with some other colleagues instead and just say that you don't like your photo being taken. Or perhaps saying, I really appreciate you asking me to take part in this but I really do not feel like having my photo taken today, I could take a photo of you on your own instead though or with others who wish to participate? Perhaps even at a sign or something/landmark for the company.

from a different culture where its normal to her and her parents

Be that as it may, it's not normal in this business culture and it potentially makes everyone else feel uncomfortable.

I've actually witnessed an increasing occurrence of young employees involving their parents in their work lately, mind. This has gone as far as (not me, but my much less sarcastic colleague, luckily for everyone involved) getting a phone call from an employee's dad looking to discuss his son's work performance.

The thing is, it's inappropriate. When I hire someone, I hire them, not their mum, dad and cahoot of siblings along with the person I wish to pay for their skills. We have office dos with plus ones. Normally, these would be partners or even friends, but technically there's nothing that would stop an employee from bringing mum instead. But as managers and employers were not accountable to our employees' families. We're they not adults capable of looking after their own affairs they'd have no place working here.

I know the partners of most of my longer-serving colleagues, bosses and direct subordinates. In some cases, I've met the kids. Same story vice versa. But that does not mean their families have a right to know about me. It means they have a right to ask me if I'd like to come to their family party or they have a right to offer their family to take them to a family event organised by the firm.

Sorry, no, it's still utterly bizarre.

Thanks all. She is Asian. So I can understand! I just felt a little bit odd that's all. I did apologise and say I am not comfortable with it and hopefully she did did not feel too offended!

Agree with @deadliftgirl

I think it's very mean to call the OP's colleague weird and odd and freaky like some have! Some people like to take photos of people as they want to remember that moment in time, or want to show people/family what their colleagues look like.

I also find it bizarre when people kick off good and proper about having a photo taken. Yeah I get that (some) people don't like having photos taken (because they think they're ugly apparently!) but some people act like they're being asked to donate a kidney to a stranger for a fiver!

Also, many people who whine when you want to take a photo, are quite happy to put 100's of pics on snapchat, and instagram, and facebook, of photoshopped pics they have taken themselves, from above to make them look 20% lighter/thinner. So they cannot bear to have a photo taken that actually shows what they actually look like!

I went to a Christmas works do in December, and one woman (a 29 y.o.) kept yelling at ANYone who even ATTEMPTED to take a photo if she thought she was in the shot. It was a fucking CHRISTMAS PARTY, people were taking photos. Get over it you ridiculous precious bint!

She took about 50 fucking selfies though. Silly cow.

People are entitled to not want their pic taken with a colleague, but there's no need to act like she asked you to donate your heart to her dog.

So is it a cultural thing? Where in Asia is she from? I wouldn't have had a clue.

YANBU she is probably embarrassed 🙃