To not sign my 4 year old up to classes and camps?

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

My 4yo is August born and in her first year of reception. She’s happy but exhausted.

I’ve noticed lots of her friends do ballet, tennis, gymnastics etc in the week/weekend and then clubs and camps in the holidays. She has a swim class after school one day a week but that’s it. I feel a bit guilty but I just don’t want to do more.

We do lots of fun and learning stuff with her and my 2yo - museums, soft play, trips to the woods. I just don’t want to commit her to x, y,z through the week. Part of this is because she seems tired but part of it is just because I enjoy the freedom we have as a family.

I imagine we’ll add in one or two things when she’s a bit older but probably not loads. Is that terrible? I don’t usually compare my parenting, just get on with it, but we feel quite out of step on this. Am I being a bit lazy?

In my opinion swimming lesson once a week is more than enough for a 4 year old!

My 6.5yr old still only does swimming, he's a summer baby & was falling asleep by teatime when he was in Reception. He needed about 13 hours sleep a night time to relax & rest in the evenings/weekends.

My DD did swimming and nothing else extra until she joined Brownies.
I worked full time when she was 4 for 4 days a week so enjoyed the time I had off with her.

I think this is a very area specific thing. When my DC were in Reception, more than 1 or 2 classes/clubs was unusual at their school and plenty of DC did nothing.

Then I had a conversation with my friend about her DC (in different part of country). Said friend was worried that her DC "only" did 4 clubs/classes a week as virtually everyone else was doing more.

If your DC would enjoy said clubs/classes and you can afford them and are prepared to facilitate them, then go for it. But if you can't or don't want to then it isn't going to make a blind bit of difference in the long run (though I'd agreed with others that swimming lessons from about age 5 is a good idea). IME 7/8 is the best time for starting activities.

From the age of 5 my DSD had swimming, dancing and gymnastics lessons, as well as a tutor one night a week. There was crossover with another dance class for a time, on top of this. It completely dominates all her time - not allowed to see Daddy when she wants to between his weekends because she has SO much on, can’t go on trips or do anything much at all at the weekend (visit family, splash around in the woods, just PLAY) because everything revolves around scheduled classes (and the tyranny of class parties, but that’s another thread grrr). It’s too much too young. I think as long as you are doing things with your child and not just sticking them in front of the telly, there is no need to go overboard with strict activity schedules at such a young age.

YANBU - my summer born were very tired the first few years of school.

However other children are different and can cope with doing lots of things - plus it parents are working more hours many of the clubs may be due to childcare needs.

I have sometime had similar worries OP when encountering children who do a huge amount - but I think overall it's had little negative impact on my children and down time is important to.

All depends on the child really.
All children are different so you know your child best so do what’s best for her and don’t think about anyone else.

My 3 yr old Dd is in afternoon nursery. She does gymnastics and swimming after school and copes well.
My DS is in reception. He does gymnastics, he didn’t cope well with after school swimming so we moved it to a Sunday evening and he also does football on a sat morning.

Might be different for other areas but I've never heard of holiday clubs and camps being used for anything other than childcare. Generic "after school club" ditto (obviously football or ballet is different).

My DD who is in reception (just 5) does gymnastics after school and swimming on a Sunday. It's plenty, and she has to have the odd week off to chill and watch TV, though I do think it's nice for her to do something. It depends on various other factors though; we're quite happy to have boring weekends if the DC need to catch up, plus we only live a 5 minute walk from school and a 5 minute drive from the extra-curricular activities, so life has quite a chilled out pace and she has several hours a day of free play or watching tv, which is important imo.

I think it depends on the child and the school. Our school has a fantastic range of after-school clubs, which run on-site directly after the school day (with a snack break). So instead of picking DD5 up at 3:15, I collect her at 4:30. It doesn't feel like a huge faff or particularly restrictive. I would be less thrilled with having to pick up from school, transport somewhere else, drop off and pick up again.

DD is summer-born and was also very tired at first in Reception, and I couldn't imagine her ever doing clubs, but in her second term she tried one and loved it, and then she was doing two, and now (YR1) she does three after-school clubs plus swimming at the weekend. She has a great time, and also enjoys going to art or sports camps for a few days in the holidays.

So, even if clubs aren't right for your DD now, I would keep an open mind and encourage her to at least consider what's on offer, at some point; it may surprise you what she's interested in trying. It's not always a pushy parent, childhood-robbing, every-minute-scheduled thing, driving towards medals and attainments. It can just be a fun addition.

