husband wants the snip

[lovedbyted]

I am having a really hard time accepting my husband wants a vasectomy. We are so blessed with a little boy and I would love more, probably just one more if I am being sensible!! He is so blunt when he says no and just says "I'll just go get the snip" and won't talk about it any more. This is such a big compromise for one of us and I am so unhappy but he just won't talk about it. I do everything for our LO, he has never gone out and bought one thing for him, I did every night feed, he has never washed or dressed him, he has reluctantly changed about 5 nappies in 6 months and maybe done 10 feeds (if I've made the bottles) He does love our boy he's just quite selfish and as he works believes his time is his and I think he thinks I have it easy all day! Anyway the point is, it doesn't feel like another baby would impact him much as I pay for and do everything. I bought everything in white first time round, the cot, moses basket, pram so wouldn't need to buy much if there was a baby no.2 anyway. I really feel like this could impact our future together as it is breaking my heart that I may never have a little brother or sister for my boy and I may never experience the joy of raising a baby again. Am I being selfish for thinking this could break our family.

If he had forced you to be sterilised that would be Very very very unreasonable.

If he decides he wants a vasectomy then he is being perfectly reasonable.

We constantly hear how women should have total body autonomy regarding abortions etc so it is only fair and equal that men get to have the same right to body autonomy.

He is not doing anything to stop you having another child, he is just ensuring that it is not with him.

He clearly isn’t bothered about the child he does have so why would he want another?

Me and my DH had said we’d only have one child and that was always our plan but when our son was 8 months I began to get broody again. I couldn’t bear the thought of never being pregnant again or never having a young baby again and I desperately didn’t want our son to be an only child.

I spoke to my DH about how I felt but he was adamant that he didn’t want a second and it caused me a lot of upset. We spoke about it every few months because my yearning kept getting stronger and eventually, when our son was just under 2 years old my DH did then agree to try for a second baby.

I completely understand your reasonings for wanting a second baby and the ideal is that they would be full siblings from the same father so I really sympathise with your situation.

I doubt your DH is ever going to want a second child in the same way you do but who knows, maybe a year or so down the line he may agree to it for your sake.

My advice is back off from talking about it because I think pushing the issue will only make him run to the vasectomy clinic quicker.

Hopefully if the conversation is off the table he will stop making threats to have a vasectomy. See how the next 12 months go, see if he forms a close bond with your son and who knows, if he realises for himself how wonderful it can be to have a child then he may come round to the idea of another.

his lack of support raising DS isn't a huge issue for me

Maybe not, but it might be a huge issue for your DS. He will most likely pick up on his father's indifference towards him, kids are very intuitive like that. Feeling rejected by a parent can have a hugely detrimental impact on children.

If your DH is so uninterested in a baby he actually wanted, what kind of Father do you think he would be to a child he has been pressured into having? The fact that he recognises his own limitations enough to realise he shouldn't be having any more children is a good thing.

Op I can understand why you want another baby, but I don't understand why you would want one with this man. He sounds like a selfish arse.