Autism in girls?

[helpmehelpmygirl]

I know I'm probably bu to post here, but not sure where to post to get as much help as possible.

I'm a single mother of a 2.8 year old who is showing signs of being autistic. She is incredibly anxious and cannot cope with change, she struggles in social situations, she is incredibly sensitive to clothing etc. She suffers with terrible separation anxiety and seems generally scared of life. It is heartbreaking.

Her speech is very advanced and she's very clever. Her memory never fails to shock me. So in many ways she doing brilliantly.

But on doing more research and speaking to others, this tends to be the case with girls.

She also plays differently and spends all of her time 'arranging' things. So I'll give her some paper and colouring pencils and she will never actually draw/colour in. She will however spend hours arranging her pencils perfectly in line, then back in the packet, then out again. The same with paper, fridge magnets etc.

She also notices the tiniest of things, such as a coaster being moved in the house and will be very upset until it's placed back where it usually is.

I have spoken to her HV multiple times and seem to be getting nowhere as she's meeting all her milestones. Where can I go next?

I'm so worried that these issues will continue to escalate.

Could you ask your GP for a referral to paediatrics? I'm not sure how it works as we got referred sort of by accident. Our son was ill and had to go to hospital and they noticed his signs of autism there so wrote to the GP saying he needed to be referred.
Our HV was the same though, she completley brushed it under the carpet.
I'm sorry I don't have better advice but I didn't want to read and run.

Gather the evidence, write it all down and ask for a double appt with your GP so that you have time to go through it. Is your daughter in a nursery? If so have they flagged any concerns?

Look up Rudy Simone -she has an online chart for female Asperger signs and has published a number of books. She has Aspergers herself.

As a parent of a child with autism who is involved in supporting parents with new diagnosis' I will say your story is very similar to what I hear. Sadly many people do push it under the carpet for years and that causes a much harder time down the road as often it is when they are in school and really struggling that things begin to move, but after years of parents wanting to get supports in place. I recently met a family where the diagnosis took 8 years and the Paediatrician and Psychologist who made it said it was clear from age 3 that a diagnosis was appropriate. Sadly we have a long way to go. That family was also brushed aside by a HV.

You mention rigidity, lack of understanding context and nuances, delays in social skills/settings/situations, an obsessive need for order, as well as areas of being extremely advanced. Those are many traits we see in the community with our children.

I think the suggestion to book a double appointment is a good one, go in with a list of behaviours and traits as well as concerns and ask for a referral to a developmental Paediatrician. But first reach out to the National Autistic Society, they may have suggestions for tips to get assessments and referrals for you. They also have information you can share with your GP. I would also make it very clear these behaviours are interfering with everyday life for her including being able to successfully join age appropriate programs etc., and that as things currently are they would interfere with transitioning to school etc. Maybe take a list of the struggles over the course of the day, for example at 9 am we wanted to go to messy play but she was upset because xyz was moved in our home and had to do that first. At messy play she couldn't leave my side and was unable to engage etc. In the family above's case (where the HV brushed them off) the HV and GP had made comments like "anxious mother", "child is an only child" etc. It was an absolute barrier to getting their child supports.

Please read this before you see your GP, it mentioned screening and next steps as well as guidelines they are supposed to adhere to:

www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx

Knowledge of this is powerful and can help ensure that all health professionals react when a parent raises these concerns, and that bias' don't stand between the child and important diagnostic testing - something far too many families have faced in the past.

Good luck and please feel free to ask any questions.

Sack off the hv and go straight to your gp. Don't let them brush away your concerns. She can be incredibly intelligent and meeting all her milestones but still require support in other areas, especially at school and they should appreciate that.

*pussTine, in what way is the Op’s title goady? Also, many children with Aspergers have excellent, even advanced, speech for their age (2 of my DC included), so not having an obvious language disorder doesn’t preclude an ASD diagnosis. Only a skilled SALT (speech and language therapist) would be able to pick up on the subtleties of a social communication problem.

OP, I agree with others that you should visit your GP with a view to getting your DD referred to a Developmental Paediatrician.

pussTine either you read a completely different post to the OPs' actual post and are on auto pilot, or you are talking about something other than ASD? You do know that there is a difference between speech and communication disorders?

Also not understanding how this title is goady .

Op this definitely sounds like symptoms of ASD (though isn't necessarily). I have a girl with ASD and she doesn't fit these classic symptoms, e.g. she was obsessed with imaginative play to the point of being in character all the time, and was overly confident/lacking boundaries with strangers, which made me put off diagnosis. It's easier when they are more typical, what used to be called Aspergers.

Good communication can actually be a symptom. A lot of people on the spectrum sound quite grown up with their language, often don't adopt a local accent, or they might have echolalia where they repeat phrases they've heard from other adults or tv. Sometimes this is obvious and whole dialogues... (I knew a child who recited Shakespeare as a toddler and the parents thought they couldn't possibly autistic as they were so good with language) or it can be very subtle echolalia where you don't even realise they are parroting adult speech and think they just have speech beyond their years. My brother has Aspergers and he has both, he'd repeat dialogue from his cartoons over and over again, he never adopted an accent and his speech is somewhat monotone which made him sound like a little professor when he was a preschooler.