It's not always a pushy parent, childhood-robbing, every-minute-scheduled thing, driving towards medals and attainments. It can just be a fun addition

^ this. We do them because DD loves them. She likes working towards medals and awards (and getting them!), and she has a great time socially too. I give her every opportunity to drop things if she doesn’t want to do it. We also have plenty of time to play in the park/walk in the woods/chill out at home, although she’s not particularly a ‘chilling out’ child. It just depends on the child and what they enjoy!

DS1 just had swimming although I was working FT and even that was a struggle. He was wiped out by after school club and I doubt he would have done much more.

We picked up more in y1. DS2 currently has swimming, gymnastics, after school football, sometimes a pre-school free class and is about to start Beavers but is there with me anyway. He has got into things younger because he's followed DS1, but he's a high energy child anyway.

The advantage of the activities is that the boost a range of skills that get underdeveloped at school, and DS1 in particular struggles with the literacy side of school life so that confidence is very important to him. The downsides are the cost and time!

We get many Brownies who are only just ready for extra curricular life at 7.

Our activities are low pressure, mainly participation driven. Things with badges are earned at your own pace, not competitive.

It also helps that all except swimming (and now cubs for DS1) are walking distance within 400m!

DS was 5 in November. He doesn't do any clubs because he doesn't want to. I think he's had enough of formal learning by the end of the school day.

He's much more keen to just play at home since he started Reception.

I don’t think my DD6 did much when she was in reception. She was in breakfast club and after school club 4 days a week so any clubs were offered by the school and had to be paid for on top. Gradually she’s added classes and now does dancing and swimming lessons at the weekend and the option of an afterschool club or two during the week ( depending on availability this has included dance , illustration club, Spanish). She has asked to do horse riding but she will need to drop something if she wants to pursue that - mainly because it’s bloody expensive and I’m not spending my entire weekend driving her from one hobby to another ( while I have no time / money to pursue a hobby myself). My DD has plenty of treats and fun events but actually benefits from time where activity is not structured and certainly benefits from not always getting what she wants.

Just trust yourself, that you are doing what’s right for your family.

My DS 6, does more activities than I’d like him too, but we need to use the after school club as childcare so he does an activity for the first hour instead of being at after school club for 2 hrs. We use camps during holidays as childcare- which he loves and he’s out exercising a lot so I don’t have any issue/guilt with that...certainly never check what others are up to so that I can compare.

Not sure what the «august born» has to do with it, she is now the same age that the «february born» was last September when they probably started the activities/classes.

I had one child who wanted to do every activity we would let her and one who hates organised activities and school was more than enough for him. Of course yanbu to do it the way you judge best for your child. Most things skills wise it makes little difference if they start at 4 or 7 anyway. (Though I guess if she has aspirations to be an Olympic gymnast it might be an idea to get going, gymnasts seem to start tiny! Not sure I'd wish that on my child though anyway...)

Mine were the opposite, they loved (and still do) doing activities.

There's no right or wrong here, do what you think is best! My daughter is the same age and she does swimming lessons, dance/drama and junior parkrun if she feels like it. She would do more if I let her and I was the same as a child but each one is different.

Dd is in reception and is an older one, born in October. I am doing the same as you, with just her swimming after school one day. This is manageable for her, leaving her enough energy to enjoy her time at school and not so exhausted by the weekend that we can enjoy time together then too.

I don't judge what other parents do, but I do feel that sometimes children can have too many activities and need more down time.

not a problem. Let her be happy doing whatever she wants.

Most regular 'activities' are a waste of time and money at this age, IMO. They come into their own from about 6/7.

I take my 3yo to a museum she loves, children's concerts, non-regular things she can engage with. They have more than enough learning to do without 'classes'.

My teen and preteen do organised stuff, learn instruments etc.

It completely depends on the child, family and circumstances.

My oldest DD is autumn-born, high energy and needs almost constant stimulation. She has always wanted to join everything and do as many activities as I'll let her. She is almost unable to relax and doesn't need much sleep etc. She's nearly 10 and takes part in competitive sport and has real commitment to training for several hours a week. It has been brilliant for her, she has gained so much self confidence and made lovely friends through it all. I worked ft when she started school so she's always been out of the house for long periods and had to go to holiday and breakfast clubs etc.

My middle DD is completely different. She's summer-born, has had extensive health challenges and is a home-loving, laid back sort. She couldn't even manage full time school in reception, let alone additional activities. She's still reluctant to attend activities that she initially asked to do sometimes! And often asks to stay home instead. I had to change my working hours when she started school as she just couldn't cope with holiday and breakfast clubs.

All children are different and I don't think this is a right /wrong thing at all.